Guess what guys! Im gonna be a big sister! :)

@chai2,

This part sounds like she's just kind of waiting to find out their decision:

Gracie wrote:

My dad and Katie aren't sure where we're moving. He told us he was thinking about moving on the phone when we were in Canada. (Told not asked. He doesnt even care what we think ) He said he was looking but he wasnt sure yet. A few days ago I overheard him and Katie talking about moving to a city around the Bay Area so thats like 2-3 hours away.

But maybe he's talked with her since then, or plans to but hasn't yet.

3 Replies

@sozobe,

yeah - he told them he was thinking about moving

"he said he was looking but he wasn't sure yet

I think it might have been a mistake to even say that much til he and Katie have a better sense of their plans for the family. Six kids is a lot to deal with.

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Those friends I had in Chicago? I'm still in touch with four of them, nearly sixty years later. That's four more than I'm in touch with from high school, and equal to those I'm in touch with from university (though those much more so). We were all raised on letter writing. It's easier now, of course. I went to one of their weddings.
Losing people can be a choice, and they may do it as well, that's natural too.

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@sozobe,

sozobe wrote:

This part sounds like she's just kind of waiting to find out their decision:

Gracie wrote:
My dad and Katie aren't sure where we're moving. He told us he was thinking about moving on the phone when we were in Canada. (Told not asked. He doesnt even care what we think ) He said he was looking but he wasnt sure yet. A few days ago I overheard him and Katie talking about moving to a city around the Bay Area so thats like 2-3 hours away.

But maybe he's talked with her since then, or plans to but hasn't yet.

Looking at what Gracie said her dad said, I suppose it's all a matter of one decided to emphasize when hearing it.

You could, if you were bound and determined to be pissy about not being the doted upon little girl any more hear "he TOLD us he was thinking about it" and decided that meant he told her "we're moving"

Or, you could hear it that "He told us he was THINKING about it."

This makes more sense to me, as what was he supposed to say "I'm thinking (if that ok with you 14-15 year old daughter) of thinking about moving, but of course that's entirely up to you if I can even consider it."

He didn't TELL her they were moving. He didn't say the words "I'm TELLING you I'm thinking about this" He said "I'm thinking about it."

Of course he TOLD her. How do we know what anyone is thinking, unless they tell us.

I had a friend for many years, that I knew from about the time I was Gracies age.

Another close friend once said to me "Have you ever noticed that when you say goodbye to soz on the phone, and say something like 'I'll call you later' that she will never be the one to pick up the phone and make the call?" I don't know if it was an expression that was specifcally used where I grew up, or if people really pay that much attention to specific words, and the order, but I thought it unbelievable that just because a person would say "I'll call you later" she would take it to mean "You are going to call me, which means I'm not going to call you, even if I had something important to say."

I think, in general saying to a friend "I'll call you later" just means "at some point one person will call the other. Duh"

So, I tried that. I specifically said I'll call you later, and I'll be damned if she didn't call me for weeks. We saw each other at school every day. Saw each other at the beach, etc etc. but where we would talk to each other almost daily on the phone....nope.
I finally said "hey, this is weird, do you realize we haven't talked on the phone for a long time?"
Serious as a heart attack, she said "You said you would call me"

Anyway, I don't see her dad as TELLING her anything. He SAID he was thinking about it. In her head, Gracie heard it in the third party, as in "He's telling Gracie...."
Actually, he SAID to Gracie, "I'm thinking about it."

I know, I know, long story, but it's all in the perspective, and how anal one wants to be about exact words.

I don't see anywhere where everyone in the family hasn't been a part of everything.
Gracie voices her opinion. She always has. But, sometimes your opinion, although noted, doesn't win the day.

I actually thought about this driving home. I remember knowing someone who kept a relationship with a lady underwraps until the kids were all out of the house.
I found that incredibly sad. Like he supports everyone, works his ass off, but can't even romance someone.
Yes, yes, your children are people too....but all votes aren't equal. Like dads all over have said "the day you pay all the bills and make sure everyone is fed and in good health and educated, is the day you have an equal say."

1 Reply

@chai2,

It's the whole thing, not just that one part.

It doesn't look, from what Gracie has said so far, that he's sat down with her and talked about the whole thing -- why it's necessary, what he's considering, asking her opinion, etc. It looks like he's just kind of informing her of what might happen, and she's waiting for the decision that will be made by him and Katie, without her input.

I don't think this is necessarily a good guy/ bad guy situation -- he's probably overwhelmed, not sure yet, feeling various pressures, and just kinda trying to figure out what to do as he goes along.

Meanwhile Gracie is upset (understandable) and bratty (needs to quit).

Since she's here, it's easier to give her the advice; I also see why she's upset.

If her dad was here, from what we know so far, I'd be giving him some advice too on how to handle it better. But we don't know the whole story and maybe he's handling it more sensitively than he seems to from this account thus far.

I liked Linkat's post a lot, from the perspective of someone with a similarly-aged kid who is going through something similar.

1 Reply

Gracie, let me get all business-y on you and tell you what I think your best approach is.

Figure out your top 3 problems that can have a practical solution. For a bad example, here's something that's not going to work: "I want to go back to the way things were before the pregnancy." This is not going to work because it has no practical solution. Better priorities would be, (1) "I want a say in what's happening with my life; at the very least, I want to be heard." (2) "To this end, I want a sit-down where the entire family discusses openly where we're headed. No more lonesome decisions without any input from us." (3) "I don't want to lose my friends from school. How are we going to make sure I don't?" But those are just my examples. The important question is, what are your priorities?
Turn to your siblings for support. Your father may be riding roughshod over his existing children without even knowing it. The more family members you can rally behind each of your bullet points, the harder it becomes for your father and his girlfriends to ignore your concerns---even by accident.
In return, talk to your siblings about the concerns they have, and that you can get behind at the sit-down. (I'm going with that example because I don't know your priorities yet.)
Be prepared to compromise with your father and Katie. For example, if one of your priorities is "I want us to stay in this house until I finish high school, have an answer if your father asks "How are we going to make sure that Katie and the baby have enough space here?"
Figure out your means of persuasion and influence. If your father isn't ignoring you and your siblings' interests on purpose, it might be as easy as informing him. If he's pushing back against the whole sitdown thing, figure out what your bargining chips are, and what your means of exerting pressure are, alone or with the siblings.
Decide beforehand how far you're prepared to go in pressing your points. As other correspondents correctly said, there comes a point where the cost in lost family peace is no longer worth the benefit of interests pursued. Make sure sure you know this point, and prepare to stop pushing when you reach it.

Summing up, situations like this turn family life into a branch of politics. So think of this episode as an apprenticeship in political behavior. Contrary to public opinion, political behavior needn't be evil, cynical, and unpleasant. It's part of adult life, and learning it is an important part of growing up. Good luck to you and your family!

2 Replies

I'll offer up some advice as well.

At a recent college orientation, one of the speakers said the biggest obstacle to reaching your long term goals is sacrificing them for short term wants. College students often have trouble with this but I'm tossing it to you anyway - what are your long term goals for your family? Ten years from now what do you want your family dynamic to look like? Only you can answer that question but from your posts I'm guessing that you would hope to be out on your own, forging your own way with maybe a niece or nephew from one of your siblings and you would like to see your father not by himself but with someone who loves him and holidays to be a joyful time with all of you happily together and perhaps everyone enthusiastically celebrating weddings and births without all the family drama that plays out on TV shows. Whatever your long term vision, what are you willing to do today to make that vision a reality? Some might feel that is a lot to ask someone your age but I ask it anyway. Please don't sacrifice your long term vision for short term wants.

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Gracie should sit down with her father and Katie and ask them directly what they are planning to do, what sort of options they are considering, and the reasons behind their thinking. And mainly she should listen to what they have to say, and ask questions about anything that's unclear, but refrain from arguing with them, about any of it, at this point--she should just focus on becoming informed so she has a better idea of what's going on and why. If she starts arguing, or balking at any possible plans right off the bat, they might not want to continue sharing their plans, or their thinking, with her right now, before things are more definite.

If a possible move is in the works, and she wants to be included in the planning, she has to have some acceptance and understanding of the fact that the move may be necessary and inevitable and it's going to involve some upheaval and stress for everyone, and not just for her. And they are all going to have to deal with that upheaval and stress together, as a family, in as cooperative and mutually supportive manner as possible.

But that's jumping the gun. Gracie doesn't yet have a clear idea of what's going on, so we have even less of an idea.

I'm not going to second-guess her father or criticize how he's handling things right now--certainly not on the basis of the scant info Gracie has given us.

When she has a better idea of what's happening, we'll be better able to advise her how to cope with it.

1 Reply

@sozobe,

sozobe wrote:

It's the whole thing, not just that one part.

It doesn't look, from what Gracie has said so far, that he's sat down with her and talked about the whole thing -- why it's necessary, what he's considering, asking her opinion, etc. It looks like he's just kind of informing her of what might happen, and she's waiting for the decision that will be made by him and Katie, without her input.

Meanwhile Gracie is upset (understandable) and bratty (needs to quit).

Since she's here, it's easier to give her the advice; I also see why she's upset.

If her dad was here, from what we know so far, I'd be giving him some advice too on how to handle it better. But we don't know the whole story and maybe he's handling it more sensitively than he seems to from this account thus far.

Since we are hearing all this through someone who is upset, and being bratty, my money goes on he's handling it better than it's been portrayed.

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@Thomas,

Father may be riding roughshod..

that may be true but doesn't at all seem so to me so far. I think you are postulating on your own experience or someone close, a worst case thing.

I think you are working this up as fitting your own or associates scenarios.

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@Thomas,

I think you are ignoring the fact that Katie apparently has other children who are also now in the home with Gracie and who will continue to be part of the family constellation. This isn't just about the baby that's on the way.

I can't see the wisdom of advising her to use her siblings to put pressure on her father and Katie--turning this into an adversarial parents vs kids situation will only increase the stress level for all of them. And, for it to turn into his kids vs her kids, will just make it all the worse.

Her priorities shouldn't be just about her. A top priority should be wanting to see her entire family, this new blended family, living and functioning together in as harmonious a manner as possible. Gracie has little problem recognizing her own needs and wants. Seeing herself as part of this new larger family unit, which includes the needs and wants of a lot of other people, both children and adults, may be a little more difficult for her--at least at first. But she can't keep focusing on just her needs, or wants, or priorities, if she wants this new family to achieve any sort of harmony. At some point she has to start thinking in terms of "us" and not just "me", because what's going on right now affects all of them.

1 Reply

I can't even imagine that I, at near fourteen, could have had some stance to change the deal with my parents mutual decision to move to California, where father might have been able to get more jobs. He did, he was a vp at RKO for a short while, and did editing, off and on. He was also part of a snipe hunt of the time.

I'm both sympathetic and not sympathetic, so you will see both in my posts.

1 Reply

@ossobuco,

I'm sympathetic, and empathetic, regarding Gracie's feelings about possibly having to move, leave her friends, go to a new school, the anxiety of having to try making new friends, etc.

My family made two major moves, one when I was 11, and another when I was 13--and both moves were from one state to another, and both were necessitated by my father's obtaining better, higher paying jobs. The second move, when I was almost Gracie's age, was the much more difficult for me. I had finally settled into the first new location and school, I had made many friends, and had one very very close friend, and suddenly I was being uprooted again.
Leaving that close best friend was devastating, I still remember how I cried when we drove away with her standing on the sidewalk waving to us. We did stay in touch, mainly by letters and occasional phone calls, we would sometimes each travel an hour by train so we could meet up at a central location and spend the day together, and sometimes, but not often, she came to my house for a weekend visit. But our friendship survived, and we stayed close for several decades.

Trying to adjust to the second new school was much more difficult because there weren't many kids in my immediate neighborhood who I could hang out with in school and after school. I finally made two friends who lived near me, and they were nice girls, and we spent time together, but I never felt really close to either of them. And neither of them had the same lunch period I did, and often I wound up eating lunch alone in the school cafeteria, which felt like death to me. I could not have been more miserable. I was desperately lonely. My parents felt awful about my situation but didn't know what to do. Finally, after the worst two years of my life socially, they were able to get me transferred to another high school, in a different school district, where I had no problems fitting in, made really close friends again, got involved in lots of activities, and wound up as part of the in-group to boot. Those last two years of high school were really great.

So, in the course of 4 years, between the ages of 11 and 15, I attended three different schools and had to start over in each of them. I learned to adapt and adjust. I learned to be more self reliant and resilient. And, right after I turned 17, I started college, and that was another new world.

I had no say, at all, about the moves my father made because of his job. And I never felt angry at him because we had to move, even though I was unhappy about the moves. I knew his employment was the main consideration for all of us. I did have a say in which house we bought after the second move, although we were all in agreement about which one we liked best. And my father got me the dog I had been longing to have during the years we lived in apartments, so that part of the move did make me happy.

So I really can understand some of Gracie's feelings about possibly having to move and change schools. But her situation is much more complicated than just a move to a new location because of the sudden changes in her family structure. And it's the changes going on within her family that are likely having the more profound effect on her than just a contemplated move to a new neighborhood and school would have. And, because it's that changed family structure that may necessitate the move, resenting the new changes in her family increases the resentment about any possible move for Gracie.

It might be easier if everyone could get used to the new family situation before a move is even contemplated. But that might not be feasible. We don't know enough about the family circumstances and living needs or enough about what Gracie's dad and Katie feel they need for both themselves and their children. Neither we, nor apparently Gracie, know what's going on behind the scenes. Hopefully, she'll learn more about that soon--and regardless of what's in the works, regarding a possible move, just knowing more about it will help to reduce Gracie's uncertainty and confusion about what's going on and what might happen next.

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@CalamityJane,

Hi Momma CJ

CalamityJane wrote:

Oy sweetie, I know that you want things to be as they were - you, your sister, brother and your dad, but it's something of the past now. Life is ever changing and your father really sacrificed his life for almost 14 years to raise you and your siblings. He was a dedicated single father by choice as he knew that the three of you needed him.

Okay. I get that life changes and everything cant go back to how it was and all that stuff but its dads fault that everythings changing. It didnt have to change. Everything was fine how it was. But whatever, I'm over it. What I dont get is why everyone's all like 'he sacrificed soo much for you guys, blah blah blah' like him having us and being our dad is so terrible. I mean, I know being a parent is hard sometimes but it cant be that bad. What's the big sacrifice? He was happy and we were fine before he met Katie.

Quote:

Now that you're teenagers and less needy, he deserves to have a chance to be happy in an adult relationship and everything that comes with it.

You're right. He does.I know that.

Quote:

Remember how you told us that you want to be treated like an adult and
that you are mature enough to handle everything? Well, this is your chance to show your father how mature you really are.

Show your father and Katie how happy you are for him and how accepting you are of Katie and her kids (do you get along with them?). I am sure it breaks your father's heart when he sees you being openly frustrated and not accepting of your new living situation. He has done everything in his power to make you and your siblings happy for all these years, now it's your turn to return the favor.

I've already told him Im happy for him and Katie. I dont mind her kids at all. They're loud and sometimes annoying and Alaina's always in my room messing with my stuff but they're cute and really sweet and funny. They're just little kids, its easy to get along with them.
I'm trying to be accepting of everything and not be bratty all the time but its not like he's making it easy. I was totally fine with him dating Katie. It was weird and I didnt really like that he was dating her and they were getting serious and stuff but I didnt say that to him. I was really cool about it. Then he told me I was gonna be a big sister and that Katie was having a baby. I was totally supportive. Then she moved in, I wasnt happy but I didnt freak out or anything. Even though I have to share my room! Now, not only are there 3 new people living in our house and a baby on the way but now we have to move out of the place we've lived for years, I might have to go to a new school, make new friends and start completely over. I get it that dad wants a new life and a new family and all that but I dont. He's the one who's not being fair, not me.

Quote:

Even if you move to a new and bigger house in a different city think of the positives: your own room, meeting new people and perhaps the new school is so much better than your old one. Many kids switch schools during the years, some move thousands of miles away with their parents and they always make new friends - my daughter included. It took her only 2 days to make new friends when I moved her in 5th and 7th grade to different schools. It's always exciting to meet new people and you still will have your old friends you can visit and/or talk to daily on facebook or via email.

Yeah, that all sounds okay I guess. But visiting my friends and talking on facebook isnt gonna be the same.

Quote:

Basically it's really your own mind set, Gracie - the more you put blinders on the more you'll be disappointed. Remove the blinders and embrace the new things in your life and the new opportunities you're going to have.

Let's face it: your life will change, if you want to or not - so make the best of it and change with it. Chin up and show your father that he can count on you! He so deserves it and wants to get your validation!

It's not just my mind set. Its annoying that my dads changing our whole lives and I just have to suck it up and 'think positive'.

Thomas wrote:

GracieGirl wrote:
You make it sound like it's all on me

You're not responsible for the situation, but you are responsible for what you do about it. How do you want this to move forward, and what can you do to achieve it, at least in part? The answer will likely involve some kind of deal with your father and his girlfriend, in which you get some of what you want in exchange for some of what they want---like being a happy family. Less likely, much less attractively, but still possibly, it may involve specific threats, like for example, "you can move to another city, but if you do I'm moving in with my mom."

I dont know how I want it to move forward. I'd rather it moved backward. Sometimes I wish my dad never met Katie. I know Im being mean but I've never been this mad and annoyed before in my whole life especially not with my dad. I just wish everything didnt have to change. I get that some stuff has to because of Katie and the baby but I dont want to move and go to a new school and all that other stuff.
What kinda deal can I make with them? And threats wont work, especially not that one. I dont have a mom. You know that already.

4 Replies

@GracieGirl,

gracie...

life is all about change.

the better you get at adapting to it, the happier you will be as a person...

hang in there, all the problems of adulthood are looming around the corner.

quit whining, and go have some fun...

Laughing

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@GracieGirl,

You don't want to move. You don't want to share your room. Yep, there's a conflict here.

1 Reply

@roger,

Move to Detroit, Roger, and get a room with a homeless guy of someone else's choosing.

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@GracieGirl,

GracieGirl wrote:

I dont know how I want it to move forward. I'd rather it moved backward.

Yes, you made that clear. Smile

But things can't move backwards, and you've also made clear that you get that. So the next step is that you figure out what you do want going forward, and that you translate this into specific proposals for your father. Your father can't turn back the clock for you, but he can make the transition suck less if you talk to him about how to do that. And once you can translate your wishes into specific, reasonable proposals, I wouldn't be surprised to find him receptive. The way you describe him, he's authoritarian but not evil. He wants to make you happy, or at least happier, so try to give him a feasible way to do that.

GracieGirl wrote:

What kinda deal can I make with them? And threats wont work, especially not that one.

We'll get to that once you've figured out feasible things you want going forward. I believe that's the most important task for you right now.

GracieGirl wrote:

I dont have a mom. You know that already.

I knew your father isn't with your mom, but I didn't know she's completely out of your life. My example sucked. I'm sorry.

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@GracieGirl,

GracieGirl wrote:

What I dont get is why everyone's all like 'he sacrificed soo much for you guys, blah blah blah' like him having us and being our dad is so terrible. I mean, I know being a parent is hard sometimes but it cant be that bad. What's the big sacrifice?

Do yourself a favor. Print that out, put it away for thirty years then read it again. There is no way to explain to a teenager that everything you have and everything you do comes at some expense to your father. Your computer was paid for with your father's labor. Every sports event, party, movie, recital, shopping trip, etc was not for him, it was for you. Sure, he has the pride of watching you grow and succeed but one day you will understand that he passed by many opportunities to do what he wanted so that you could do what you wanted and to maintain a home for you and your siblings.

GracieGirl wrote:

I get it that dad wants a new life and a new family and all that but I dont. He's the one who's not being fair, not me.

What is your definition of "fair"? Does fair mean that sacrifices are shared evenly so that no one person bears the brunt of change? If so, it sounds like your father is trying to be very fair in that everyone is facing change together. While his decisions might sound arbitrary to you he has many years of experience looking out for his family so you should definitely express your opinion but give him credit for both is experience and his good intentions. Does fair mean that you see minimal change and he sucks up all the stress? That doesn't sound all that fair to me.

I have a suggestion for you. Print out this entire thread and give it to your dad and Katie. If you read back, you express all the positives and negatives of how you feel right now. Many of his counter arguments have already been stated and you've responded so you can get down to clearing the air. He can read it quietly, without a lot of emotion getting in the way. You've given it a trial run on us, now you need to take it to the guy who is the only one you really need to talk to.

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@firefly,

firefly wrote:

Your challenge right now is to figure out a better way of handling your feelings rather than acting on them by being bratty, or sullen, or argumentative, or yelling. I know that's easier said than done, particularly at 14--I was once there too. But you're much better off talking things out, simply talking about your anger and confusion, with your dad and Katie, without accusing or blaming them--just express what you are feeling, so they can understand and appreciate what you are going through. Don't try to make them feel guilty, don't try to manipulate them to bend to your wishes, just tell them how you are feeling and what you are concerned about. Just being understood is important, very important, so help them to understand you.

And, the other thing you should do is just take these changes one step at a time, as they happen. Don't worry now about going to a new school, it's not something that's at all definite, so why worry in advance. Just deal with what's going on right now--like a lot of new people living in your house, and suddenly having an adult female in your house--and your dad sharing his time and attention with those people. Everyone in your house is going through a period of adjustment, including Katie and her children. BTW, how many children does she have? Do you get along with them?

A new family unit is forming and emerging for you, and it's going to include Katie, and soon, a new baby brother or sister for you. Things aren't the same as before, but, I hope that, as time goes on, and the unfamiliar becomes more comfortable, and part of the fabric of your life, that you will find your newly expanded family enriching your life and providing you with even more love and support than you had before. Adding good people to your life is a lot better, and easier, than losing them. Things may be awkward, and confusing, and unsettled, now, but, hang in there, you may be pleasantly surprised by how things turn out. Think positive.

Thanks firefly
I get what you're saying. Living with Katie isnt soo bad I guess. Just weird and maybe everything else will turn out okay too. Im totally trying to stay positive. I hope your right.
Katie has 2 kids. She used to be married. Alaina's five and Josh is seven.

chai2 wrote:

Gracie, do you realize how much pressure you are putting on them, how weary and guilty you are making these 2 people feel?

Chai, do you realize how much pressure's on me and how they're making me feel? How come no one in this family cares about what I think? This is my life too you know.

Quote:

This morning I reread the last few pages here and wondered "If Gracie were to take the 2 words "fault" and "fair" out of her posts, she wouldn't have anything else to say about this matter.

The thing is, you are saying the words that you understand this and that as far as your dad and Katie are concerned, but you really, really don't at all.

That's because my dad being unfair and everything being Katies fault is the whole problem. And I do understand.

Quote:

I've noticed many times that you don't talk about how your brother and sister feel (beyond one or two superficial comments). They are going through the same thing you know.

I dont talk about my brother and sister because I figured since you dont know them you dont care. I know it sucks for all of us and we're all going through the same thing but it seems like they're not as upset about it as I am. We all feel really different. Matt's barely home and he acts like he doesnt care about anything. He's dealing with his own stuff and all he really cares about is his friends and his girlfriend. Matt and my dad aren't even getting along so he doesnt care what my dad does either. When Matt gets his car he can come visit his girlfriend whenever he wants so I guess he doesnt mind moving either. My sister really really likes Katie and she's glad they're together and the baby's coming and everything. She's upset about moving and stuff too but she's not as mad at dad and Katie as I am.

Quote:

Maybe Katie doesn't want to be a mother figure to you, and you're just seeing it that way, because it's what you want to see.
Maybe Katie's the one feeling like she has to walk around on egg shells so she doesn't upset you, because that means she has to listen again to how you don't want this that and the other.

I didnt say she wanted to be a mother figure to me. I just said that I dont want her to. She's not my mother she's my dad's girlfriend and my little sister/brother's mom. She's nothing to me.

Maybe she does and who cares? Katie's the one making everything suck for everyone else. I havent done anything to her. It's not like I moved into her house and screwed up her life.

Quote:

You just came back from a month at your grandparents. Has it occured to you that maybe your dad and Katie enjoyed the break from you? While you were busy being bored and being annoyed with your grandparents, they were probably able to get lof of stuff done, and were able to relax a little.

Nope, it hasnt. Cause I dont care.

Thomas wrote:

GracieGirl wrote:
What do I do sozobe? I know that being bratty doesnt help but I cant pretend to be happy about it. I mean, I could 'honestly and respectfully express my opinions' instead of yelling like I always do but thats still not gonna change anything so whats the point?

I think you're wrong here. You do have a chance to change something. Your father and his girlfriend have literally fucked up. And they know it, whether they admit it in front of you or not. That gives you the high ground in any discussions of your family's future, and that's a valuable bargaining chip. So whatever you do, don't yield the high ground back to your father by throwing fits!

Yeah, I guess so. Doesnt feel like I have the 'high ground' though.

Gracie Girl wrote:

No ones happy about moving except for Dad.

Quote:

So, have you talked among you three siblings about possible joint demands, and about presenting a united front to your father? If the three of you cooperate, your father is in a much weaker position to dictate things and play you siblings against each other. So if it's an option at all, get together with your siblings. Then demand, all the three of you, that there be a sitdown among all stakeholders to have a heart-to-heart. The first thing you want to stop is things like your father shipping you off to a foreign country and make dictatorial decisions about your life while you're abroad.

By all means, keep your tone civil; nobody will take you seriously if you don't. But in the end, this is your life. It's okay to stand up for it, and for yourself.

Thanks Thomas! Smile

I dont know if the united front thing is gonna work. I'll talk to my sister about it.

2 Replies

Guess what guys! Im gonna be a big sister! :)

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