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Tue 2 Mar, 2004 05:21 am
Kickycan's worst and best date question got me thinking about an old flame who was a very special part of my life, so I decided to write him a letter to tell him just how special he was to me. I am sharing this letter with all of you and would like to know your thoughts on it before I mail it out.
Dear Mark
I have been a member of this great forum on the internet for a few years now and I've gotten to know many of the members there so well that I consider them my friends. This forum is a questions and answers forum where people ask questions or start discussions about various topic and anyone who knows the answer or wants to join discussions can jump right in. Lots of the questions or dicussions are started just out of fun and we all enjoy learning new things about eachother.
Anyway, someone asked what our best and worst date was and when I thought about my best date, the first thing that came to mind was the night you took me up to Prospect Hill. You could actually see Boston from that spot and the view was amazing. I remember us talking and kissing all night while we listened to Bob Seger. I told my friends about that night because that'a what I remembered to be my best date. Some people were touched with my story, so it got me to take a walk down memory lane and since you were a part of that, I wanted to share my thoughts with you.
Of all the relationships that I've been in, I have never shared the kind of love I had with you with anyone else. I will never forget how complete I felt being with you and how totally hypnotized I was by you. I have always wondered why I have never been able to feel that kind of intense love again and I've come to realize that this could only happen once in a lifetime. I may be wrong, but I don't think so.
Some people would think it's sad that we parted, but I am greatful that I was able to experience the kind of love that many people go a lifetime not knowing what that feels like. You gave me some of the most special memories of my life and I will treasure that for as long as I live.
You had so much respect for me as I had just as much respect for you.
We had very little in common, so obviously we drifted apart, but I wouldn't trade the love I had for you for anything.
There is no particular reason why I'm telling you all this after all these years. I just wanted to share my thoughts with you and let you know that you will always hold an important piece of my heart.
Some day you are going to make someone a wonderful husband and I envy her because she will have the pleasure of being with you.
I wish you all the happiness in the world because you deserve it.
Things are still great here in Canada. Spring is coming and I'm all excited with this years garden plans.
I hope all is well on your end.
Tell everyone I said hi and try to keep in touch if you can.
Thank you for the memories.
Love Always
Gisele
Montana, it's a lovely letter that reminds me of some I've written, then folded up and never sent. I tend to over analyze every situation, but I would ask myself how I would feel if I were on the receiving end of the letter, and also how I will feel if it is never acknowledged. Sometimes beautiful memories need to remain just that.
I've thought of that myself kirsten, but I also know that it would touch him to know that I've felt this way all these years. I forgot to add that we broke up 21 years ago, but we remained friends. I called him a few months ago and we had a blast talking about old times. I just wanted to let him know how deeply he had touched my heart.
Gisele------what a beautiful name!
I received a letter like that several months ago.
At first, I was flattered as all hell, like n "See? I knew he'd never be able to forget me!"
Then I became angry as in "Why'd he treat me so badly back then, if, as he writes now, I was his greatest love, hmm?"
Then I felt sorry for him, as in, "He's longin for me....he needs me....he's all alone on earth..."
Then I forced myself to remember how it "really" was, back then, and calmly tore up he letter and trashed it, thinking, "I'm done with him. It's in the past. I've changed a lot, since then, and I'm not allowing him to come back into my life again just because he was having a lonely moment and decided to involve me in his sentimental, needy memories."
Are you hoping he will feel the same and you might rekindle some sparks?
I know if I received a letter like this I would think the person was interested in maybe seeing if something was possible again.
If I received a letter such as that, Montana, I would be touched and moved. I would treasure that letter. And keep it.
And if my wife found it, she would flay me alive.
Worse, imagine if she found it among my effects after my death. Would she think I had carried a torch for another through all those years?
Now I know that you and Mark are not committed to others yet, but I sincerely hope that some day you will be.
Don't worry about his knowing how you feel. You talked and he heard your voice. Unless he's a complete idiot, trust me, he knows.
I met my old lover
On the street last night
She seemed so glad to see me
I just smiled
And we talked about some old times
And we drank ourselves some beers
Still crazy afler all these years
Oh, still crazy after all these years
Keep your beautiful memory, but keep in in your heart. I hope there will come another "Prospect Hill" for you. You are a dear girl and you deserve it.
(I really like George! Wow, what a great response.)
I've written letters like this, too. It's very cathartic, especially when you can pull them out and read them later. It helps to remember the depth of feeling and caring you're capable of...and your capacity for connecting to another human being. Those are such important things to remember.
Putting that letter in the mail is an entirely different matter, though. Whether consciously or unconsciously, by sending it you're eliciting a response from the reader. Regardless of your stated intentions, he may well interpret it as an appeal to get back together.
I think you should be very clear in your heart about why you want to send it. If you are open to a future relationship, then by all means, mail it! However, if that is NOT what you want...and please give this some serious thought...then keep the letter to yourself.
I guess everyone seems to think it would be a bad idea to send the letter, huh? Well, I don't know about that. You are both still single, and you are both still friends. What could it hurt? Sometimes it's better to do these things, even if you regret them later, which you might. As long as you know the risks involved, I think you should send it.
The actions that spring directly from the heart are the very things that make life worth living.
Katya8
Thanks for the compliment. Mark and I bother treated eachother with nothing but respect, so I know he wouldn't feel the same as you did.
Heeven
Not at all. Both him and I know that it's over and that things still wouldn't work between us as we are still the same people.
George
He's not married and if he was, I would never dream of sending him that letter. I know he would be touched because he felt the same intense love for me that I felt for him. It's just one of those things you can feel. I called him a few months ago and he was very excited to hear from me. We talked for hours about old times and our future plans. He is just such a wonderful guy that I wanted him to know how much of an important part of my life he was. Thanks for your kind words.
Eva
I am actually not expecting any response or looking to get back together with him and he will know this. I simply want him to know how special he is. I'm going to think on it for awhile before I send it though.
Kickycan
That's what I was thinking, but now I wonder. I know nothing bad would happen from it. I just wanted him to know how he touched my life and would like to touch his heart one more time before he ends up getting married and we lose touch forever.
I think I may re-write it and fix it up a bit, but I think I'm still going to send it. I can't think of anything that would make me regret it.
kickycan wrote:
The actions that spring directly from the heart are the very things that make life worth living.
BEAUTIFULLY said kickycan!
Montana,
Whatever the reason you want to send this letter.....just follow your heart. It was very touching and well written.
Even after all these years you can still talk for hours. That says alot....and also says that you are in his heart too. Be it as friends...or whatever.
Send it! If you don't.....you may always regret it.
If I got a letter like that from someone that I thought understand the past was past, I'd be very worried.
Writing a letter like that is a great way to get your feelings out, but it's a lot to put on someone else's plate, Montana.
Montana wrote:... I know nothing bad would happen from it. I just wanted him to know how he touched my life and would like to touch his heart one more time before he ends up getting married and we lose touch forever.
You don't actually know what will happen if you send the letter, Montana.
Saying you want to touch his heart suggests that there could be something else going on here for you.
Oh Montana, you wrote a beautiful letter with the kind of honest feeling and love that means so much to everyone who has a heart.
The advice you've already received is great. I agree that it seems that there is still unresolved feeling in your heart and that you should examine it very carefully. Men and women tend to react and respond differently to direct statements of love and fond memories.
Yet...you know my history and I wouldn't change it for anything. I never in the world thought I would ever do what I did. Sometimes following your heart is what makes life so incredibly beautiful.
Do what you think best. Your honesty shows through in every post--those of us who have enjoyed getting to know you online also know that you say what you feel. Your letter is a lovely gift from a generous spirit and, I'm sure, it will be treasured.
Beth
I'm not putting anything on his plate and he'll know that. He'll smile when he reads it and will be touched by what I said and that will be it. There is nothing going on except me wanting to let him know how much he meant to me in the past and what those memories still mean to me today.
Brooke
Yup, I think I will send it. Thanks ;-)
Diane
Thank you so much for that. I will think about it for awhile before I send it out, but I am honestly not looking for anything out of this.
I would find it heartwarming to receive such a letter from an old flame ... I would be grateful for it and cherish it.
It would reassure me to find out that the memory of how beautiful it was (as in, how BEAUTIFUL it WAS, heh) was not just mine ...
I would probably not reply, though - I mean, if it was an old flame I wasnt already still in contact with, anyway. There's a difference of receiving a heartwarming confirmation of a beautiful shared memory, and risking to rekindle something from the past.
If it were someone I was still in contact with, I would tell her thank you, that was ever so sweet, it meant a lot to me - and leave it at that.
If either reaction is enough for you - if it wouldnt disappoint you because you subconsciously really meant to open up something new with it - then I'd say, follow your heart and send it.
So many beautiful things are left unsaid out of fear of who knows, perhaps, it might be taken the wrong way, or someone or other might think it meant something it didnt ...
the things people die without ever having said, it's sad.
I am still in regular contact with one former flame, and we've had an occasional session or two, pondering, in half-finished sentences, how beautiful it was and what it all could have been - before getting up and saying, well, life went differently, and that was fine, too.
That made me feel very good, for what it's worth. Cause there's always ambivalences left, even years after a relationship ends - as in, how would she think back of it, now? i hope i didnt leave her angry, or insecure ... etc. To have talked about it just the once and shared an obvious warmth about it added a nice memory and made it whole, so to say.
Of course, there are exes such a talk wouldnt have gone quite the same way with ... but then, they wouldnt write a letter or get together for a homy, nostalgic chat, either ... ;-)
I think you did a great job in adding an explanation of how you came to write this letter, and that there's really "no particular reason" you are writing this now, just a trip down memory lane. I think you made it pretty clear that this letter is exactly that, a trip down memory lane, and shouldnt be fretted about ...
but perhaps, in that context, I would personally get rid of the "you are going to make someone a wonderful husband and I envy her because she will have the pleasure of being with you - I wish you all the happiness in the world because you deserve it" part. Cause that would make me think a bit.
And perhaps I would add a line explicitizing, like: don't worry, I'm not looking to renew anything ... cause the answers here, too, already make it clear that people would quickly take it to mean that.
Of course, if you are looking to renew something ... you'd better opt for other avenues, altogether <smiles>
nimh
I can't thank you enough for your response. I basically put that letter up here to get opinions on things I should add or take out and I think you're right about what I should take out of there as well. I will re-write it and take that part out that you mentioned. I knew I made it clear that I wasn't looking to do anything except to share my feelings, but I could make it a bit clearer.
Thanks for your advice and your thoughts ;-)
Montana:
I guess I'm the hopeless romantic, the one who says "go for it!" when it comes to matters of the heart.
I think everyone here has a lot of good advice, but based on your responses to them, it seems to me that you know exactly where your heart is and where your sentiments lie, not to mention those of your ex.
As for the letter itself (as that seemed to be what you were asking initially) I think it sounds just fine.
In my opinion (and don't we all love to give opinions here?
), everyone has their own outlooks on life based on their individual experiences. No matter what anyone here has said, their experiences are not yours, although the advice they gave might prompt you to ask questions of yourself that you might not have considered. Anyhow, I guess what I'm saying (and what you already know anyway) is that only you can know what is best for you.
[Edited for grammatical correction.]
Thanks a million Caprice :-) You're right in saying that I do know my ex well enough to know that he won't take it the wrong way. He knows how we both felt for eachother back then and that I'm just letting him know that those feelings have never been forgotten. He was very excited to hear from me when I called him a few months back and I know he still treasures those memories. You only live once and I know that letter would make us both happy :-D
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