Guess what guys! Im gonna be a big sister! :)

GracieGirl wrote:

Oh please! No its not!
I dont live in a home with both parents and I'm okay. As long as my baby sister (or brother) knows that her mom and my dad love her (or him) she'll be just fine.
You know that.

Sorry, I don't agree.

If the 2 parents don't get along, or one treats the child badly, that's different.

But, if the parents are good to each other, and the child(ren), it's best they all live as a unit.

Even in the interests of logistics, can you imagine how hard it would be to have a child, yet raise it from a day to day standpoint as a single parent?

paying for 2 housing costs, not having someone immediately available to help out, etc. etc.

Not saying married, but it's better all around, in general, for the child and the parents to be together.

And it could be just like it is now.

Stuff always changes. That's just the way it is. What about when you decide stuff should change, like you meet someone you love? Should your dad expect you to just stay at home with him, and not join together with someone else?
Gracie, I hate to use your own oft said words against you, but...That's Really Not Fair.

Maybe it's not so much she's changing him, but he's getting to finally express a big part of who he is, which he couldn't when when it was "just the 4 of you" He's not just a father, but a man also.

But Katie wont be a single parent really if she doesnt move in. She can come over all the time but just sleep at her own house. My dads still gonna help with the baby even if they dont live together. And it could be just like it is now. My dad and all of us can still help out and stuff.

She can come over all the time but just sleep at her own house.

We were just fine before she came along and now everythings complicated.

Quote:

Stuff always changes. That's just the way it is. What about when you decide stuff should change, like you meet someone you love? Should your dad expect you to just stay at home with him, and not join together with someone else?
Gracie, I hate to use your own oft said words against you, but...That's Really Not Fair.

Me moving out and meeting someone else and stuff is totally different chai. I just kinda liked everything how it was before Katie and my dad got serious and I dont want her to mess stuff up. We were just fine before she came along and now everythings complicated. I guess that sounds kinda mean but I dont mean it that way. Everythings just weird. I dont think you get it.

Quote:

Maybe it's not so much she's changing him, but he's getting to finally express a big part of who he is, which he couldn't when when it was "just the 4 of you" He's not just a father, but a man also.

Maybe.

GracieGirl wrote:

But Katie wont be a single parent really if she doesnt move in. She can come over all the time but just sleep at her own house. My dads still gonna help with the baby even if they dont live together. And it could be just like it is now. My dad and all of us can still help out and stuff.

Gracie darling...

I realise this must be quite tough for you, the thought of having to share your life with a baby, and it will - the baby will place demands on your family as it is now - but ...

believing that "everything could be just like it is now" is very naive.

Life will change and everyone will have to adjust to this little life coming into the world. Katie and your Dad, if they wish and choose to, could be together, and they need to make this decision. In my opinion, when two people love one another and make a decision to have a baby together, then it is far better for the baby to have 2 parents in the same house and sharing the responsibility for raising the child. Katie should not have to raise the baby on her own if your Dad and her wish to be together.

It is very hard being a single parent, especially with a newborn baby. There are sleepless nights, endless feeds and massive responsibility.

If your Dad & Katie choose not to be together, then that has to be their choice.

You are but a child yourself Gracie. Your Dad would probably no more want to leave you for the night than he would baby-to-be.

I know this will sound harsh or even mean, and I don't wish it to. Even for adults, a baby coming along requires a huge adjustment and this is still all so new for you.

I don't know if the pregnancy was planned ... but it really makes little difference now - your Dad and Katie need to make the decision that is best for them.

Whichever way, this little baby is going to take some of your Dad's time and energy. Life will not be the same and your insecurities here are perfectly understandable.

Izzie Wrote:

Quote:

GracieGirl (Me): She can come over all the time but just sleep at her own house.

When you say that, do you realise what that means.

Purely on a financial outlook and the practicalities:

Cot (plus mattress, sheets and blankets)
Car seat
Pram/buggy/travel system*
Six sleepsuits/ long sleeved suits
Six vests/ short sleeved suits
Two cardigans/ jackets
Shawl or snow suit
Hat, mittens and bootees
Changing mat
Nappies
Bottles/teats/bottle brush (only needed if not breastfeeding)
Loads of bibs
Plenty of towels/ flannels/ muslin squares (for bathing and dribbles!)
Moses basket/ crib (plus mattress, sheets and blankets)
Baby bath
Baby box or bag
Sling
Bouncy chair
Baby monitor
Changing bag
Steam steriliser
Baby lotion
Baby wipes
Bath thermometer

Now double it.

Purely on an emotional basis: this is a baby coming into the world... this baby isn't part-time - it's real and full-time.


As I say, if your Dad and Katie choose for Katie and baby not to move in - that's a choice they make.

For two people who love each other and have made this baby, I cannot imagine that they would not wish to be together to raise the baby together. Of course, I would have no idea whether that would be the case... I just know if it were me and I were to be having a baby with the man I love, I would wish to be with him and raising the baby together.

Please, think about it and allow yourself time to adjust. Please try and be happy/supportive for your Dad that he has found someone and trusts them enough to have a baby with and to be part of your lives.

You won't lose your Dad. You'll gain Katie and a baby in your life.

Quote:

GG:We were just fine before she came along and now everythings complicated.

No no Gracie, your lives may have been fine and un-complicated, but your Dad is not just a Dad, he is a man and he chose to allow someone in his life and fell in love. He has that right to be with someone and to be in love and all those things... and yes, that complicates it for you and your siblings and for everyone concerned... but it will only be as complicated as you make it now.

It doesn't have "to suck" - it could, and hopefully will, be the most amazing and wonderful thing that happens for your Dad and your family.


((((Gracie))))x

GracieGirl wrote:

Quote:

Stuff always changes. That's just the way it is. What about when you decide stuff should change, like you meet someone you love? Should your dad expect you to just stay at home with him, and not join together with someone else?
Gracie, I hate to use your own oft said words against you, but...That's Really Not Fair.

Me moving out and meeting someone else and stuff is totally different chai. I just kinda liked everything how it was before Katie and my dad got serious and I dont want her to mess stuff up. We were just fine before she came along and now everythings complicated. I guess that sounds kinda mean but I dont mean it that way. Everythings just weird. I dont think you get it.

Quote:

Maybe it's not so much she's changing him, but he's getting to finally express a big part of who he is, which he couldn't when when it was "just the 4 of you" He's not just a father, but a man also.

Maybe.

Life is complicated sweetie (and I mean sweetie in a good way) It's not totally different, you want it to be.
Let's say you go to move out and dad says "but that will mess things up. everything was fine until you decided you wanted to grow up/get a boyfriend, everything was fine, and you're making it complicated"

No it doesn't sound mean, you're just expressing what you want.

PS. there's no maybe about him being able to express things from a different part of himself with Katie, than with his kids.
His coversations with her are different..
He also, as gross as it sounds to you, does things like trying to make babies with her.
He loves his kids the same way. He gets to have a completely different kind of love with Katie. A love he has been very much missing.
He wants her near to share that love. Near meaning in the same house.
I think it would be very very mean and very very unfair to deny the man who has given up so much for you that bit of happiness.

Maybe saying that feels like a slap in the face Gracie, but you seriously have to wake up to the fact that you can either accept this really nice person into your home, having it become her home too, or make it difficult on yourself, Katie and ESPECIALLY your dad by trying to keep him and the woman he loves apart, when they want to be together.

Honey, really, don't come between them, let you dad have this without making it hard on him.