Was I Raped?

@joefromchicago,

With all due respect; judging sexual assault and rape culpability by drinking habits is just another way of blaming the victim. Akin to being accused of dressing like a trollop or the failure to wear a burqa

3 Replies

@firefly,

firefly wrote:

I think that's the best appraisal of the OP that's been given, and the best response to cupcupcake.

Thank you. It is well known that I give the best relationship advice on A2K.

0 Replies

@panzade,

panzade wrote:

With all due respect; judging sexual assault and rape culpability by drinking habits is just another way of blaming the victim.

If you are indeed approaching my post with all due respect, then kindly show it by respecting the statements that I actually made. I never said anything about culpability. I offer advice to someone who gets drunk and makes bad decisions because that advice can be acted upon by the person who is seeking the advice. If Cupcupcake's boyfriend posted here, asking how he could go about not raping people, I'd be happy to offer helpful suggestions to him as well.

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@panzade,

Quote:

judging sexual assault and rape culpability by drinking habits is just another way of blaming the victim

Of course unlike men women have no obligation or duty for their own actions under the willing influence of drugs or alcohol when if come to sexual conduct.

Men on the other hand not only are totally responsible for their own actions but they have an obligation to protected any female partner from any poor choice they might made due to them being intoxicated.

To suggest otherwise or even that it is a very bad idea to be severely under the influence in any environment that is not totally safe such as a family home is not wise it is instead victim blaming

It is must prefer to have woman harm or even killed then to suggest that they should limit some of their own actions that might placed them in harm way as to do so once more would be victim blaming.

1 Reply

@panzade,

In fact I love this idea that we can not question the wisdom of any actions a woman take as to do so is victim blaming.

If some young lady would get drunk and end up unconscious on the sidewalk in a high crime area of her city at 2 AM an as a result exposed herself to being gang rape we can not point out that her conduct was very stupid to have placed herself in harm way to that degree as to do so is blaming the victim!!!!!!

1 Reply

@BillRM,

Quote:

Men on the other hand not only are totally responsible for their own actions but they have an obligation to protected any female partner from any poor choice they might made due to them being intoxicated.

Men have no obligation "to protected any female partner" who is very intoxicated, but they are expected to abide by the law, and not sexually assault/rape her or anyone in that condition. And, if they violate the law, they are totally responsible for their criminal actions.

Only the rapist commits the rape, only the rapist is to blame for the rape.

0 Replies

@BillRM,

I wonder what would happen if...a cashier asks a friend to wait for her until she finishes her shift. The friend says, "I've got some vodka minis in my pocket, "Do you want them?" The cashier says, "Yes!" The cashier knows her friend is broke. After a few drinks, it is obvious she is intoxicated. She begins to cash out her register. Her friend has not been drinking. The cashier impulsively flashes the cash and says, "You can have all of it if you want to." She says, "here, feel it in your hand, take it". The friend touches it. The cashier says, "No...I can't let you take and and passes out." The friend takes it. Is it theft?

2 Replies

@Germlat,

A simplier analogy is what about when a person leaves a vacuum cleaner at the curb as if it is for the junk man or a give away. I stop by and pick it up because I want a vacuum. Did I commit a felony? If the state says I did is the state full of it?

When a woman cares so little about who is doing her that she cant be bothered to say or indicate no then I see no reason why I or the state should care.

2 Replies

@hawkeye10,

Sorry no cigar. In my example there was a law broken. If the permission is explicitly granted by the LAW then no law has been broken.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

Quote:

When a woman cares so little about who is doing her that she cant be bothered to say or indicate no then I see no reason why I or the state should care.

Because, if that woman, or man, is incapacitated or helpless, or severely impaired, for any reason, be it severe intoxication, drugging, dementia, etc., they might not be even fully aware of what is going on, or have the capacity to say "No" or resist. The state already cares about such vulnerable individuals, because it deems consent not present under such conditions--the state has said, "No for them.
Why should you care? You don't have to care, if you don't mind being charged with the crime of rape.

Quote:

A simplier analogy is what about when a person leaves a vacuum cleaner at the curb as if it is for the junk man or a give away. I stop by and pick it up because I want a vacuum. Did I commit a felony? If the state says I did is the state full of it?

A severely impaired individual is not like inanimate junk left at the curb, and up for grabs by anyone who wants to sexually assault or rape them--at least not without the consequence of risking a felony sexual assault/rape charge for doing that. And the state would be quite right to impose such a felony charge on anyone who violates the law in that way.

1 Reply

@Germlat,

Quote:

In my example there was a law broken

Same with my example, it is even illegal to go into peoples trash, much less random stuff left at the side of the road. A felony? I dont think so.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

Quote:
In my example there was a law broken

Same with my example, it is even illegal to go into peoples trash, much less random stuff left at the side of the road. A felony? I dont think so.

Still...people are allowed to take things by explicit written and posted consent....otherwise it's usually a fine rather than a felony. The reason is people make a mess through scavenging ....don't get confused. Still...no cigar.

1 Reply

@Germlat,

Quote:

Still...people are allowed to take things by explicit written and posted consent....otherwise it's usually a fine rather than a felony

Exactly. If a woman cant be bothered to say no then tell the guy that he should get a yes next time, slap him on the wrist and be done with it.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

Quote:
Still...people are allowed to take things by explicit written and posted consent....otherwise it's usually a fine rather than a felony

Exactly. If a woman cant be bothered to say no then tell the guy that he should get a yes next time, slap him on the wrist and be done with it.

I'd rather go by the law....trust your interpretation less....you could land in prison

0 Replies

@firefly,

Firefly, if you...or any of the other people who think this was a case of rape...really do think that...

...why are you not telling this young woman to go to the police to report the rape...and get this young man put into prison where you apparently think he belongs for committing such a horrible crime?

I think I know why you are not. I think it is because none of you think it actually was a rape...but you simply cannot come out and say it to the rest of us.

There was no rape in this instance...not considering the scenario presented in the OP.

If the woman took this thread to the police...and to a prosecutor...they would tell her to go home and sleep it off.

There was no rape in this instance.

2 Replies

@Germlat,

Quote:

the cashier says, "No...I can't let you take and and passes out." The friend takes it. Is it theft?

Your example have the problem that the cashier is not the owner of the money so anyway you look at it it would be theft.

If the cashier was also the owner of the business it would be more interesting.

Can not see how it would be a criminal matter and as once a gift is given the gift can not be taken back and the owner blood alcohol level should not be a factor, as adults are responsible for their actions even under the influence, so the friend would have a good claim to keeping the money.

The only way the owner might get the funds back is by convicting the court that the transfer of the funds was not completed before she passed out.

footnote: alcohol would not matter as far as your example is concern however when it come to sex and consent for sex that sadly is a horse of another color at the moment

0 Replies

@Frank Apisa,

Frank Apisa wrote:

Firefly, if you...or any of the other people who think this was a case of rape...really do think that...

...why are you not telling this young woman to go to the police to report the rape...and get this young man put into prison where you apparently think he belongs for committing such a horrible crime?

I think I know why you are not. I think it is because none of you think it actually was a rape...but you simply cannot come out and say it to the rest of us.

There was no rape in this instance...not considering the scenario presented in the OP.

If the woman took this thread to the police...and to a prosecutor...they would
tell her to go home and sleep it off.

There was no rape in this instance.

In the end...in court it would play out as a legal matter...if she were to bring charges against him. Read my post on the theft parable. It may clarify things without emotion. In the end...I think she's an irresponsible dumb-ass...she should at least be sentenced to a diversion program...she's CERTAINLY part of the problem.

1 Reply

@Germlat,

Quote:

In the end...in court it would play out as a legal matter...if she were to bring charges against him. Read my post on the theft parable

Read my reply/response to your theft parable.

1 Reply

@BillRM,

BillRM wrote:

Quote:
In the end...in court it would play out as a legal matter...if she were to bring charges against him. Read my post on the theft parable

Read my reply/response to your theft parable.

Impairment is a concern when it's obvious( one never consumed any)... So who cares...let's make the cashier the owner (same difference).

1 Reply

@Germlat,

Quote:

Impairment is a concern when it's obvious

Wrong as long as the impairment is from a voluntary actions of the person impaired it would not matter.

If I in my younger days I have gone out with a good looking young lady and in a state of sexual hope and driven by a lot of alcohol I max out my credit card on a twenty thousands dollars piece of jewel for the young lady it would be hers no matter how under the influence I happen to had been.

Adults except for women consenting to sex, the state of your blood alcohol does not matter as you are still responsible for your own actions.

2 Replies

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