so lost

now i feel bad damn it. Every emotion has an exact opposite. I was Happy earlier today, then i got sad. Then it went from mad to sad. I can't win it always changes.

Mad to sad is very common in depression. Depression is anger turned inwards, and in my experience when you run out the emotional energy to externalise it, there's only one direction left for it to go.

Or as I once heard it put. Depression is just anger without enthusiasm.

Mad to sad is also common in non depression.

Life is a whirlwind for many of us.

i would cry if there were not people around

*LOL*

I gather you are at a place, library, computer lab, and not within the confines of your own room.



Wouldn't it be nice to NOT beat up on yourself? Maybe some form of relaxation/meditation would be a start. When you are in your room, get comfortable (sitting, laying down, whichever works for you) and just focus on relaxing your body. Focus on relaxing your shoulders, your facial muscles. Your main purpose being to focus on getting your body to be as relaxed as possible. And once you feel that is accomplished, "listen" to your body. Compare the tense feeling before to the relaxed feeling now. Keep your thoughts on how good it feels to be relaxed. I'm not expert in relaxation or meditation, but I do know if you try your best, it will help to take your mind off of your negativity. I imagine it won't be something that easy to start off with, but all of the negative things you say about yourself is not helping you. You can see that, right?

You said you were happier earlier today. Was that in response to something? Or were you just in a happy mood?

Why don't you tell us something about yourself. Something that is positive. Either something you like about yourself or something you like doing.

I'm in my room but i have a roommate, usually i tell her whats going on, but this is happing for so long again, i feel she will judge me and not want to be around me any more. Again i'm putting on my happy face and pretending nothings wrong

i was happy caused i don't remember...if it was a real happy or a happy because i was around other people and i didn't want to seem sad. In itself thats sad. Of course i have my random moments of being happy like when someone says something funny. But if i'm actually truly happy i don't know any more. I'm so confused on whats real any more.

It's just that you mentioned people, so I got the impression there were several around you.

If it's just the two of you, ask her if she "can talk". Tell her that you have been unhappy for a long time now and you don't know what to do about it.

The one thing you do, and I know this all to well because I used to do it so much myself, is impose your thoughts onto others in terms of their thoughts and reactions. For example, you are saying you feel she will judge you. But you can't know that. You can't know how she will react. You are assuming that she will behave this way. Maybe she has disappointed you in the past some way, I don't know. But for some reason you are expecting the worst reaction from her and isn't that unfair to her? Unless she's some self-obsessed superficial person, I can't imagine her putting you off. I think if you are genuine with her, she will not judge you.

And most of us would say why are you caring what she thinks over what you think?

Caprice's views on body relaxation may be useful right away. Generally, hey, enjoy yourself more.

Maybe some folks taught you not to do that, pay attention to yourself. It is true, one can go too far in that. However it happened, really, please, start to be interested in yourself. Well, you are - just by posting here.

We are all different sorts of people here, of many different backgrounds and ages. We all want you not to feel lost but to happily figure out that you like yourself.

It sounds like you are analyzing things too much. Relax. Don't be so hard on yourself. I would suggest you tell yourself one thing "I will not call myself an idiot anymore." Because you aren't an idiot.

As many of us have said here, we all do stupid things, or behave regrettably, but you learn from it. Idiots are the ones who always makes mistakes and don't think anything's wrong. I always try to take the positive out of any experience. It doesn't always work that way, but I try. And the times it does work, it helps.

Well at the time i had mentioned people there were a lot of people in the room. But now she's gone to bed. Again she is going through enough of her own stuff and i don't want to burdern her with my problems. You guys are probably getting aggrivated that i keep giving u negative responses to everything you suggest, but i am actually taking what you guys are saying to heart. Someone earlier said it was hard to help cause they didn't know me. So what i'm doing is hopefulling explaining how i feel and whats going on with me. This is what i do, i always find a negative solution for anything i find positive.

We're not getting agravated. I'm sensing you're concerning yourself too much with what others are feeling, and not enough about how you're feeling yourself.

EVERYONE has their own problems. Every single one of us. That doesn't mean we won't take time out to help. I am certain your room-mate is same way.

As I suggested before, you should stop imposing your mindset onto other people. Don't assume they will react one way or another. You can never fully know how someone will respond in a given situation. Take my Mom for instance. You would think I could predict how someone I've known all my life would react. But no, she surprises me at times.

You want to talk about this, you want to change your life, you want someone to help you. Your posts tell us this. The hardest part is that you will have to be the one to start the process of getting help, of turning your life into a happy life that you enjoy.



Knowing this, you can now stop yourself when you become negative and think to yourself "no I won't be negative". I know reaching out is tough. As you said, you don't want to be hurt, but TRUST me when I say it's worse to continue as you are than to try to reach out to someone and ask for help.

The school counsellor is the best bet.

Can you tell us all here you will try? If I was a betting person, I'd bet that you will feel empowered after making your appointment. Because you're scared to do it, once you actually do it, that will be one fear you have overcome. Does that make sense?

Exactly! I totally agree with Wilso.

yeah...so i was retarded and poked my eye and now it really hurts...so i've gone to bed...and plus i don't want to deal with today any more. One can only wish that tomorrow will be better. talk to u guys tomorrow if i ever have a free moment.

Feel better sand and sleep well.

Exactly. Wilso is right on the money. We are not aggrivated or offended in the least. Heck, you should see some of the stuff Wilso has said ;-)

Wilso
Nudge, nudge, smooch :-D