@The Pentacle Queen,
The Pentacle Queen wrote:
I just realised this recently. I hold grudges very badly, and for absolutely ages. Sometimes I think I might even enjoy holding them, as it gives my brain something to 'grab onto'. My life would just be so much better if I just didn't do this, but I don't know how to. Anyone have any advice?
I find it very easy not to hold grudges. It has to do with how I view our current situation in reality. I'll attempt to explain how I do this.
Premise 1: Everyone wants to either be content or happy and free from pain and misery.
Premise 2: Everyone attempts to seek contentment, happiness or avoid pain and misery through some external means.
Premise 3: In the attempt to find happiness people occasionally "step on your toes" to get what they want.
Conclusion: Had everyone been happy and content to begin with, they wouldn't be causing you any problems at all what so ever.
Explanation: Since we are not happy or content all the time, we seek to find ways to bring us some happiness or contentment but occasionally people get in our way but the drive to obtain happiness sometimes clouds our view that we are hurting others in the process. Or we turn a blind eye to it because we value our own happiness and contentment over others.
If we did not have this "curse" then people wouldn't be abusive, problematic or hurtful towards others. Because there would be no reason or motivation to cause other's harm. It is this contentment seeking that is the problem because we don't know the best methods of how to obtain happiness without causing problems for others.
Therefore I don't blame other people when they cause problems for me. I see that they were only trying to obtain happiness for themselves. If I were to become angry or upset, I not only move away from my own happiness but I might even create additional problems for myself and those whom I am angry.
I blame the lack of contentment, not the person.
There is no clear cut way of obtaining happiness without causing others harm.
Despite what some religious people will try to claim, there isn't a clear cut method of obtaining lasting contentment without causing others misery in the process.
I am not saying there isn't a method or way, there is a way. But it is not obvious.