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I hold grudges. How do you not hold grudes?

 
 
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 01:40 pm
I just realised this recently. I hold grudges very badly, and for absolutely ages. Sometimes I think I might even enjoy holding them, as it gives my brain something to 'grab onto'. My life would just be so much better if I just didn't do this, but I don't know how to. Anyone have any advice?
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Type: Question • Score: 24 • Views: 8,486 • Replies: 121

 
contrex
 
  2  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 01:45 pm
I try not to hold grudges, but I have never held a grude! Is it a sexual organ? Or a kitchen utensil?
0 Replies
 
fresco
 
  2  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 02:20 pm
@The Pentacle Queen,
From the point of view of "the committee nature of self", the "I" that holds the grudge is as ephemeral as the "I" who evokes the grudge. It could be a case of folie a deux on the part of transient committee members.

This picture is taken from Gurdjieff's psychological position, in which he also says "negative thoughts" constitute "wasting of energy by wrong work of (brain)centres" thereby impeding progress towards "higher consciousness".

I have no personal view on the matter other than an appreciation for "the system" as a potentially functional construction.
George
 
  2  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 02:24 pm
@fresco,
You should definitely be a counselor, fresco.
layman
 
  4  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 02:41 pm
@George,
be, or see?
timur
 
  2  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 02:44 pm
@layman,
What's that comma for?
layman
 
  0  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 02:47 pm
@The Pentacle Queen,
Quote:
Anyone have any advice?


I have found that grudges have a tendency to just go away once you even the score. Well, not really "even" it, but get way ahead.

So, here's what ya do. Buy a 38-ounce Louisville Slugger and a one pound box of 20 penny nails. Get yourself a hammer and pound those nails through the business end of that bat from all angles. Then proceed directly to the immediate proximity of the perv you're holding a grudge against. Then, within a mere matter of minutes, your grudge will be gone, see?
neologist
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 03:03 pm
@The Pentacle Queen,
A religious person might suggest you pray for your object of disdain
From my professional point of view, I suggest conjuring up positive thoughts, images of you helping the person, etc. If there is anything positive you may do, seek to do it.

Not that I would be so kind. . . . But I have no trouble suggesting. Very Happy
layman
 
  2  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 03:05 pm
@neologist,
Quote:
Not that I would be so kind. . . . But I have no trouble suggesting


Don't confuse the poor woman, Neo. Just tell her "what he said"
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  3  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 03:08 pm
@neologist,
There was this guy I really disliked that was in and out of the hospital with a perforated colon. I prayed for him, but he got better anyway.
layman
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 03:10 pm
@roger,
Heh. Roger. Nice try.
0 Replies
 
neologist
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 03:11 pm
@roger,
OH!
You are so cruel Mr. Green
roger
 
  2  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 03:11 pm
@neologist,
But honest.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 03:21 pm
@The Pentacle Queen,
Ignorance is better than holding Grudges.

In-other-words, if someone lets you down to the extent that it hurts/bothers you, instead of holding a Grudge, ignore them for ever.

There is nothing more bothering to another person than being ignored as if they do not exist. It eats at them, for doing what they did but for you, it sets you free to forget what occurred and move on.

No room for negativity in any of our lives.
edgarblythe
 
  2  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 04:11 pm
I held a grudge against one person over ninety percent of my lifetime. Now I have let it go, partially because I discovered some of the blame was misplaced, but mainly because I finally exhausted the anger and indignation. I don't hold any more grudges now.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 04:51 pm
@timur,
a slyphlike pause. I'd use one too. But then, I would.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 04:55 pm
Holding a grudge is just a way of trying make yourself important.

If you hold it inside, you're just making yourself the king/queen of universe. Someone dared to do something you object to, and you're not about to forget it.

When you share it with others, you're simply annoying everyone you know, complaining about the same thing over and over. Again, trying to make yourself important.

There, maybe that will help you see what you're doing in clearer light, and knock it off. It's just an immature waste of time.

BTW, I think it's funny you just recently realized you hold a grude. From even the casual reading of your posts, it's been obvious to me for years. I'm not saying that to insult you, but to show how we can completely ignore a personality trait that right out in the open for the whole world to see.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 04:58 pm
@layman,
No, no, no.

True story: a longtime friend's mother was, to my friend, a major aggravation and somewhat loved whenever she wasn't being loathed by friend, who, when I met her, was a twenty five year old woman getting on to be grown up but still not free of puzzling rage. The mother was very artsy. She made several sculptures involving putting serious nails (I forget the exact ones) into wood planks in various formations. You know, like when starlings flock in the sky in startlingly beautiful ways, or ominous ways.

I think the mother worked out some stuff of her own by doing that.


0 Replies
 
farmerman
 
  3  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 05:11 pm
@fresco,
Quote:


From the point of view of "the committee nature of self", the "I" that holds the grudge is as ephemeral as the "I" who evokes the grudge. It could be a case of folie a deux on the part of transient committee members.

This picture is taken from Gurdjieff's psychological position, in which he also says "negative thoughts" constitute "wasting of energy by wrong work of (brain)centres" thereby impeding progress towards "higher consciousness".

I have no personal view on the matter other than an appreciation for "the system" as a potentially functional construction.


could you summarize that?. I think in bumper stickers. Why did you misspell centers?
argome321
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 05:57 pm
@fresco,
Quote:
"the committee nature of self", the "I


Sounds like some one with multiple personalities. Laughing
0 Replies
 
 

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