Once a Cheater I guess is always a Cheater in my case

... and you're right on her heals ... chasing her down!

it's rather like a dog chasing a car, rags.

it won't be pretty if he catches her...

I know, I know, Ragman - I can't help it. Chai's 'heals' make me sooooo hot.

Do you have any love for either of these women (or your family) if you refer to the process of deciding on which partner is right by talking about 'getting rid of one or both'. You deserve neither one. Why not free them both up so a real loving person might find a partner.

Well, Ragman, the trouble with that reasoning
(assuming the accuracy of the factual representations) is that
one of the victims 'd be subjected to unnecessary emotional pain.
That is worthy of being avoided.





David

I am sorry, I've having a hard time with this, especially adding " which is it" by Chai..

Anyways to answer "thoughts" ....

No. one mistake.. " I married my wife because she was pretty"

No. two mistake ... "I married her because she had a high libido" (still does)

Quit blaming her? The Girlfriend, it's her fault, ..or YOU?

You took your wife for self gain. - looks and libido
You've taken this girl "friend" for self gain. - extra sex so she feels it and threatens.

"I'm a good lier" - Yes you are, on a shoe string, you are stringing both along.

You were right in your assessment... Leave BOTH... Neither deserve you as you have lied, (by your own admission) to your girlfriend and she believes that love her, prob, you give her "hope" yet a "reason" financially why you can not, leave your wife. The norm.

"Once a cheater, always a cheater" your heading, you guess. Is that what you think about yourself?

Are you honestly ready to settle for one person for the rest of your life, or have you always enjoyed, sexuality but can't with one person? Did this happen before, do you need to perhaps answer your own question? If so, no one can answer really here, other what you based the topic on and then feel it, but in my opinion, are scared of the loss of $ and that is why you made the comment you "could" get rid of both of them, so you thought about that, or else it wouldn't be on this thread....So money is the reason why you won't leave your wife?

See a pattern in words at least, one of alot of "me, me, me" ...You don't love your wife, she's tried to keep up though...You should ditch both, even though hearts are broken and go and see someone, about you... and your behavior

They , neither, really deserve to try to hang on an fight , for someone who doesn't care about either, rather, OMG in a pickle I didn't create it, she did (re-read he wrote that, she instigated it) ..

Takes two.
You say you are an amazing lier

And Women feel with emotions and in your case, (men do too ) but you are certainly not thinking with your, er, head.........

Denial.... The thing I would do is, I would tell my wife, as I don't honestly want to lose her? And, I would cut off the girlfriend and "never be a cheater again" 23 years says there is alot there you both like...Suck it up... Face it... She deserves it..and seek help professionally.

FS:
Do u think that it is possible
that wife and GF both love him ?





David

Well - you are 45 and will be able to keep this up for a little while longer. - maybe.

A 45 year old person who works 7 days a week, 12 hours a day and attempts to fill the needs of two demanding women will burn out eventually. I bet your money has something to do with why both of these gals cling to you.

Geez, you are really a setup for a heart attack, too.

So think about the future. Which one do you want to grow old with?
A person with such an elevated opinion of himself is going to need someone take care of them someday.

Your actions today limit your options for the future.
Those signs that say, THE END IS NEAR are meant for people like you.

Of course, you're assuming that any of these circumstances is true and not just empty bragging and/or wishful thinking.

Real love - as opposed to sexual infatuation - is a product of both people caring over time. It grows and deepens, or, sometimes, fails. It is a development that seems not to have happened with your two relationships, you being the one that is clearly without loving either other person, not caring past your own nose, using both people. Whether they love you or not, I've no idea.

Having an open marriage along with an open relationship is one thing - I and a lot of people don't understand it, but I can imagine that people could love each other in that circumstance - but your situation is the opposite, sneak around x 2.

It's time for doing some maturing.

There is nothing wrong with loving both of them. You are making them happy. I'm assuming they both love you too. The girlfriend does or she would never put up with this. She cares about you enough to not ruin your marriage and life by saying anything . With a wife it's hard to tell. Time passes, people change. You might think she loves you, and she might think so too, but maybe she is just comfortable. If you do choose the GF it's up to your wife to show you she cares enough to accept that. Also, food for thought, your GF probably knows you are having sex with your wife and forgives you for it because she knows you like sex, and at least she knows who you are doing it with.

I guess I have created two worlds. I am living two separate lives. I'm with my wife right now as I write this. We had coffee and some good conversation. Last night I was with my Girlfriend. We had dinner, wine and a few laughs and amazing sex. The wife and I will probably have sex tonight and it will be amazing as always. I know as I write this that there will come a day when these two worlds collide and I probably lose both of them. I will definately deserve it. These women do not stay with me because I make a lot of money. I was with both of them through the closing and bankruptcy of my business and I was flat broke. I made a comeback in one year and I'm on top of the world again financially. I keep my businesses separate from both of them.

Did you say you had children?

Stop bragging about this and get on with the business of being a mensch. Be a man and decide and allow the other to find the real longlasting love of their lives. quit trifling with both of their emotions.

HOW coud it be POSSIBLE for anyone to be in error
as to whether she loves or not??????
WELCOME to the forum, Rithean!





David

Do I think that any man who is married, and has a girlfriend on the side has not invested enough time, lies, small gifts, passion to make that girlfriend believe that he is in love with her? And, consequently, she believes she loves him, when really she is being used? And, that the wife at home who knows absolutely nothing about the affair, as she is being sexercised too:) Loves her partner that she married? It's not possible, it's a given.

What is disturbing is that Mr Fender B, doesn't give a darn... He's in it for now and will worry about it later, which makes me really wonder why he actually started this thread, as he certainly doesn't want any advice

No, F.S.; I 'm not asking that.



Well, in your understanding,
is it POSSIBLE for anyone to BELIEVE that she loves,
when in fact, she actually does NOT?? Is that possible,
in your understanding?? A miscalculation by her ?





David

Like I said "believes" that she loves him.

That's one scenario, but people who have relationships with others have differing situations, for many reasons.

Do you actually think it's a given that a wife loves her partner, quoting you?

Me, I take these two women, conjecturally, as complicit in not stopping this show on the road.

Wife learned about our poster before, they made up, and she doesn't now seem to get that he is often missing in action. Maybe by this point she is energized that he shows up again (writing the movie here). She likely has intimations.

Lover who claws for him (give me a break, although I've been acquainted with an angry/needy woman or two) is to me in reality freaked that she might have to live a day or two or three or 352 without a man. I take that from our poster's description, not that I think all women who engage with a married person are berserk.

Ok, I'm convinced, I think we have an incipiant soap writer here.

Probably the hamsters to generate Google word recognition ads.

Some people think I am bragging, but I am not. It was more miserable trying to break it off with the wife and the girlfriend. I tried, but neither one of them wanted to let go and would do anything to have me in their life. They have both said it. I know that I am a Piece of Sh!&. I used to feel guilty, but that has now run it's course. It's like I am addicted to both of these women now. The hassle has more or less gone away. I keep seeing advice to "make a decision" or "Choose one of them". I have made a decision, I choose to see both. Tried breaking it off with the wife when I left her for the Girlfriend. It didn't work. When I left my Girlfriend and moved back in with the Wife, I tried to break it off with the Girlfriend. I have given up on breaking up with either. I don't support either one of them financially. They both make a very good living. I pay for everything when I am with them. Dinner or if they ever need anything, I get it for them. Neither one of them ever ask for cash. Since I don't discuss this situation with any "friends" at all, I am using this board to talk and air it out. Yes I love advice, whether it be good or bad and I read a lot of other posts on this subject. I think I should feel empty, but I don't. If anything I feel overfullfilled.