Ew.
That sucks.
I've seen a certain progression many, many times. Boy A and Girl A are together. Boy A has acted badly in one way or another. Girl A is a good communicator, and Boy A knows what he needs to do, he just feels guilty for already having acted badly and just can't quite bring himself to do it and Boy A and Girl A break up. But he's learned his lesson.
Then Boy A meets Girl B and he goes ahead and uses what he learned on her; she's blissfully free of the guilt-making history and gives him all the credit for being so [insert behavior learned from Girl A here].
(This goes the other way around too of course, with Boy A being the one who imparts the lessons that Girl A doesn't use with him, but with clean-slate Boy B...)
I've seen this with the second round of kids especially, that a guy wasn't the kind of father he wanted to be the first time around and then acts much better the second time -- leaving the first wife and first round of kids wondering why he couldn't have just done that the first time.
Anyway.
Hugs.
nah, it's all good. just had to spill it out somewhere before i drag myself by my ears to write "Congratulations" to him... which i already did. done, check, basta.
Not easy bein' the guinea pig.
~~~~~~~
Ya done good, dasha.
eeyep. soz, your theory sounds so familiar. my mom, family therapist, recounts such all the time.
about those, and also about the "oooh-i need my freedom, but ooh i am sooo loooonelyyyy" types. funny stuff.
EhBeth has it:
Quote:Not easy bein' the guinea pig.
Tacky but tempting: Are you going to send The Monster's fiancee a sympathy card?
Hold your dominion.
What a tremendous loss for him. You are the most dignified, smartest, well put together, classiest woman that he will never have the opportunity to marry. If he truly were not meant to be, then just imagine how great the one waiting out there for you is....
Wishing you the very best, Dag.
noddy, you rock. i should certainly do that, poor woman.
thanks, ladyJ, montana, soz, beth. i already made plans to drink with nimh soon. must make some friends in vienna stat.
I thought .... he?.... wha..... ?
Sigh.
But....
Oh phuket.
Sorry Dag. His loss and all that, but I know it still hurts.
Dag
Not that I mean your ex any ill,
but .... truly, I doubt he's learnt EVERYTHING that he needed to know in such a short time. All done in rather a rush, too, don't you think?
i had a dream about the bastard. we were sitting in some bar and he was trying to explain how he feels he's getting old and so he went for it, looking all guilty... then he told me that he's nervous about it (that comes from his email, the darned goodfornothing now wants me to be his confidant or something) and i ended up talking him through it and encouraging him...
what the hell is my problem? why can't i tell him off even in my bloody dream? he has no business telling me that he is a bit surprised himself and that he's nervous about his stoopid marriage-to-be. serves me right, trying to be a mother and a therapist to him for eight years. but couldn't i smash his head against the table, or at least splash a mug of beer into his face at least in my dream?! geeze louise! any tips? is this programmable in any way?
I can't help you (smile) as I still talk with my ex hub. Though, in my own favor, I must say, not about his qualms about his new marriage (now not so new), if he has them.
msolga, what I was getting at was that he learned it over 8 years -- but could only bring himself to implement it with Ms. Cleanslate.
I went through that for a while with an ex, he wanted me to be a confidant, I wouldn't do it. Was still too raw for me, didn't want to fall into the old nurturer thing. We're friendly many years on, though, still occasional contact.
eh, at least i have a big good deed on my account to show the man upstairs. if it helps me to cut in line to heaven, it wasn't a wasted effort, right?
(I can't help you re that, either....)
All the good deeds you have done (even in your dreams!!) will definitely pay off in the long run. Good karma on a grand scale!
I think your dreams just prove how deep your caring really goes. You have every right to be p*ssed as hell and yet your overwhelming inherent good soul still shines through.
Yes, it does. Unfortunately, the Monster knows that and is still taking advantage of your good nature. I'd tell him to go talk to "Ms. Cleanslate" about his doubts, not you. (Great name, Soz.)
I know y'all hate me for being a "gun toting conservative", plus, I'm married, but is Dag cute or what?
