Once a Cheater I guess is always a Cheater in my case

Calculated, just like before you went bankrupt:)

I don't believe that honesty is necessarily the best policy in 100% of situations. Every relationship is unique. My husband and I spend long periods apart from each other and it is an unspoken rule that we don't ask each other awkward questions - I think that has been a strength in our relationship and has seen us through some rough spots. I don't believe that he is cheating at the moment and I know I'm not. I'm not interested in what he might have done in the past and I'd be horrified if he ever felt the need to tell me.

Another story: Once upon a time in a small country town my grandfather was screwing the woman who would become his second wife . Meanwhile his first wife, my grandmother was dying of cancer. She was the only one in the town including my mother (still at school then) who didn't know what was going on. The minister of her church felt that she had a right to know and so took it upon himself to tell her - so she spent her final months in emotional as well as physical pain. Not everything needs to be said just because it is the truth.

I never went bankrupt. Think you have me confused with someone else.

Good post, Mona Leeza.

I still am taking all this with a grain of salt. Has merits for a potential screenplay but the writer can't figure out the denouement. Where is Luis Bunuel when we need him? Well, Bunuel's not just right for it, some writer director I'm not thinking of yet.

Tarantino...

I agree. However, everyone telling him to 'just hide it' will only perpetuate his already skewed idea that so long as he can keep everything hidden he can get away with it.

And as I said, I'm speaking from my own personal experience. I'm not so full of myself as to believe that my experience can apply to everyone, but I'd be remiss to point it out to a man who is going through something very similar to what I did.

Everyone has one or two or twelve sob stories they can pull out to justify keeping it a secret. None of which appear to directly relate to the situation that the original poster has provided other than they're tear jerker scenarios meant to get a point across.

I get that, and again I accept that my view will not be the popular view nor will it be applicable to all cases. It might be completely wrong for him as thus far he's shown no signs of having any kind of moral compass at all, and the main drive for me confessing to my wife was the fact that the guilt I was feeling was tainting my interactions with her. To clear that air I felt it was best for me to confess and rebuild.

If he finds himself in a similar situation, he can choose to accept my advice. If not, he can choose to hide it and hope she never finds out down the road.

The one thing that no one has commented on yet is how much more damaging the situation will be when/if his wife discovers what's happened AFTER he's left his girlfriend, spent years getting to love his wife fully, developed a long lasting relationship with her, spent all the time and hours into it.

So you go down the long, windy road of working on, improving, flourishing your marriage and then that ticking time bomb drops and it's all for naught.

Anyway. I'll stop beating a dead horse now.

Uwe Boll

Ok, then.

I haven't seen films by Tarantino, shocking, I know, or by Uwe Boll, though I've heard of him, and have seen just one by Bunuel, The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie, which I remember making me nod off in my comfy theater seat, oh when will it be over. I put his name up as a starter as who would be right for this kind of exposition. If nothing else, this will get me scampering to read about Tarantino, Boll, and others.

I get your point, and what you did, did fit your situation.

And the minister in Mona Leeza's description was a blue meanie.

With our poster, I've no faith at all that our Fender will desist from fooling with others, he just wants out of the quagmire for now. This is a very american scenario, re antipathy for mistresses/other lovers in marriage (I share that but can understand others differ), but also atypical (I hope) in that Fender seems very cold to both women.

Your probably right about me not being faithful from here on out. But no, I am never cold to the women I love.

That all depends on what and how you define as being cold. Continuing to exhibit a behavior that causes your wife and/or your gf to have a loss of self-esteem could be viewed by others as being cold.

How 'd u feel if thay reflected your own conduct, in the future ?

haha, sorry about that chief, twas answering after reading your post, off course, it was directed at the OP

I understand it's a matter of preference and that, possibly Fender's wife as it appears she is aware of at least 1 affair, based on what he has stated (if that is the case), would accept another and remain married...

I think being the fact that you two were/are apart alot, the question is there and possibly from what you learnt of your Grandmother to which I am truly sorry that she went through that, I don't believe in that case, it was necessary to tell her, that to me is really not Godly of him. That would have broken my heart into 2.. Perhaps you choose "better to not know" even if it has never, ever occured, due to that horrible situation.

I also think it is very un-fair if a man makes (one) mistake and often that mistake is caused by a complete break-down in communication, union of what is meant to be (two) but has become one... Something missing that hasn't seem to be resolved for some time, that the woman then forgives but doesn't forget... She has to see why he strayed as often is the case, it's not deliberate there are factors to consider and some blame to be had, in alot of those cases...

But with Fender, it's just like the Guitar play another one....... There is no guilt, no care, rather self ...

No, my mother only told me my grandmother's story a year or two ago so it hasn't had any effect on my own attitude to marriage.
It's not only a case of me not asking my husband any questions - he doesn't ask me any either...

Then you don't find that an important issue as i assume you two have a good bond, strong bond and know how you both feel about each other...

There is nothing wrong with that.

My first boyfriend and I had that relationship, though I knew he cheated, I saw it then as so what, he's playing the field, we are young and I know our connection, mind you if I tried it, it would have been totally different.

I have an open mind.. Today, is a different story, I wouldn't hold it against him, nor feel less loved, (current partner) but I wouldn't be so "open" about it as I was back then.

Hi! My husband cheated on me many times... One of them was real relationship, some was just one night stand, some was i really don't know or remember anymore.. Other says im so stupid, we don't have divorce in our country. Annullment will cost you a lot... only celebrities and rich people in our country can afford annulment Thank God we have a wonderful daughter, and she is the main reason why i can't move out from my husband. Financially, i can't take care of her... Not having a college degree in our country, its really hard to find a job... I still love my husband, and i always will... Its been 3months since he stopped chatting while naked with different girls asking them to meet him when we go back in our country since we are living in other country (i dont know if you call that cheating since i don't have evidence if he really met any of those girls because we are always together when we are in our country) 2hrs ago before i post here i found out that he is asking one of my friend to have a date with him when we go back in our country. Im more than sad now because its my friend, not that close but still, she is a family friend.. If you will ask me, im still not going to leave my husband... Why? for me, marriage is a commitment, its just not about love.. I will not let my asshole disgusting husband and some whores ruin my marriage.. I will fight for my marriage and for my daughter...
I just want to share it with you because i think your GF is manipulating you (it doesn't bother her if you don't call in a month? Man, it means your not the only BF she have, believe me...) Marriage is not just about sex, excitement and love.. It's about commitment to your wife/husband, forever... You wife will understand and love you forever, Do you think this Gf of yours will be like her? (I dont think so, my husband is been there and they don't last, trust me!) If she really love you, she will have respect with your wife and let you go, because that's the right thing to do... If shes a good person she really love you so much, she will not let a marriage ruin and a family torn apart... That's the definition of love for me... I hope it help, and i hope you understand my english (im still learning)... Leave your wife, and you'll be happy for a while with your GF.... Leave your GF, and you'll be happy forever with your family..worry and guilt free!

Buono Nicky di Punto. Lei ha fatto più senso di nessuno fino ad ora. Indovino, "Ciarlando mentre nudo" i mezzi che usa un webcam ed uni discorsi alle altre donne. Non sono nella pornografia. Non sono mai stato. So che molti individui sono. Troppo cattivo lei vive in un paese dove le donne sono trattate questa maniera. Amerei dire che è peggiore di me, ma sono proprio come colpevole. È reale facile divorziare nell'America e nel movimento su. Ma faccio irruzione in via con l'amica. Lei hanno ragione e le sue ultime marche di dichiarazione sono molto buono. Lei è italiano? O lo spagnolo? Posso leggere quasi il suo accento, ma i suoi inglesi sono molto buoni e facile capire. Il mio italiano non è molto buono.
Good Point Nicky. You made more sense than anyone so far. I guess, "Chatting while naked" means that he uses a webcam and talks to other women. I am not into porn. I never have been. I know a lot of guys are. Too bad you live in a country where women are treated this way. I'd like to say that he is worse than me, but I am just as guilty. It's real easy to get a divorce in America and move on. But I am breaking in off with the girlfriend. You are right and your last statement makes is very good.
Are you Italian? Or Spanish? I can almost read your accent, but your English is very good and easy to understand.

Well, now that's a revoltin' development!

double pissants