Women are evil!

Bo is irresistible.
hmmm
no that's not it.
errrrr
not that he's not.
what?
ummmmm
never mind.

women....the epitome of coherence

coherence=the state of cohering or sticking together.

I'm stuck on something, but I think that may be due to the peanut butter.

let us all cohere

that's not 'glue'!

"In the beginning was the Word..."


Clearly, this would seem to suggest a female Creator. A male god would have had a football or a beer up front, whereas with a female, it's yak from first light through to Hermaggedon.

Further, as there was absolutely nothing else at all in existence back then except the Word, this would logically follow from what we know about women, which is that they are compelled to talk even when there is nothing to talk about.

Now, how to account for evil?

I think I've learned exactly how the fall of man occured in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, and Adam said one day, "Wow, Eve, here we are, at one with nature, at one with God, we'll never age, we'll never die, and all our dreams come true the instant that we have them." And Eve said, "Yeah... it's just not enough is it?"

--Bill Hicks

and ever since Adam has wondered "what she meant?".

Finally, we agree!

Yes, blatham, the Creator would naturally be female. The very act of creating (giving birth) is inherently female. And as you have stated, communication is also clearly a feminine trait.



Since the universe is composed of carefully balanced opposites (light/dark, day/night, yin/yang...) if the Creator is female, the Destroyer (aka, the snake) must certainly be male.

Therefore,
God/"Word"/Creator/Woman = Good.....and.....
Satan/"Snake"/Destroyer/Man = Evil.

How appropriate that you should figure this out on Mothers' Day. It is downright providential. You may all bow down before us in thanks. (We won't ask for your prayers since we know how bad you are at communicating. Sacrifices, however, will be accepted....esp. long-stemmed ones.)

But since the creator of everything is female, then the real source of the evil is the creator, isn't it? Women actually created evil! Men might have evil in them, but it was only put there by the source of all evil . . . women!

By the way, I got some of those long-stemmed sacrifices for my mother. She loooved them!

Wow, Eva!

I like this thesis, girl! You know, I actually heard an audible 'clunk' as a couple of puzzle pieces fell into place. Unless, with the time difference, that was just Deecups putting her false teeth on the sink. Let's strike out boldly with this sucker and see where it takes us. Let's listen for more 'clunks'. I'm confident this thesis will prove pregnant with them, and they'll be squirting out like eggs from a rutting anchovie.

Ok...we've got The Big Nothing, but with a Girl in charge. There's no reason to assume She wouldn't be able to manage that. (clunk) So far, so good.

And a plus right off the bat...we are freed from the classic theological dilemma...'But why did She suddenly just up and do the presto-zappo thing?' And there's the answer, sitting right there all the time. Whim! (clunk)

Now, where did EvilSnake come from? Kicky, clearly as inspired as we are by this thesis, rushes immediately to the only logical conclusion...She, being Cause, has got her fingerprints all over him. And thus, his form. (clunk)

Ok...we're moving along good here. She digs him. Who wouldn't? The sly dark eyes...that aggressive naughtiness...those compelling "Oh, get thee behind me Satan" hairy muscular buttocks and garden-pawing hooves...that unpredictability. (clunk)

Then, what does She do? What else would She do? She, of course, changes her fukking mind! She tosses him and his snakeskin jacket and his Bill Bailey record out through the gates and into the garden! (clunk...thud...smash)

Remember, this all pre-dated the New Deal. A bit later and there would have been some employee benefits that accrued. But not back then. And the very instant his liberty had been facilitated, he, sly devil, recognized in a flash of bright pulsing red epiphany that what lay behind him was servitude. And that what lay in front of him, like a universe ripe with fresh and nubile wantons, was...everything!

Beneath the twinkle of stars, a wind brushed through the leaves of the tree where he stood. He reached up, picked a sweet to bursting apple, bit into it and felt the juice run down his chin. He turned one last time, and threw the uneaten part of apple. There was a crash as the window shattered. The apple sailed through the white. She'd been bending over, likely cleaning hoofprints from the carpet again. It hit Her behind, a rather too substantial and rubbery behind it occured to him as he watched, and then bounced out a door and into the darkness. She never forgave him, of course, but he didn't really think about her much after that night.

The next morning, Adam, out spraying diazanon in the garden, picked up the apple, and put it to his lips. Eve leaped to stop him, but she lept like a girl, and missed. He bit, and a flood of knowledge filled him. He understood what life held in store for him. He saw the future...the problems with his own kids...the flood...a too brief peak at Sodom...George Bush. He fainted dead away. (clunk)

how very amusing...

So since She Almighty created him...........then he belongs to her, regardless whatever her temporary moods may be. How foolish he is to believe he got away. How useful he is from time to time.

Useful, ah yes. How God(dess) doth enjoy her amusements!

What a lively tale, Blatham! Your imagination is quite, um, fertile. Could there be a dash of femininity inside that brain of yours? If so, redemption is possible.

"Big Nothing" indeed. This world in which we live is chock full of wonders. Not the least of which is how you managed to claim unpredictability as a masculine trait. For shame...you had previously assigned that trait correctly to Woman. (clunk, thud, smash...remember?)

And, of course, God(dess) knew he would leave after sampling the apple. It didn't matter. She knew he would come crawling back, licking at her toes, in no time at all. (She loves that.) (clunk)

Lastly, I'm afraid your Garden of Eden scenario wasn't quite right. The Snake first seduced Eve into biting the apple, then Eve seduced Adam into sharing it with her. When God(dess) caught him, Adam tried to blame it all on Eve, worm that he was. (Worm = little snake)...(clunk)...God(dess) wasn't buying that. She kicked them both out. Eve wisely took a couple more apples with her when she went. Thus, women have always understood more than men. (clunk)

P.S. to Kicky...God(dess) doesn't have to BE evil to CREATE evil. She also created the principles of thermodynamics, peacock feathers, and pond scum (among her many miracles,) but she is none of those, either. I believe we can safely assume that she created evilness to relieve the boredom of Her eternal goodness. Being good all the time does get boring, does it not?

Blath; that's got to be worth at least a 'gold' medal!!

Maybe the Canadian Hocky Team would be willing to 'share'?

Um, British Columbia, eh? it's a stretch...........

granted that's worth at least a bronze; eh, lets make it a silver.

But as far as 'control' goes, with its tiny thin 'puppety' strings attached, with 'man' on his knees before 'woman' (quote: "She loves that."), it's rather difficulty to define just 'who' is in the driver's seat, at that point, what?

Eva I don't believe the creator is a female. If that were the case

1. Men would have periods
2. Men, like women, would have to "feel close" in order to have sex.
3. Men would have babies
4. Leviticus, rather than being a book of laws, would be about discussing your feelings.

Sorry to chime in late.

If the creator were female, she would have cleaned up the world already, knowing that the men weren't going to do it.