Once a Cheater I guess is always a Cheater in my case

Now, I have seen a shrink over all of this for over a year. Spent a lot of money for nothing. Once I told him that I was going to keep seeing both of them, he pretty much dropped me as a patient. He says that it isn't healthy.

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@FenderJackson,

OK, so you've made your decision. Go live it. There's nothing left to talk about.

'Bye.

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@FenderJackson,

FenderJackson wrote:

I guess I have created two worlds. I am living two separate lives.

errr no. You're living one life. It's all you've got.

Not sure why you're even pretending they are separate. Seems kind of silly.

I'm quite sure both women know what the deal is. Half of you is all either of them is interested in. One doesn't want a lifetime commitment (makes sense given she knows who you are), the other doesn't need all of you.

The part I don't understand is why you're not just upfront with everyone. It's easier if everyone doesn't have to pretend they don't know what's going on. It doesn't do anyone any good.

I suspect the most difficult situation will be with your children (esp. your son), not with the two women involved.

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@FenderJackson,

FenderJackson wrote:

Some people think I am bragging, but I am not.

good thing.

no one seems to be envious.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

FenderJackson wrote:

Some people think I am bragging, but I am not.

good thing.

no one seems to be envious.

Its kinda strange, based on my observation.
(Not counting the gold diggers) its either feast or famine.
Either u have too many ladies at the same time, or none of them.

David

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@FenderJackson,

FenderJackson wrote:

Now, I have seen a shrink over all of this for over a year. Spent a lot of money for nothing.
Once I told him that I was going to keep seeing both of them,
he pretty much dropped me as a patient.

U need better skill in choosing doctors.

FenderJackson wrote:

He says that it isn't healthy.

When my doctors have advised me
that something is not healthy, I 've asked them what, in particular,
of a deleterious nature can come from it (whatever thay say is "not healthy").

Thay have told me, in detail, what the specific adverse effect is.

What is the specific risk to your health in this case ?

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I'm sure my shrink meant "mental health" and added stress physically. But the stress has left me. He is under the opinion that you can't see two women at once and I needed to choose for my mental health. When I chose both, he thought I had lost my mind and said I couldn't do that and pointed out all the pitfalls again. I told him that there are no pitfalls and if it comes to a head, that is when I will deal with it and only then. I was with my GF until about 11:00 last night and she is now saying that one day I will marry her after I get a divorce and that she totally loved me with all her heart. I just agreed with her and said it back. When I came home to my wife, she hugged and kissed me as soon as I walked in. She told me how much she loves me and missed me today. Hmmmmmmmm. How could this be at all bad???

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@FenderJackson,

So you are a player and that is something you are proud of being.

Oh well some people are born without morals assuming you are not just trolling away.

1 Reply

@BillRM,

BillRM wrote:

So you are a player . . .

Define that please ?

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@FenderJackson,

FenderJackson wrote:

I'm sure my shrink meant "mental health" and added stress physically. But the stress has left me. He is under the opinion that you can't see two women at once and I needed to choose for my mental health. When I chose both, he thought I had lost my mind and said I couldn't do that and pointed out all the pitfalls again. I told him that there are no pitfalls and if it comes to a head, that is when I will deal with it and only then. I was with my GF until about 11:00 last night and she is now saying that one day I will marry her after I get a divorce and that she totally loved me with all her heart. I just agreed with her and said it back. When I came home to my wife, she hugged and kissed me as soon as I walked in. She told me how much she loves me and missed me today. Hmmmmmmmm. How could this be at all bad???

Here, let me outline a few reasons:

1. Because you're married and claim to feel the same way about your wife?
2. Because you're an inconsiderate asshole who is leading on two women for his own sexual pleasure?
3. Because you have no concept of honor or responsibility?
4. Because the woman you professed to love forever is head over heels for you still and you're out with a skank girlfriend who is knowingly sleeping with a married man?

I could keep going but the next 8 points mostly involve me calling you a bunch of dirty names. Seriously, you're scum.

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And whoever is voting me down, come on now. This guy isn't here looking for advice. He's here to either Troll, or brag. Which pushes him past scum into something even worse. Trollscum. Bragstard. I dunno, the name is a work in progress, suggestions welcome.

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Troll or brag.........no. I'm without a shrink and I can't tell anyone else. All your opinions are all considered. You can call me pondscum all you want. I know I am a piece of garbage for doing what I am doing. Am I an honerable person,.....no. Do I want praise for this?......no. I appreciate everyone's honesty and I need that. I appreciate everyone on here for being honest and voicing how you feel about what I am doing. This is cheaper than $175 an hour. I have my eyes wide opened and I am waiting for more wise advice. Calling me names doesn't bother me. So, if you must, go ahead, but include some wisdom. I know what I should do. I have tried doing the right thing, but I really think these women are like crack to me and I'm a "crack addict" I don't even do drugs or drink at all. I'm not a hypocrite, so I don't follow the bible's rules or even attend a church, but I know right from wrong.

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@FenderJackson,

If you know right from wrong, why are you asking us to tell you if this is right or wrong?

1 Reply

@Questioner,

advice doesn't have to be right or wrong. If I bragged about this to my guy friends, they would high-five me. If I tell a woman, she would want to shoot me between the eyes. Some guys would think I am pondscum also though. I found this board by accident, looking for situations similiar to mine. I decided to post to get a few opinions and to kind of "get it off my chest" and yes I am looking for answers or I wouldn't be here. I'm thinking eventually someone will read my post that has been through the same thing I am going through and give some actual advice. Telling me to drop one and stay with the other isn't the answer. Tried it both ways and I am still with both now. I have lost my conscience I guess or have just given up trying to fight this.

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@FenderJackson,

FenderJackson wrote:

advice doesn't have to be right or wrong. If I bragged about this to my guy friends, they would high-five me. If I tell a woman, she would want to shoot me between the eyes. Some guys would think I am pondscum also though. I found this board by accident, looking for situations similiar to mine. I decided to post to get a few opinions and to kind of "get it off my chest" and yes I am looking for answers or I wouldn't be here. I'm thinking eventually someone will read my post that has been through the same thing I am going through and give some actual advice. Telling me to drop one and stay with the other isn't the answer. Tried it both ways and I am still with both now. I have lost my conscience I guess or have just given up trying to fight this.

If dropping one and staying with the other isn't the answer, then dropping both has to be. If you perceive this as a 'problem' and don't care for either of the two ways to fix it then it's not really a problem for you, it's something that you absolutely enjoy and are therefore either bragging about it, or just looking for someone to justify what you're doing for you.

You didn't 'try it both ways', you gave a half-assed attempt which inevitably failed. If you truly want to fix the situation you need to employ some willpower. If you don't, then shove off and have fun until the women get tired of you or you get Bobbited.

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@FenderJackson,

Assuming you are right and neither of these women has intimations of your having present relations with the other, and assuming that both would be very upset to find out that is going on, and assuming you think they would be so upset that you would lose both of them as sexual partners, then...
you are basically wasting their time, when each one could be in a relationship with some other man who would be with her and only her.
This is basically not fair.

I think they both may know, but it is possible they don't.

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@FenderJackson,

I think you're basically looking for validation that it's okay to be with both women. It probably is okay from your perspective as you don't love your wife nor your girlfriend - you seek satisfaction for yourself and only for yourself.

If you truly loved your wife, she would completely satisfy every aspect of your life, plus you wouldn't dream of hurting her in such a manner - showing her that in fact she's not enough for you. If you truly loved your girlfriend, you'd came clean with your wife and rebuild a new life with her. Since you're content with screwing both (in more than one way), you love neither.

The only problem I see in this equation is that both women deserve better than you. I feel sorry for them.

1 Reply

@FenderJackson,

FenderJackson wrote:

If I tell a woman, she would want to shoot me between the eyes.

I think you might be exaggerating just a tiny bit.

and bragging? I don't think too many people, male or female, are going to think you're in an enviable position.

~~~

Be upfront with both of them. It'll be easier if they don't have to pretend they don't know you're still with both of them. Pretending is just exhausting and there's no need for it.

You're really stupid if you think either of them don't know. They're both getting what they want from you. Neither of them needs all of you.

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@CalamityJane,

CalamityJane wrote:

I think you're basically looking for validation that it's okay to be with both women. It probably is okay from your perspective as you don't love your wife nor your girlfriend - you seek satisfaction for yourself and only for yourself.

If you truly loved your wife, she would completely satisfy every aspect of your life, plus you wouldn't dream of hurting her in such a manner - showing her that in fact she's not enough for you. If you truly loved your girlfriend, you'd came clean with your wife and rebuild a new life with her. Since you're content with screwing both (in more than one way), you love neither.

The only problem I see in this equation is that both women deserve better than you. I feel sorry for them.

This is a much more eloquent and polite version of what I'm saying.

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Food for thought. True, it isn't fair to the women at all. I probably need to make a decision on one or none. If I'm 100 percent truthful with both, it will probably end up with me being without either. Which I am fine with actually. I guess I am growing a little tired of this if I'm completely honest with myself. I work too much to really have to deal with two or even one. I'm going to let this advice jell in my brain for a while. I guess the saying, "The truth will set you free" is actually accurate. But at the same time, I think they would both still be after me when a little time passed by. Again, this is not me bragging, it's just how I think it would turn out.

1 Reply

Once a Cheater I guess is always a Cheater in my case

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