MOTHERS AND ADULT DAUGHTERS

I'm not a mother, but I'm an adult daughter with two sisters. The oldest daughter in our family has a really rough relationship with our mother. Having the only grandchild in the family has made it worse, not better! My mother is the oldest child among her siblings. She also had a rocky relationship with her mother. I wonder if my mother and grandmother had any disputes on how we were raised.

i only had one girl, the second born out of four. she was always the apple of my eye no matter what, her mothers pride and joy til puberty. then mom and her were at constant battle with each other for a few years. she still could do no wrong in my eye during all the troubles and changes.

when she hit 17, mom and her became best of friends, hung out, went drinking together and i was the evil one, still am.

go figure...

babsatamelia!!!
WHY TODAY??

I am an eldest daughter, and yesterday, me, mom and little sis were sitting in a pastor's office getting some 'therapy'.

My mother and I never yell or fuss, as a matter of fact, I treat her like a princess. But she can't stand me! My sister became upset for me, because my mom is always downgrading me for the most ridiculous things! My house smells like smoke, I don't dress as well as my sister (she's a beautiful fashion plate)...My hair is messy! Mom gave all the family heirlooms to her, saying I wouldn't take care of them. You'd think I lived in a garbage bin! (Hardly)

So, Sissy dragged us down to the church, and I found out VERY interesting things.

Leaving mom's dignity in tact here, we came to the conclusion that if your mom has baggage, Daughter #1 is going to get it unloaded on her. Generally, mom needs to correct all her real and imagined 'sins' or imperfections by MOLDING AND SQUEEZING her poor first daughter into the perfect creature MOM SHOULD HAVE BEEN.

I have been walking around this earth, in her eyes, as her 'punishment' for her 'sins' and a living, breathing reminder of everything that ever went wrong in her life.

**Per your eldest daughter-- Sincere sympathies for her unwillingness to clear the air with you.
My advice: 1) If you honestly don't see any blame on your part, and she can't tell you anything--do not accept any blame, or those bad feelings you must have.
2) Don't give up trying to get close to her. One day, if you both live long enough, it will straighten out if you keep offering yourself to her.

Mother/daughter relationships must be the most complicated mess known to humanity.

Best wishes to you.

Touchy, touchy subject.

Lash Goth ~ I'm sorry. Hope you know that other people recognise, love and respect YOU. Just for being you.

Happy to say, for me, that Mom (Misti) takes me for exactly who I am and while she may not agree with me most of the time, she accepts me. Greatest gift a parent can give to a child.

Rae--
How wonderful for you. And your mom's kind treatment and acceptance of you is probably why you are as sweet and caring...(I guess you can take some credit for that, as well.)

Not to worry. I am not crying in my soup. Mom treats me great (to my face.) I hauled her silly butt around after her colonoscopy today. She was wasted on drugs. A fun position to have her in.

She admitted to her errors with me, and is trying to make amends. No need. I forgave her along time ago. Its just nice for her to finally ASK for forgiveness.

I think we'll be ok.

However, I'm afraid you have committed to love me unconditionally now. Will hold you to it, and return.

Hi, Babs,

Like Joni Mitchell, the vocalist who sang Glen Campbell's "Both Sides"I try to look objectively at both my childhood, and the childhood of my two children. I discovered something quite interesting. IT CANNOT BE DONE.

Since I was the baby of my family, born when my parents were forty-four years old, I never really knew them that well. My older sister was rather like a surrogate mother. When I became a teenager, I became a rival, of sorts. Guess I'm still suffering from the hoary errors of Freud.

Each situation is unique in families.The common bond in my family was music, and of course, I carried that over into the setting event of my child rearing.

My oldest sister is the matriarch of my family and the keeper of the flame of heritage. We all love each other, but we do far better apart.

I do believe that every member of my family had/have very strong personalities, and that accounts, in part, for the sibling rivalry.

Suffice it to say, the hardest job anyone ever has in this world is parenting.

Babs, I have to say in my case it's the opposite. I had two daughters, Rae and Kim. Rae is the oldest/eldest (?), and she and I get along fine. On the other hand, getting along with my Kim is like walking on egg-shells. As far as she's concerned, I haven't done anything right in my life, least of all respect her as the queen she is, he he!

I've heard it said when you're too much alike, there's fireworks between you, but ...... I dunno 'bout that!

Thanks Lash Goth.....

Totally off subject.....I took my Dad for his colonostomy a few years ago and we had the best time.....

My Dad and I have always gotten along very well, but weren't really touchy-feely people.....until that day!

When the colonostomy was over, we signed off on the list of things 'not to do', left the doctors office and immediately went to IHOP for a huge pancake breakfast, then to the video store where we rented five movies (Abbott & Costello among them), then to the grocery store for Guinness Stout and beer.

All five movies played on the VCR, but Dad and I spent so much time talking, I don't think we watched any of the movies. It was GREAT!

The next day, Dad told me I was 'alright'.

That's me! Oldest/eldest daughter! That's me!

Love ya, Ma.

i forgot to mention that the fireworks started between the two of them this year, i guess that's normal for mothers and daughters.

Rae--
I guess the best thing for familial relations is drugs.

You are evil to flaunt your love fest!!!
kidding

mikey52--
I thought they'd patched up? I thought it was now you in the doghouse?

Who is she currently at war with?

Well, jeez.....anesthesia is pretty potent, LG! I tried to talk Dad out of it.....I swear.....But, give him IHOP pancakes and the man is complete mush.....

Yep, Mikey. and just as frequent between fathers and sons.


Rae, you call her Ma. I like that. I always called my mother Mama, and my daughter calls me Clyde...

My grandson calls me Grammar..love it.

Rae--
I see. It was the pancakes.

Letty ~ (you just make me smile!) I always referred to myself as 'Mama' when I was teaching Dougy how to talk.....he adopted 'Mom', but when he's not feeling good or wants to talk about something serious, he goes back to 'Mama' and it just melts my heart.

The pancakes. The whole pancakes. And nothing but the pancakes.

I call my mom ma too. I don't think she likes it so much.

I think 'Ma' is more of a northern thing.