Back in the singles' club again

Oh, that does sound good. So now I have 3 possible housing opportunities lining up, still hoping to hear from the guy where I would have 2 rooms. He is going through divorce and is handsome ;-). no worries, i will not be wanting to date anyone for awhile. eoe, i can so relate to what you wrote. this is the third time we were together, and i thought it was going great, i thought he matured enough and did some growing up and then bang! the same old ****. i am scared that if i would let him again, he would do this to me forever. i need time to think too, i am not able to think clearly right now. i am focused on finding a place to stay. emotional **** to be sorted out in slovakia, or in egypt on a beach - mom is thinking of whisking me away to egypt for a week or two. the best of moms i have.
littlek, i might take you up on F's room, though I do want to be here tomorrow, for I feel like I need to tell him the last two or three things.

Doll, you are so loved and protected and surrounded by people who care about you! You are truly blessed. Tell him a few tidbits for me too! For all of us.
EGYPT???

:-) he will hear it.

You're welcome to my spare room - but the commute may be a killer!

Dag,
This is one of my favorite songs and until I went and looked up the lyrics to print for you, I thought it was by a different band! (the hazards of making your own CDs! Over time, you forget who does what!)
Some of it is appropriate to your situation, maybe. Music helps me a lot when I'm upset. I will highlight the parts I think might apply.

Do You Call My Name - by Ra

Some people seem to think they always know what's best for you
Their little minds try to create a world to keep you still
The bolt is thrown, the cage is locked
You saw this, don't you lie
At first you cry and then you hate those people stole your will...

Do as you are told and maybe then we'll let you out
You might be dead and cold, you might be full of doubt
Don't try to escape cuz you don't have nowhere to go
If nothing is your fate... there's no scenario
No nothing

Do you call my name
Do you stain my brain
My eyes are blurry and I can't see you anymore
Do you call my name
Do you breed my pain
My heart is bloody and I can't take it anymore
So you just sit there, stuck, afraid to risk reality
Afraid to cause yourself more pain, to face insanity
But nothing ventured, nothing gained
You see... your fear's your cage
You beg for help but you're alone, stuck in a helpless rage

Do as you are told and maybe then we'll let you out
You might be dead and cold, you might be full of doubt
Don't try to escape cuz you don't have nowhere to go
If nothing is your fate... there's no scenario
(it's me.... I see, please... let me out I'm petrified)

Do as you are told and maybe then we'll let you out
You might be dead and cold, you might be full of doubt
Don't try to escape cuz you don't have nowhere to go
If nothing is your fate... there's no scenario
(C'mon)

Do you call my name
Do you stain my brain
My eyes are blurry and I can't see you anymore
Do you call my name
Do you breed my pain
My heart is bloody and I can't take it anymore [2x]

Thanks, Suzy. Athough right now I cannot stand any music, I found out, but soon enough, when I'll get better, I will be seeking it out again. Especially new music, that is not connected to my man in any way.
My father just wrote me a sweetest email ever. He said that our split for him is economically a pure loss, for nobody will buy him such an expensive whiskey ever again. Honestly though, he never liked it anyway. He loved the Four Roses bourbon. When we all lived in the US, his colleagues would frown upon it and say that while it's OK, it's made for cowboys somewhere in Tennessee, it is stuff for lower classes. Then the Four Roses experienced a sort of a boom. It got more popular and more expensive. And that brought an immense satisfaction to my dad, eveb though it also brough an increased cost. He said I am in the Four Roses class. Some of them Americans don't know what I'm worth yet, but he always did and loves me just the same, no matter how popular or unpopular will I ever be. Oh sigh. I do have wondrous, great parents and I am so grateful for that.
Just got back from another outing, tired as hell again. I think I'm holding up rather well.
Question: (although ultimately I will have to answer that one anyway): should I go for the cheapest place and save some money for the future, or for a place where I can be more comfortable, near lake and a bikepath, but not save so much, if at all. Aaaargh, both comfort and money are important to me right now, it is hard to choose. Must sleep on it. Good night and thanks to all you cheerleaders!

Sleep well sweet Dagmar.

Dag

In terms of choosing a place to live -
I don't know how important saving money is to you at this stage, but I'd go for the best you can afford (without stretching the budget TOO much!) Where & how you live can play such an important part in how you feel - & right now you need a place you feel happy & comfortable in. And somewhere near good friends, of course.

Damaraka--

Good morning.

By the pricking of my thumbs, you should have a small but very pleasant surprise today.

Keep holding.

Mornin', Dag! :-D

Hmm, is it possible to go for both some measure of comfort and some economy? Are you looking for Boston area (I assume) and not Slovakia?

For Boston area, is Jamaica Plain too pricey thesee days? It's definitely near bikepaths (think the Riverway).

Morning y'all. One place I'm looking at, is in JP. It is cheap, and it is with a friend. BUT. She just started dating another good friend of mine and he will probably be coming up every thursday for at least one night, perhaps the whole weekends at times... That would be 3 people in a tiny, and honestly, a bity dingy apartment. And dark. I think I'd be depressed. The place I want is beautiful, BUT more pricey and a bit further from everybody. I might end up feeling lonely out there, though of course I will be darn busy teaching and working and writing the thesis. The guy hasn't called back yet anyways. Soooo, not sure.
Noddy, I hope you're right. i could use a small but pleasant surprise. or even a big and wonderful surprise, but that would involve the man to mature within a few hours, grab his balls and deal with his stuff. it ain't gonna happen and i must stop hoping for it. upside: haven't cried yet today and i've been up for nearly 3 hours! and very little yesterday. i don't know where would i go to talk myself out if I didn't know about a2k. it is a blessing, truly.

Hey, Dasha, I just left a message at your house. We can go see Winchester today - this afternoon or evening. I have to bring F to the airport at around 4:30, so before that (3:00ish) or after (5:30ish). Let me know.

coming over, sorry i'm late...

Uhoh, did I miss you?

oops - I keep forgeting that the time I have set a2k to run on is wrong.

E will be home soon. He called from the road and left a message... I am scared like I was last time just before the Comprehensive exams. Of course I feed a glimmer of hope, can't help it, although I focus on trying not to allow myself.
Checked out lk's sister's place and it looks cool -kinda far, but I'll suck it up and save money. And buy a new, much ligther notebook, with wireless and all that jazz. Scared scared scared. My only wish that I can tell him what I think calmly. Without hysterical fits of crying, because that terrifies him. I guess it would terrify anyone. Deep breaths, know my own worth.

this waiting is killing me. i'd call a friend on the phone, but i don't want to disturb my extremely fragile balance, so i just sit here and click 'refresh', 'refresh', check email, but noone wrote since 3 minutes ago, 'refresh', check email again....WHERE IS HE?! he is probably as excited as i was to come home tonight and face each other. grrrrrrrr.

Good luck, Dag. Be strong.

This will all be over soon. Keep that thought in mind.

(((HUGS)))

thanks. musn't panic, it's not the end of the world, i'll just tell him what i think and ask him to think about it. how hard can it be? eeeerrr, mission impossible for me, but it is a challenge, and i am a tough slovak. it's all over anyway, i can say what the hell i want...