How to handle this sex situation

Oh, one more thing. Don't torture yourself too much over how she feels. You can't control how she feels and trying to make her happy (or keep her from flipping out) is too big a stress for you to keep up with. I can understand your not wanting to hurt this girl, but I think it's inevitable, unless she meets someone else or decides herself to end the relationship.

Snap out of it Kicky! This is an easy one. Just go to Rhoda's house Thursday night. :wink: Problem solved.

kicky, if you decide to go with Mary, send Rhoda over to the swamp.

(And tell her to wear that slinky black thingie.)

I ended up losing a 'Mary' because of a 'Rhoda'.

On the other hand... 'Mary' and I got back together... It only took 14 years (and one bad marriage apiece).

I'm sorry, I know this has absolutely nothing to do with this thread, but I couldn't help but laugh when I read this sentence because of what I was reminded of. I used to live in a fairly small community in Hawai`i and there were several people who had chickens in their front yard! It struck me as one of the oddest things. They had these little a-frame structures dotted all over the front yard. I assumed they were cover for the chickens during the rainy part of the day, although I really don't know for certain. My neighbours had chickens and when I'd get up for a graveyard shift, I'd hear the rooster crow soon after I turned on my bathroom light. *L* Of course, it wasn't so funny when he would crow in the morning, before I had to get up!

Anyhow, that's my little story for the day.

Bill, I can't go to her house, because she lives in Kew Gardens, which is a pretty long ride away. That will make it an even later night.

So here's my plan. I am thinking I'm going to tell Rhoda that I forgot I had plans for Friday, right after work, and that I will have to make it an early night on Thursday. And if she asks, I will tell her that I have plans with Mary. This will probably piss her off, but at least this way I am not bowing out completely. The only problem is that her thing on thursday is at a club, and I think all the action starts pretty late.

Does this sound like a good plan?

I'd be in favor of something even more straightforward -- something about your concern that this is more than a sex buddy relationship to her.

Maybe both; tell her it will have to be an early night on Thursday, and then when you get together, have a talk.

I definitely like the not lying part of it, though.

Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind
Lovin' Spoonful
{Refrain 1}
Did you ever have to make up your mind
Pick up on one and leave the other behind
It's not often easy and not often kind
Did you ever have to make up your mind
{Refrain 2}
Did you ever have to finally decide
Say yes to one and let the other one ride
There's so many changes and tears you must hide
Did you ever have to finally decide
Sometimes there's one with big blue eyes, cute as a bunny
With hair down to here, and plenty of money
And just when you think she's that one in the world
You heart gets stolen by some mousey little girl
And then you know you'd better make up your mind...
{Refrain 1}
Sometimes you really dig a girl the moment you kiss her
And then you get distracted by her older sister
When in walks her father and takes you a line
And says, "You better go home, son, and make up your mind"
And then you bet you'd better finally decide...
{Refrain 2}

I get your point SP. But I don't want to make up my mind prematurely. What if the Mary thing doesn't work out? Then where will I be?

I did it. I didn't even give her any details, I just told her that I had to work early the next day and didn't want to make it a late night. And she was cool with that, no questions asked! I was all worried over nothing! Phew!

Now I don't have to lose my sex buddy! Right now I wouldn't mind ending this thing, but that's what usually happens lately. I sleep with her, then I immediately want to leave, and I think about ending it, and then a couple weeks later I'm making plans with her again.

Oh well, maybe Mary will save me.

Ugh. If the thing with Mary doesn't work out, que sera, sera! You'll be single and celibate like the rest of us non-married, non-in-a-relationship types.

Boo hoo, I'm not feelin' the sympathy thing for ya k.c.

No need for sympathy, Caprice. It seems to have worked out perfectly. Yipppeeeee!!

What happens next time?

No offense, because this is your life, not mine, but don't you think you should be straight with this girl?

How am I not being straight with her? I told her I had plans on friday and needed to make it an early night. She knows about Mary. I don't see where the lie is.

I guess I should be more clear. I wasn't speaking of this incident in particular, but your relationship with Rhoda in general. I get the impression that you have never had a clear and distinct conversation with her saying "we are boink buddies and we can go out every once in a while, but that's as deep as our relationship will ever be."

It's just that from your own description, I think this girl is expecting more, regardless of the fact she knows you're seeing someone else. Maybe I'm wrong. I hope for both your sakes I am.

BTW - sleeping with two women (assuming you get lucky Friday with Mary) is not a good idea. Yes they "know" of each other right now, not really sure where the other stands in your life, but jealousy will rear its ugly head in time and you are going to be the one lashed to pieces by one or both of these women.

If things progress with Mary in that you want to regularly date her and she is your girlfriend, then you have to tell Rhonda you cannot sleep with her any longer. If she hits the roof then she hits the roof. You can't continue having your cake and eating it too because it really will bite you in the ass.

Of course if you don't care about either of them a whit, then carry on as you are.

You stud muffin you!!!!

I know what you mean about the timeframe. Yeah physically you could do two nights but it is the setting of the trap (I mean ... stage) that you want time for in order to seduce Mary. I reckon if it were the other way around - you sleep with Mary Thursday and Rhonda Friday, then you would not have a problem because you would not be making the place nice and prepping for Rhonda.

You do realize, don't you, that you don't actually have a sex buddy?

Sexual fidelity, in and of itself, doesn't have a lot of value for me. But truth sure does.

Rhoda knows enough about you and your life and your situation that she could really muck things up for you with Mary if you wait too long to tell her that you're seeing her only to have sex with her, and that if anything better comes along you're gone. Get it over with.

Okay, it seems that my own guesses about what Rhoda might be thinking have gotten you guys thinking that she is not aware of the situation. She knows that I don't want a relationship with her. She knows this is just a sex thing. Whether she wants more or not from me, I can't say for sure, but she is well aware of how I feel. If she doesn't say anything, then I can only stick to our original arrangement, and let her decide whether she wants to go find somebody else or not. By the way, she sees other people too, and we talk about it. I support her in her quest for the right guy.

And of course I know that it could be over at any time. Doesn't bother me at all.

And there is no way Rhoda could screw up what I have with Mary. Mary is much too secure, and sure of what she wants. There is no jealousy in Mary at all, as far as I can tell so far.

Trouble postponed... is there a song for that?

Led Zeppelin's "When the levee breaks?" maybe?