@Germlat,
No, nobody is out to "get me". I'm not paranoid; I'm just sad. But my personal case is irrelevant. The point I was trying to make is that one clarifies ambiguity at one's own risk. That's all. The OP strikes me as coming from a girl who enjoyed the ambiguity of the situation, and I totally understand that. I hope nobody here convinces her to go to the cop and report her boyfriend.
@Germlat,
Quote:I don't understand a word you speak of...try again.
Sorry but posters here have a right on this website to assume a certain minimum level of intellect............but maybe others could help you understand simple words and simpler concepts by private mail.
@Olivier5,
Olivier5 wrote:
You're not paying attention. This has nothing to see with a lack of libido, trust me. I am still capable of desire and arousal, even for my wife occasionally, but there's just too much complications in the relationship, too many power plays, too much anger... which makes it impossible for me to feel pleasure.
Do you always get an orgasm, every time you make sex? If yes, good for you...
Well...sounds to me like you guys have typical middle age troubles...you may want to cover your ears at hers. I'm sorry you don't feel pleasure due to the power play. Stop...having sex!!!... Until you get these issues resolved. She's probably only doing it for your good as well. Typical stuff. Get counseling .women complain of the same issues...I've heard the "keep your mouth shut and legs open " crap....nobody is benefitting from this avoidance...nor male or female.
@BillRM,
BillRM wrote:
Quote:I don't understand a word you speak of...try again.
Sorry but posters here have a right on this website to assume a certain minimum level of intellect............but maybe others could help you understand simple words and simpler concepts by private mail.
Try again and read my posts...
@Germlat,
We stopped having sex a couple of month ago or so. And I'm perfectly aware that it's not very original, thank you. In fact it's boringly banal.
@Olivier5,
Quote:You're not paying attention. This has nothing to see with a lack of libido, trust me. I am still capable of desire and arousal, even for my wife occasionally, but there's just too much complications in the relationship, too many power plays, too much anger... which makes it impossible for me to feel pleasure.
Do you always get an orgasm, every time you make sex? If yes, good for you...
If there are basic problems in your relationship, why are you blaming them on the fact you finally began verbalizing, and communicating, about consent during sex? Verbalizing didn't kill your sex life, it simply exposed the relationship problems that were already there. Try seeing a marriage counselor.
I may not always get an orgasm during every sexual interaction, nor do I expect to, nor even always want to, but I still experience pleasure all of the time, even if it doesn't reach that level of release.
@Germlat,
Quote:Any intelligent female must be harassed and labeled as "man hating " according to the establishment
LOL I am from a family of very strong and very bright women and have married a woman that have an outstanding career in the public sector.
I also was a card carrying member of NOW and a strong supporter of the ERA when it was before the public.
However the women who had taken over the movement have earn the labeled of "men haters".
The kind of women who signed an open letter as professors in Duke feminist studies program assuming the three young male Duke students charge with a gang rape of a hooker/dancer was guilty and another example of white males victimized women.
On the poster here, I've stopped fluctuating, as she told him to stop, and he also must have perceived that she was out of it re alcohol even before that.
On Olivier's comments, I think it's a big jump to say a guy with this loss of interest going on is suffering dysfunction.
People can and do lose interest in each other, boredom, sure, sometimes gradually and sometimes having known and suddenly facing the loss of interest for some reason, and having not so much 'anger issues', but 'I'm over it now, what am I doing here issues'. My husband had those with me; after long talks we stayed together a few more years after it first dawned on him and he first told me. I cried my eyes out then, and then again when he left, but somewhat understanding by that time. We had a long history, and both moved on from the marriage, but kept in contact for a kind of continuity in life, first re family matters and then to just see how each other were doing. It certainly wasn't all his fault - I got his need to leave when I walked that beach so many times and thought about it.
He married again (see, not a loss of libido problem), which is fine with me. We still catch up once or twice a year.
I'm taking it that it was his wife's idea, this asking thing, which I figure could be startling, off-putting.
@firefly,
Quote:Verbalizing didn't kill your sex life, it simply exposed the relationship problems that were already there.
Let me try and explain once again, and then I'll drop it because I really don't think my own case is 'special' in any way.
My wife doesn't know how to verbalize her desire; and she doesn't want to. Not verbalizing allowed us to play a game of hide and seek so to speak, which both of us enjoyed for a while (before I started to find the routine boring): she would pretend not to want it; I would pretend that I want it soooo much; and then she would "yield to my desire" and usually enjoy every piece of it.
The moment we tried to talk about it, it removed the ambiguity that was a necessary component to the game. Now we would need to invent a new way to do it... Not sure we have that in us though.
@Olivier5,
Olivier5 wrote:
We stopped having sex a couple of month ago or so. And I'm perfectly aware that it's not very original, thank you. In fact it's boringly banal.
It's actually not original...middle aged couples have troubles when trying to determine if they want to stay together. She was probably doing it for you (sex) , and you for her. Now--is an opportunity for open dialogue to resolve your issues. I hope you guys settle your problems...best wishes. I think "old" loves( only my opinion) have the greatest chance at happiness. I hope you guys don't miss out. I don't understand the game of ambiguity as you call it ( never ad that restraint myself), but that can change.
@Olivier5,
Olivier5 wrote:
Thanks, appreciated...
I edited it...read again.
@ossobuco,
Quote:On the poster here, I've stopped fluctuating, as she told him to stop, and he also must have perceived that she was out of it re alcohol even before that.
"I guess I want to see how far it'd play out."
A game playing woman/girl with the possible future of her lover in her hands.
@Germlat,
I still appreciate your post, edited or not... Sorry about that.
@ossobuco,
Quote:On Olivier's comments, I think it's a big jump to say a guy with this loss of interest going on is suffering dysfunction...People can and do lose interest in each other, boredom, sure, sometimes gradually and sometimes having known and suddenly facing the loss of interest for some reason, and having 'not so much anger' issues, but 'I'm over it now, what am I doing here' issues....
Oh, I agree with you that people can just lose interest in each other, and that affects their sexual arousal and sexual pleasure with that particular person.
The reason I said it sounds like possible sexual dysfunction in Oliver's case is because he describes it as a more general problem. He said this:
Quote:I have no physical problem that I can see. It's mental, or more precisely affective. You know how pleasure in girls is supposed to be linked to affection or admiration of the partner? Same thing with me - at 100%. I once went with a hooker and didn't feel a thing. Zilch! Maybe I'm too much of a girl... :-)
He also mentioned sex being sometimes physically
painful with his wife, which doesn't sound at all normal to me.
I think it's important for men, particularly those in Oliver's 50+ age group, to discuss any issues related to sexual functioning with their doctors--something a great many men fail to do or are reluctant to do. Often these symptoms can be related to undetected medical problems, or to effects of medications. That's why I mentioned that to him--I do think he should talk with a doctor to eliminate any biological/medical issues, simply for his own health and well being.
@firefly,
The plumbing is ok, but thanks for your concern.
@BillRM,
I see the mixed thing going on there, but then she said stop, all the time seemingly woozy. I'm not for dragging him off to the police, but saying that stop means stop.
I can understand plenty of couples like rape play, and that it is different from actual rape.
@Olivier5,
Olivier5 wrote:
The plumbing is ok, but thanks for your concern.
I never learned this lesson in "ambiguity", but then I had a nearly absent mom...still--I bet I could never master it.
@Germlat,
I guess it's not lady-like to say "**** me!"...
@ossobuco,
She is playing game and did not tell him to stop until after he had enter her. as she wish to see how it would play out.
"he stop he told me do you want me to finish I didn't respond"
Kind of remind me of the woman who told her partner to stop after he enter her and was found guilty of rape due to it taking him all of seven seconds to withdraw.
Or a very very very high stake version of Simon say.
There should be a warning tattoo on women who play those kinds of games with special note of when the game is play when both of them is under the influence.
