Is looking through spouse's cell phone spying?

Yes, yes, and yes.

But do tell... what did you find?

I'm not tech savvy except in my own field of education . But call log and instant messaging were cleared. Calendar had remainders for business dinners and luncheons. I've looked three different times..I feel like an eel but lately stuff doesn't add up.

It's all over.

When it gets to this point...it's all over.

You just don't realize it yet.

Yes.

Yup.

yes
yes
yes

I think a relationship is over when this happens. There can be no trust on either side at this point.

The only time I checked my wife's emails was after she'd died so I could settle her affairs, and no I never found anything remotely suspicious.

Using that person's phone to Google something? Nothing wrong with that. Calling someone with the spouse's phone for any reason? Nothing wrong with that.

Like everyone here so far: Yes. Yes. Yes. If you have a problem with your spouse and his/her possible infidelity? Ask. If you really don't believe the answer you get? Hire a detective. Otherwise, don't shatter that wall of trust with this invasive snooping.

How is hiring a detective different than snooping through a cell phone?

It's legal and he/she can get find out more information about someones activities (if they actually doing something) other then finding suspicious that a person has cleared his phone's internet access, call, and texting history.

That person just might be OCD about having a clean phone. That kind of data takes up valuable real estate on a phone with limited memory.

You: I checked his phone. He may or may not have erased some compromising details from its memory. HE must be doing something sinister.

Private investigator: Nope. I followed him. Checked his social network statuses. Talked to other people in his real world network. Nope. Not doing anything other then keeping a clutter free phone.

Either way, your trust in him is broken (hire a PI or not). Without any solid evidence of his possible transgressions, the impetus is on you not to make things worse.

Sometimes things aren't clear. And stuff you hear doesn't add up... First time I've felt this way. 22 years together .

Your first question "Is looking through spouse's cell phone spying?" is a yes or no question. The answer being yes.

Your second question "Is it completely inappropriate to look through your spouse's cell phone on occasion?" is a circumstantial and opinionated question. My ex starting showing signs of infidelity: sleeping in the guest room so he could text until the early hours in the morning; staying late at "work"; etc. I knew asking would have gotten me nowhere. So, I snooped. Found out he was fooling around with his coworker.

Your third question "Is it downright obnoxious?" is, again, a circumstantial and opinionated question. For you it may not be, but for your spouse it may be obnoxious. How often are you looking through your spouse's phone? Everyday? Once a week?

Your fourth question "Is it a breech of trust?" is a yes or on question. The answer being yes. Whether it's warning signs from your spouse, insecurities or curiosity that cause the snooping, it's still a breech of trust. You have to ask yourself why you're looking through their phone. Have they given you a reason to believe they're up to no good? If so, address it. Is it your insecurities? If so, address it. If it's curiosity, address it. Tell your spouse your reason and if they hesitate to show you what you're asking for, then get suspicious. We share show much with our significant others that e-mails, cell phone messages, etc. shouldn't be an issue.

If someone is dishonest enough to hide something, why would you expect this person to tell the truth simply because you're asking an outright question?

This assumption that simply because he cleans his phone from clutter he's definitely doing something that makes him feel guilty is utter nonsense. Just because he's clearing his phone records doesn't mean he's cheating on you. All of that data is taking up valuable space in a phone with limited space. I do it every week. Does that mean I'm cheating ... oh wait. I don't have a significant other so... who am I cheating on since clearly cleaning out ones phone means literally only one thing.

Whether or not your significant other is fooling around on you, you probably need to see a therapist about your obvious paranoid feelings and your ability to assume the worst on such little evidence.

I believe you may have misinterpreted what I said. I'm trying to explain that if you (as the snooper) are honest up front with someone about these feelings you've been having then ask to see their phone, e-mail, etc. Then, if they hesitate to show you, and/or don't give valid reasons as to why they cannot share information with you, you'll know they're up to no good.

Thanks..there are any other reasons things don't add up..he hardly ever uses this phone but it's always squeaky clean. If you care to ask ill share. I wasn't going by this simply assumption alone.. The question was actually if other people feel as horribly as I do to resort to this ..and is it ever ok..I actually feel terribly about doing this..but my options to find out what's really going on are very limited.

I was wondering how the moral objection changes

You need to talk to each other. You are on a path of imagination which is usually not very accurate. Simply ask.

If you think your spouse is dishonest you have a big problem. Since you are snooping instead of asking, your spouse has one too. Why do people do this to each other?

This: "Whether or not your significant other is fooling around on you, you probably need to see a therapist about your obvious paranoid feelings and your ability to assume the worst on such little evidence."