Sun 11 Dec, 2005 03:35 pm
Stolen from a friend of mine...
So I was trying to travel back in time to warn myself not to see Star Wars Episode 1, but my god damn flux capacitor broke and I got stuck. I figured while I was there and figuring out how to get back, I may as well cover a bit more ground.
I spent about 2 days explaining to myself stuff I thought I would need to know, like "don't set the house on fire to impress your girlfriend" and "don't sleep with that girl from the party because she has crabs" and "stop falling asleep when your future self is trying to tell you things." All the usual stuff.
I realized, however, that I've learned a lot about life the last few years by sitting on the couch watching Simpsons episodes and playing cell-phone games. So I didn't mess with a good thing like that.
I did give myself a few stock tips though (I recommended Enron, because I remember hearing a lot of buzz about them a while back), and then decided it was time I returned to the present to reap the benefits of the better life I had sowed.
When I returned home, I found to my dismay that I was still living in the same crummy apartment, and worse, I was out of beer. I then remembered that when you travel back in time you don't travel linearly along the space-time continuum, but rather to an identical point in a parallel universe, preventing grisly paradox mishaps and preserving the histories of infinite universes. So all the work I just did was for nothing. Hopefully in a few years I'll remember to travel back in time to warn myself not to waste my time going back in time to tell myself not to see Star Wars Episode 1, because it's not going to matter.
If anybody here is currently working on a time travel prototype, I would suggest you focus on more productive things.
And then you woke up and it was all a dream....ahh
no, for real, good story...umm.......joke?
I don't joke very much. My friend says he got the spare parts from a NASA physicist he went to school with. I was worried a little at first about trying it on myself, but now I just think time travel is stupid.
However, Monger.... (BLOODY good to see you, BTW!!!! smooooch)...you are taking a very linear view of what you know is a nonlinear process, and also not taking into account the good you have contribited to the sum total of happiness in the universe (except the damn Enron thing, you wally!).
You see, somewhere in a different universe, a Monger has benefitted from your wisdom.
I wonder if the other Monger will kindly repay you by going back in time to THIS universe, and telling your former self useful stuff, too?
Oh....but if he had, it would already have happened....or would it?
Perhaps, at some time, your current world will pop like a bubble, and you will be in a better apartment, never have had crabs, and geberally be in a more salubrious setting?
I do think we learn from stuff like crabs, though....
(Dis I mention I hate Craven cos I can no longer fix goddamn typos?)
You bring up a fascinating point. (Incidently, good to see you too, Deb!)
It's quite possible that I have been visited by otherworldly Mongers...perhaps one even swayed me towards travelling universes to provide my most-excellent wisdom. If such a time-traveller arrived during any one of my periods of chemical experimentation, that could've provided the perfect ruse to ensure his teachings later seemed only passing presentiment.
Perhaps in light of that I should take more seriously this gut feeling I've been having recently that if I finish constructing the world's most colossal beeramid in my living room it will open up a portal to hell and bring about the violent destruction of all life on earth.
Nah, it's probly nothing.
Only a few more cans to go....
Hmmm...clearly, caution is the only reasonable path....DESTROY THE BEER THING IMMEDIATELY!!!
Also, you must pay close attention to things.
If Jesus and the virgin mary reveal themselves in salt damp, mould, weeping statues, onion thingies and other such humble items, how may we expect an other dimensional Monger to leave tips?
Sweat stains on your garments? Breakfast cereal? Roaches and the stains in the bottom of wine glasses? Even odder avatar rotations and sig lines? Notes under your pillow? Strange messages left on your mobile phone?
Look to the cornflakes!!!! Look under the bed!!!! Look under your buttocks!!!!
The world may be relying on you!
(Or, of course, you might check the messages on your fridge or wherever you keep notes.)
... My friend says he got the spare parts from a NASA physicist he went to school with. ....
You've been traveling around with spare parts of a physicist? Hmmm.
Monger is SO full of surprises, isn't he?
I wonder if our trans dimensional visiting Mongers look like this?:
least you never brought up Neo
I didn't even know Monger had EATEN Neo....he would take a bit of keeping down though, you are right.
For the record-keepers, I neither care to ingest nor raise Neo. Regarding absorption, I've seen what happened to Smith, and regarding parenthood, let's just say I'm sure even the machines would provide a more well-rounded upbringing than I.
I suspect, vis a vis the machines, you are, at least, more rounded.
I didn't know you gambled with Neo?
I take it his hand is, you surmise, better than yours?
I think he's kinda cute...
I think he's kinda cute...
But, but ... can he, well, rain dance as expertly as me? I can summon the gods with the best of them.
Must I try harder?
A leeeetle harder would be ravishing, actually.
Jespah, Is that a bully??