How do I get my husband to grow up and stop being childish?

True, but they also get used to it.

Thanks for your support.

Rosemary, no one should have to live like this. If there was a gram of compassion in his body, he would have least checked in on the children. What you really should be thinking of is your children, I know you worry about them, but his selfish neglect makes him irrelevant in your family life. Your children need to know you are not sitting around waiting for himself to show up and scatter tidbits of attention around the house. I realize he is their father and your husband, but what does he bring to the table besides his miserable self. Do you want a son to mimic this behaviour, or a daughter to settle for someone like her father?

Whatever drew you to him initially can't possibly be the reason you stay. They don't hand our marriage medals for endurance, and if you are concerned what others might think, get over that right now. They don't live with him, and don't really have a clue what you put up with because you seem very pleasant and I'm
sure you put on a good face to protect that worthless bag of bones reputation.


I wish you would let us know if you have resources in your area that could help you. Frankly, I think I might be filing a missing person report on this life form because of his long absence and the fact he refuses to answer the phone. But as I mentioned in the PM, I worry what might happen if his control is challenged. He doesn't sound like a man who graciously accepts advice from a mere woman.



You know you can send me a PM anytime, and I will do what I can. I have no idea where you are, but I understand the vagueness. I suspect this man frightens you somewhat, if that's true, it's very smart to avoid giving him anything to get even angrier about. With all due respect to the sisterhood, if you have ever had a beating by an angry man, you want to get away, not confront him.

I would also ask the men in this forum to understand the situation Rosemary is in and the trials I had with my first husband are not normal or typical male behaviour. Please don't think we are painting all men with the same brush. Men and women have been getting along for millennia, we need each other and when the match is good it's heaven (with the occasional dust up and argument).
But good men don't beat their wives and good women don't butter the staircase hoping their spouse will arrive early in the great whatever.

I'm sorry Rosemary has to deal with this and hope she finds the strength to sever that tie. You can be lonelier living with a jerk than living by yourself. I'm talking from experience. Hopefully if she lives in the US she is in a State with resources that help women and children safely separate from impossible situation. I've donated clothing and children's things to the YWCA, they have safe houses, training and job placement. It's not like being home with Mom, but it's a pathway to future independence and a better/happier life.


Good luck Rosemary, PM me at any time.

Never crossed my mind.

Thanks Roger, people get upset with negative comments and sometimes assume you mean all men or all women. Sadly, I see young women my sons age with ridiculous expectations regarding their spouses. I find it irritating, I raised my sons to treat others with respect, but I get the feeling that these 30 something's were raised to believe they are superior to their spouses. I can expand later maybe in a different thread. It's troubling, but maybe it's just these particular 30 something's I am around. Anyway, this is to help Rosemary, not a place for me to rant.

I have seen people with that broad brush here. Fortunately, they've either left or been on ignore long enough to be mostly forgotten.

Let's see here: isn't the purpose of this thread about this women's tragedy and not about you or your axe you grind? Believe it or not...this is not about you or your political crusade.

Normal life.

The road is long, has many twists and turns, at some point it ends up just a long road with no more twists and turns and it looks awesome, Summer, Winter, Spring, Autumn and there is someone by your side, that walks it with you.

That's the normal life.. Rosemary has / is going through the twists and turns there's nothing wrong with wanting her to get to that long road ... leading to a normal life.

Thank you. This is certainly not normal what I am going through right now.

Yes that is indeed me. I do believe that you are a miserable **** heel for your ridiculous belief that women cannot be sexually assaulted. If you think repeating my words will embarrass me, you are sorely mistaken. You may not believe the misogynist views you express, but the idea that most rapists are in jail because a women wanted to punish them is beyond belief. What about pedophiles, is there plan formulated by 5 year old girls and boys to put innocent adults in prison. I find it the height of bad manners to show up on a thread started by a woman looking for help to try and embarrass me. You are lower than whale ****, and that sits on the bottom of the ocean.

I think you will be a lot happier sharing your dim view of women with that other creep BillRm (whatever he calls his loathsome self) trolling for people who have suffered sexual abuse so you can sympathize with their tormentors. You want a supporter who sees things your way? Call Rush Limbaugh, Ted Bundy was executed. You are a complete jackass (with apologies to real Jackass, who probably can't read this anyway)

Strong message to follow, provoke me again.

If might be helpful to know that Hawkeyes family was the inspiration for the SHOWTIMES series "Shameless". Well of course they had to pretty it up a ton because the real family life was so degrading no one would be able to stomach it. So naturally, from his standpoint, of course this is everyday life. You have to transport yourself to planet Cretin to really understand this loosely defined life form, where folks love their DaddyUncle and marry their mothers sisters or their own sisters, it's a lovely place called idiots paradise. I'm not sure where you find this heaven on earth, I suspect it surround hawkeye like a small hoop and moves around him where ever he roams.

Being gone for eight weeks and not communicating is not normal or acceptable. I worked out of town. If I didn't talk to my wife for a couple days she made sure I knew she didn't like it. Because she cared about me. We communicate. That's what a partnership is about and a marriage is a partnership. I am sorry about this situation you are in. Do something about it. Next time be more careful about who you have a relationship with. You don't have to accept this abuse. Your kids are old enough to help. They deserve better too.

Thank you for your input. I wish my husband would understand that a marriage needs communication. It is going to be really awkward when we do finally meet up face to face again. I do have regrets about the decisions I've made but I was young, only 18 when I met him and I guess that I always thought that through time things would change. I know now that I should have left a long time ago.

I don't mean to be so harsh, just clear. I know it's much different when it's you.

It just really bothers me to see women abused.

if a broken relationship is abuse then it is mutual abuse, but you will have trouble convincing me of that.

but you are brainwashed by victim culture so you will carry on with your nonsense I am sure.

You are right in one respect, we are hearing only one side of the story. But, I despise the whole mentality that the man is in charge and the wife is the servant. Both suffer in that arrangement. Being gone 8 weeks and not communicating is not maintaining a relationship. You are predisposed to take up for the abuser, the worse they look the more you support them.

If being brainwashed by victim culture means fighting for those being abused, so be it.

I don't appreciate your comments. I can tell you right now it is not mutual abuse. You don't sound like a very understanding person. You are very much one sided and maybe it is you who is brainwashed. Furthermore, if you don't have anything nice to say, keep your thoughts to yourself.

jeez hawk, you have a way with women...