I need some advice/guidance

or Aunt just doesn't want Other Mom to know she has been careless

That's good.

I made that change and added this:



Good?

I like that.

If she remembers anything about being a tween/teenager, she'll know that you can ask him to hold off but ... he's a teenager.

I like the balance of the tone.

Okay.

I'm going to send it now so I can at least be over this part of it.

Deep cleansing breath eh

It's gone.

I'm going to hit the gym and work off all this stress.

Aunt needs to take some responsibility for what she has done. If she keeps disrupting Mo's life with this stuff, maybe she needs to only have supervised visits with Mo. It isn't just Mo, it is your family and the new family of Mo's other mom that she has so thoughtlessly disturbed.

She needs to help clean up the mess she has made., especially if OM does not want contact with Mo right now.


We have a similar situation in our family. I am aware (have been since i was a pre-teen about Mo's age) that I have an older brother from a previous marriage. My mom gave up custody as part of their divorce when he was a toddler. She, nor we, have ever had contact with him. My younger brother and I always kept aware of where they were living and wanted to meet him.

Mom has always asked us not to contact him because she doesn't know if he has ever been told about her since his father remarried soon after their divorce and no one has ever attempted contact with her.

A few years ago I became aware of him being on Facebook and have wanted to contact him, tell him about mom and show him all the photos we have of him. I thought it would be the last chance for he and mom to reconnect before her dementia worsened. I asked her about it, showed her his adult age photos on Facebook, and asked if she was interested in contacting him. She decided not to disturb things after all this time and let things be.

I still go to his Facebook page to see what he is up to. The family resemblance is uncanny. I haven't friended him or made any contact, but I think about him now and then, especially when I read these type of posts about your family.

I don't know if he was ever told about mom or if he knows he has a half sister and brother. I wish there was a way to find out. I suspect he does not since there have never been any contact attempts that we are aware of.

I'm not sure which is worse, knowing and knowing no contact effort has been made, or having contact effort rejected, or knowing but not knowing if they have been told.

Sometimes it sucks how complicated families can be. I hope your two families are able to navigate the rough waters and can satisfy everyone's wishes, whatever they may be.

boomer, in MY opinion,
its just a matter of Mo exercizing his right of free speech.
If his biological mother dislikes that, that is HER concern,
but it shud not (at ANY age) interfere with Mo 's right to express himself.
Mo is perfectly within his Constitutional rights to initiate contact.
That right is not age-sensitive.

If Mo 's birth mother does not like that,
then let her petition a court of competent jurisdiction for a protective order.

That will probably be a case of first impression.





David

Thanks for sharing that, Butrflynet. BBB truly managed that with grace and class. It had to have been very difficult for her and for you too.

Families are incredibly complicated.

Sometimes you just have to let the past stay in the past.

Oh c'mon, David!

I won't allow Mo to ride roughshod over anyone, especially his mom. Maybe I'm fooling myself but I like to think I've raised a better person than that.

By saying: "HELLO" ?

I will not deny that.
I hold him in the highest esteem. I admire his character.





David

I tend to disagree with that.
The husband (George) of my late cousin, Norma,
suspected for many years that he had been adopted.
He brought up the subject a lot.
Late in his life, his adoptive mother confirmed that.
It was not likely that his birth mother remained alive.
Thay never met. I 'm pretty sure that he wanted to meet her.
( The refutation of that is: "O, yea??? Then Y did he fail
to take active steps to find her???? )





David

That question of why she has the other kids and not him is the biggie.

I am afraid don't have time to read the entire thread but If Bio mum responds to you a priority of mine would be to have a shared narrative re this. I think you already have it....ie that she was in very different circumstances when she had her subsequent children.....but the no contact with Mo is going to be the killer.

I am assuming it would have been just too emotionally wrenching for her? or did she never bond with him in the first place?

Clearly she made a damn good decision leaving him with you so there's a lot to build on there

boomer has already asserted
that their mother does not have the girls.

That 's all there is.

The decision is HIS,
whether he is consciously aware of it, or not.
He might accept counsel from u.

I 've known situations wherein delaying was fatal;
i.e., wherein a law professor ostensibly in good health
did not live thru the weekend, such that I cud not
address some questions of legal theory to him
on the following Monday because I procrastinated.





David

She left her kid with a friend, if she did not care about him a lot worse would have happened.

More often it is that we need to take the best that they could do as good enough. We are not Gods!

It's been about 36 hours since I sent the note and I haven't heard anything so there's our answer as I'm pretty sure she's had a chance to read it.

I found myself obsessively checking my email and feeling weird when there was no reply so I had to walk away from my computer for a bit.

I feel like I've really hurt her. And now I have to hurt Mo by telling him he needs to back off, which will be doubly hard to do now that he knows she has a relationship with the sisters.

I'd like to wring Aunt's neck but honestly I don't think I have the energy.

The girls don't live with OM but she has liberal visitation and they are included in family events, and they're all over her public Facebook area, and that's left Mo dazed and confused.

I do think she bonded with him as best she could. She didn't have very good role models for this and she didn't have any family support at all when he was little.

Now I just need to find the right words...

The decisions is not just his. It's hers too. Being rejected by her could be very painful for Mo. I'd like to spare him that.