What do you think about during sex?

I was PROVOKED, goddammit! It was self defence!

I KNOW what I think about during sex - NOW! Smeg it!

I worry about all that clenching and nasty thoughts and breathing and wondering going on inside the falla.

It's ruined.

I'm a gonna get that smegging Kickycan....


THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH!

Try this fearsome reality for your damned satire site Craven - only it's real....it is the after-this-damned-thread-reality....

Me: You're not clenching or anything are you?

Him: What? Clenching WHAT?

Me: Whatever men clench.

Him: What on earth are you talking about?

Me: I have found out men clench stuff to stop from having an orgasm too soon.

Him: (Stopping) We clench stuff?

Me: Yes.

Him: What the ...

Me: Yes - and you think horrid thoughts.

Him: I was thinking NICE thoughts.

Me: Were you?

Him: Yes - VERY nice thoughts - can I think them again?

Me: Sure - tell me about your nice thoughts....

..........................

A little bit later....

Me: Are you SURE you aren't clenching, or thinking nasty thoughts, or worrying about anything?

Him: I wasn't thinking about ANYTHING! NOW I'm thinking nasty thoughts...

Me: I knew it! What were you thinking? Why were you thinking them? What are you worrying about?

Him: YOU! I'm worrying about YOU!

Me: Why?

Him: Cos you've gone smegging NUTS, that's why!

Me: Oh, sorry, am I being over anxious?

Him: YES!!!! Will you shut up about clenching? Will you stop worrying about it? Will you think nice thoughts with me?

...........................

a little later.....



Me: Are you SURE............?



SEE???!!!

Men have to do all kinds of things if we want to be good lovers. Some study, years ago that I read said :
Average time for male to reach orgasm unimpeded : 1min 18 seconds
Average time for female to reach orgasm unimpeded: 4min 52 seconds

Do the math.

That's what happens when you try NOT to think about caprice, dlowan. Just go with it, bunny, it'll be good for you.







The evidence now before us, is that it IS possible to think too much during sex. I think I'll got back to wondering about thread counts.

dlowan, that was hilarious! I'm glad I could (with the help of all the guys on this thread) enlighten you.

Heyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't want to be in ANYONE's thoughts during the boinking process....except the one I'm in the boinking process with!

And, and....dlowan is thinking about kickycan's clenching!!! *sputters* Not me! Thank you very much!

*steams*



And I shall continue to not think....just enjoy!

I asked the guy I've been seeing what he thinks about. Told him about the thread. He knows about clenching, but he says he's thinking about nice things. I believe him.

Heehee - I woz just kiddin'.

Thank god, Little k - another guy who thinks about nice things....

Yep. I asked if he did math to hold off - haha! Now he thinks I'm weird.

Did you tell him about Slappy, littlek?

Or are we talking about Slappy?

Math? You asked him about math?? Har. Who could do math at a time like that?// Har har. I mean think of all the blood pressure you'd lose trying to do a quadratical equation? You'd lose it and then try to explain to her that you were trying to solve for Y/sub nul/ set N.

Like she'd believe that.

I usually say I'm depressed. Then she tries really hard to make me feel better.

But I don't ever let her put it in a padlock. J

Deb,

Clenching isn't that common of a tactic, it doesn't work well unless exercised a bit.

And the way it works for me is that clenching should happen in a pause, because clenching forces more blood into the penis and sensitizes it, it can also hasten orgasm if not done right.

So if the guy is going at it, he's probably not clenching anything but his butt (for the regular movements).

Anywho, I gotta be careful with any informative sex posts. Eva might see it.

I can picture it now... her blood begins to boil.

"Didn't I just put that snivelling twit in his place! I'll be dammed if I let him act like a 'sex expert'. The noive!"

She throws her breasts over her shoulders and starts typing furiously....

Ha! I'm still bloody traumatized! This is it for me and sex.

I can never put a man through such horror again.

"No, no, I can't - I can't put you through it... yes, you are very attractive - lovely in fact - but, can't you see - I'm not doing it for your own good....I'm not doing it because I CARE!"

We CAN type with our breasts in front where they belong, you know! I am doing it right now....

Yeah, I get that a lot.

"It's not you, it's me. See I just don't like you."

You sure you didn't throw them over your shoulders? Just out of habit and didn't even notice?

Yes. Quite sure.. They don't actually GO over our shoulders, you know. Not generally, anyway - I suppose it might happen - VERY rarely....

Do you have to get that one big ball of yours out of the way before you type?

I've been wondering.....

No, I use it as a bean bag.

You SIT on it!!!!!?????

That is weird.

Seriously, though, for a moment, (some worrying thoughts of Craven ensconced in his ball while typing intrude in a horrifying manner - I soooo hope you never did that in chat - OUT DAMNED THOUGHT!!!) if Wimmin are smegging evil fits in Waggery, I woulda thought this one did too - it is a truly hilarious thread, I think.

*LMAO*

dlowan, dontchya wonder about the wimmins he knows....I mean....if they have boobs that can be swung over the shoulder??