The Queen is coming!

Get up early, leave a hunk of Kraft American Cheese on the table for breakfast, and beat feet.

LOL not sure that will work, she will have a schedule for everything, breakfast, lunch and dinner and you better not sway from her schedule or there will be hell to pay.

That's going to be difficult to do if you follow my scheme. You'll be at work before she's up, and working late while everyone else is enjoying dinner - such as it is.

I tried to convince him to just tell her we would be out of town that week but he said she would just pick another week anyway.

I met her in New York at our wedding, I remember her telling the waiter she wanted a bombay sapphire martini with four ice cubes, not three or five but four!

She is quite the demanding lady.

It is fun to observe arrogant people who aren't malicious or dishonest. Anyway, this just means you will have to sacrifice some of your comforts for a week, seeing that she is a guest and all at your house. Try to keep a sense of humor. You don't want to "snap" at the end of the week and potentially loose a friend.

Does she know that she's high maintenance?

Can she laugh at herself and her demands?

If the answers to both of those are yes, then I think it's not so bad. If she's not aware of her demands and how crazy they are, then it would be tricky for me (because I have trouble keeping a straight face around princess types).

Ditto. What Seaglass refers to as my sadistic sense of humor takes over.

Oh no! She doesn’t realize it at all! She would never admit how demanding she is. We use to have dinner out a lot when I lived in CA and the waiters just tolerated her because they knew she would always tip well. She wants what she wants and she wants it now! That has always been her attitude.

I’m probably the only person who tells her about her behavior and she listens but it doesn’t change anything.

She wants to visit just to see the new home we bought together, she is very critical. Her husband is 18 years older then her and he has spoiled her rotten!

Move all the yet to be unpacked boxes into the guest rooms (put stuff back into boxes if you have to) and tell her you aren't ready for overnight house guests. Tell her you'd love to show off the house to her and you'll make reservations for her at the best hotel in town.

... or take it a step further, even ... & start painting all the guest rooms as well!

How is she with dogs, cats, tortoises and kids?

Does she understand that it is their house and she'll have to fit around them and their routines?

If not, I think you'll have to be honest, explain that your busy family lifestyle might be difficult for her to adjust to, and tell her that you've booked a hotel room for her.

I’ve thought of that but she isn’t coming for three weeks and trust me there is no telling this woman no. If we did that you know what she would say? She would say I’ll sleep on the sofa and then when she got here she would insist we put together a guest bedroom for her.

Time for people not to put up with all that beeswax.

It's your house and your lives she is dropping in on.
The hotel was the correct idea, given her attitudes.
I've almost always preferred hotels/b + b's/motels since I like down time.
Friends I have stayed with several times happily over the years had house rules - you can come and go as you wish, wake and sleep as you wish. "I'll be cooking dinner for (husband) most early evenings and you are welcome to join us."

Well, that was the first visit and she never had to repeat all that since it was perfect for me (me, I'm going for a long walk... do you need anything if I pass the market?) Of course she ended up showing me her favorite art places in San Francisco and taking me to the best gardens - but those were her idea. I've always liked her husband too, good talks by the fireplace, good glasses of wine for all but the cat.

Other friends, who lived in a rambly old house in Napa, also let you do what you wanted, including plenty of reading time. I like thrift shops and so does she, so we did a regional tour of thrifties. He's a oenophile extraordinaire, so he pushed to take me to his (and hers) favorite vineyards. Wonderful days. No special care to fill time for the guest, just things working out sometimes to do stuff together. He did his work early in the morning, even earlier than you, Morgan, but when he got that done, was avid to talk and go to the wine cellar and come back upstairs and pour us all a glass of whatchmacallit.

Hmmm, both of these sets of pals like wine. Long time marriages, plus I've known them all forever. Your basic 'live and let live'.

Edit to say it's Marco's and Antonio's (and the dogs, etc) house too. Marco does not have to put up with her behavior for the next 29 years. Time to start the training.

I'm begining to get a real feel for this woman. I think I know her. Or her twin sister anyway.

How important is her friendship to you, jc?
She sounds quite insensitive & overbearing to me.
No one can insist on what happens in your own home, surely?
I can't imagine that would be much fun for your household, especially you?

You could always invite Anthony and his family to have every meal with you all. The bickering between you two should drive her to a hotel after the first day. If that doesn't work, ask Anthony to do a hair makeover for her.

She’s not fond of kids.

She is a dog lover, she had to put her dog Max down just recently. I posted that in the dog thread, actually I lied, Max wasn’t a sweet dog, he was a horrible mean animal, I said I would watch him while Bill and Debbie were on vacation for a week and I had to feed that animal, cooked chicken every night and I had to feed him on the bed or he would eat!

That little SOB had to be carried outside to get him to go potty and I had to wear gloves or he would bite me!

I’m going to have to bite the bullet and get a room in a hotel for her. I’ll just have to explain we are not settled enough for guest. She will have a fit but it’s better then Marco killing her!

I thought of that, sort of, except you worked out how to do it more thoroughly.

Yes! You could insist on it!