How do I get my husband to grow up and stop being childish?

It sounds pretty extreme behaviour - does he often get so bad tempered, or is it over this particular type of issue, not wanting you to do voluntary work or have a life of your own? Hard to know how to advise you without knowing a little more about you both - age group, how long married, and so on.

It certainly sounds as if he's behaving like a stroppy teenager, but without more facts it's hard to know how to help. Were you on good terms before he went off on his present job?

He's the one who needs to do the actual changing. I don't think anything you could do would be enough to do it for him. In fact, you trying to change him just might backfire. He could end up worse as he might resent your attempt.

If you want him to understand that his attitude is childish then you are going to have to likely get a third party (a close friend of his) to sincerely deliver the message as if the idea was the friend's own idea.

umm...isn't that called emotional neglect...or worse...desertion?

Mercy sakes...what about his talking to his children and checking up on their and your needs?

What is missing from this story?

It's time to get a paying job. Many women get completely isolated from normalcy and the sooner you are self supporting the better. Don't fall into the trap that you don't have marketable skills, running a household and parenting children gives you skills most women tend to dismiss. Your husband could be childish, but he strikes me as a selfish jerk. You need to make sure your children and you are safe and secure.

I'm agreeing with all, Rosemary, especially Glitterbag. It's okay to stay at home and take care of children and the household, but don't let yourself get in a position where you must depend on someone for support. I don't know if you are in this sort of situation or not, but don't let it happen.

You're saying you haven't communicated with your husband and the father of your children in six weeks? You can't get him to grow up, or anything else in this kind of situation. He doesn't sound like either husband or father.

Rosemary, perhaps as he works away from home, what ever you volunteered for he sees as a threat of you meeting other men, as he is not there often enough, perhaps it's fear.

But, 6 weeks without talking to you, he has no idea whether you took it up or let it be.. I'm thinking he would "expect" you to let it be.

He does not control your life just because you are married to him, you should be able to make decisions on your own, as long as you are not doing anything un-toward.

Having said that, what do you think his logical reason is for not wanting you to do this, is it due to the children? Where will they be if you are volunteering somewhere?

I too think there is more to this story.

Is he still going to work? Can you contact them, at least?

The reason I ask is that the first thing that came to mind (sorry; I'm often the Voice of Doom) was that he'd been killed or injured, and they didn't have any way of contacting you.

There is something really wrong here if your husband can go for six weeks without calling you, even if it is just to check on the kids. There seems to be a complete lack of any interest or concern for their - and your - well-being.
Like others have said, I too think there must be more to this story than we've been told.

I disagree with this advice - manipulation by another, which would only be a stopgap anyway, even if it worked. Your husband seems on first read to be all authority with apparently little sense, but then, as others have said, we don't know what is going on in either your relationship or with his control issues.

I have a strong feeling there is another side to this story.

What your describing is not childish behavior.

I just have a couple of questions.

Does your husband work away from home all the time? If so, how long is he away for at a time, and how long is he at home for between trips?
Does he usually act like this when you do something he doesn't like?
Has he ever gone for this long without speaking to you before?
Did you do the voluntary work after all?

I agree with Finn. This story doesn't make sense.

Start preparing yourself for life-after-hubby.

Like glitter b said. This is not appropriate behaviour for a father or husband.

@vonny, yes we were on good terms before he left. We have been married for 22 years and age group is late 40's to early 50's. Unfortunately, I have had alot of ups and downs in my marriage because of his behaviour. He never says he's sorry, he doesn't talk for days and doesn't support me like he should. Since I posted this, I still haven't heard from him.

@ragman, that is exactly what I am wondering "why he hasn't been in contact to see how the children are." He only very recently contacted one of my boys via text message but never asked how we are doing.

@found soul He does try to control what I do. He never gave a logical answer as to why he doesn't want me to do it. The children would be with me while I am doing this, so that shouldn't be a concern. There isn't any more to the story. I just think he is mad that I went again and did this. It's not a big deal, even my children understand.

@jespah, well after a few weeks went by, I contacted his nephew to see if my husband was all right. His nephew was able to get in contact with him but I couldn't because he refused to pick up. Anyway he was alright.

@cherrie, yes my husband works away from home all the time. He only comes home twice a year for a couple of weeks and we would go over to him on school breaks. He usually doesn 't speak to me when I do something he doesn 't like. This is the longest he has gone without speaking to me. Yes I did do the voluntary work because I am not gonna let him tell me what I can or can't do. I've had problems with him all through my marriage because he is always right and never wrong. I'm tired to taking his emotional abuse.

Since he isn't dead or incapacitated, his passive-aggressive anger at you (and for what? For having a life without him, seeing as he's away most of the year) and directing it at your innocent bystander children is, to use the technical term, a dick move.

This is crap. Men (or, really, anyone) over the age of about 7 don't behave this way.

Question - can you make it on your own? You kind of are already doing that, anyway.