Once a Cheater I guess is always a Cheater in my case

@FenderJackson,

Even with what you describe that you wear, drive, can easily be seen as a "bad boy image", but honestly that's probably your aim Smile

Women are tools to you Smile

She was right.... They are all just a game, to you.

What you possibly have is charisma, doesn't matter too much if you don't look like Brad Pitt...

You admit it's not fair to your wife, but you are still prepared to lie to her instead of being a man...

Why don't you be a real man? And, fess up, instead of again, lying? Smile

1 Reply

@FOUND SOUL,

FOUND SOUL wrote:

Even with what you describe that you wear, drive, can easily be seen as a "bad boy image", but honestly that's probably your aim

Women are tools to you She was right.... They are all just a game, to you.

What you possibly have is charisma, doesn't matter too much if you don't look like Brad Pitt...

You admit it's not fair to your wife, but you are still prepared to lie to her instead of being a man...

Why don't you be a real man? And, fess up, instead of again, lying?

Ditto.

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So, I should just come clean and tell her that I have been cheating on her the whole time? But if she doesn't know, how can it hurt her? If she never finds out, then it never happened. It's just like my friend that was convicted of forgery years ago.......If no one can tell it's a fake............then is it really a fake?

3 Replies

@FenderJackson,

FenderJackson wrote:

So, I should just come clean and tell her that I have been cheating on her the whole time? But if she doesn't know, how can it hurt her?

It can 't. Telling her can only hurt her; it 'd be stupid.
My cousin, Norma's, late husband admitted to adultery
whereupon Norma got a heart attack.

FenderJackson wrote:

It's just like my friend that was convicted of forgery years ago.......If no one can tell
it's a fake............then is it really a fake?

Yes. If someone cannot discern the error in the allegation that 3 + 2 = 13,
that conclusion is still fake.

David

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

OmSigDAVID wrote:

FenderJackson wrote:
So, I should just come clean and tell her that I have been cheating on her the whole time? But if she doesn't know, how can it hurt her?
It can 't. Telling her can only hurt her; it 'd be stupid.
My cousin, Norma's, late husband admitted to adultery
whereupon Norma got a heart attack.

Likewise, if she happens to find out later on, it can be equally as devastating and at that point whatever work you've put in to saving the relationship will be shot. Additionally, this girlfriend of yours doesn't sound like the type that would just let this go without causing a ruckus. So just assume she'd find out one way or the other.

Quote:

FenderJackson wrote:
It's just like my friend that was convicted of forgery years ago.......If no one can tell
it's a fake............then is it really a fake?
Yes.

David

Absolutely.

2 Replies

@Questioner,

Questioner wrote:

So just assume she'd find out one way or the other.

Questioner can assume
that the Earth is flat or anything else.
That has no bearing upon whether his prediction has any predictive merit.

Don 't give her a heart attack.

David

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

OmSigDAVID wrote:

Questioner wrote:
So just assume she'd find out one way or the other.
Questioner can assume
that the Earth is flat or anything else.
That has no bearing upon whether his prediction has any predictive merit.

Don 't give her a heart attack.

David

Same as your assumption that any wife finding out about a betrayal would respond in the same way as your cousin. I'm stating out possibilities, some that I've seen first hand same as you.

1 Reply

@Questioner,

There is no reason
to inflict the emotional discomfort upon her.
DOING that aggravates the offense.

What she does not know will not hurt her.

David

2 Replies

@OmSigDAVID,

Very, very true. What she might find out later . . and not from him but from his girlfriend. . . could do worse. That's all I'm saying. Hearing it from his girlfriend would aggravate the offense far more than if he came to her and confessed. That's been my personal experience, on both sides of the fence.

Your opinion is noted. This happens to be mine.

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@FenderJackson,

You love both of them but you are dumping the girlfriend, getting rid of her.

Letting her go is one thing, dumping and getting rid of are hostile actions, even if they are the same acts as letting her go.. and the hostility is to the girlfriend. I do take it that you tool women.

You seem, from here in cyberspace, to have a shallow sense of what connection is, low on empathy. I take it this is for reasons not all your fault as your life has worked out.
I've no advice for how to comprehend connection better than you seem to, but wish you luck in finding out more about that.

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@Questioner,

He has been apparently wasting the wife's life, given her interest in monogamy, in some kind of "what you don't know won't hurt you" schema, as well as putting time lost in for the girlfriend.

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@FenderJackson,

Does your wife actually know of the cheating that was going on with your Aunty?

Does she know of the best sex you have ever had at 23, was not with her?

Does this lady, (girlfriend) deserve a cut and dry or a sit down and explanation of your decision and why?

Does your wife deserve to be lied to?

Who are you thinking of in each and every scenario and who have you only been thinking of throughout your entire life...

How can it be the whole time? You are 45... You married her at 23, you stated she is already aware of past affairs... I am sure she will not be at all shocked over this...

So "she can't have a heart attack" .

Like others have stated, seriously, you sent this girlfriend into a real spin, realed her in, sent her out, like a fish on a fishing line.. This may be the last straw for her, you assume she will contact you again in a few months and ask to be sex buddies only... Never, assume a woman scorned and all that.

Lies are always found out "eventually", always.

What will hurt her more is not you stating, that you value the marriage and have been a jerk, thinking of yourself only , all your married life and have made a manly decision to not only "stop it" but to be honest for the first time in your life and tell her, in hope of her forgiveness, is her finding out because she will, trust me... That girlfriend is going to get real peeved and right about now as you are reading that and what others have stated, I can see you backtracking again and deciding to keep peace with the girlfriend.

How can you live with yourself?

What is fake is you.. In as much as you pretend to care, but really you don't you care about losing... You care about getting what you can, when you can, with no respect for anyone else..

I again wonder, if this was caused by your Aunty but you deny that. If she made you feel that way, it stands to reason why you would treat women as if they are meat.. Is that how you really felt but you can't admit that to yourself?

Marriage is real... Get real.

Fess up .. She doesn't deserve any more lies.

0 Replies

@FenderJackson,

FenderJackson wrote:

So, I should just come clean and tell her that I have been cheating on her the whole time? But if she doesn't know, how can it hurt her? If she never finds out, then it never happened. It's just like my friend that was convicted of forgery years ago.......If no one can tell it's a fake............then is it really a fake?

When was the last time you got checked for STD's? Bring one home to your wife (like my ex-husband did to me) and you will have a lot of explaining to do.

Forgeries don't transmit diseases to others.

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@FenderJackson,

Quote:

I was hoping someone would have been in my shoes at one time. I would love to know the outcome or what they did in my situation.

http://able2know.org/forum/relationships/

http://able2know.org/forum/cheating/

http://able2know.org/forum/marriage/

http://able2know.org/forum/narcissism/

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My wife does know about some of the affairs. Not with my Aunt though. There is a few she doesn't know about and never will. No, it doesn't always come out. My lies don't always find me out. My wife isn't big on material things she claims. But she drives a car that costs over $100,000 new. I picked it up for $35,000 from a bank that repoed it. It only had 14,000 miles on it and it books for $80,000 now. I'll sell it for for $65,000 in a couple of months. And she'll be driving something else cool. She lives in a 6000 square foot home full of very expensive furniture that constantly changes because I buy and sell it. I have a 6 car garage. The house is free and clear and her name is the only one on it. It had to be that way because I filed bankruptcy 2 years ago. She works because she loves what she does. I pay all the bills. I buy all the groceries. She has 5 closets full of clothes and shoes and she owns some famous dresses by top designers. But I buy and sell those too. And, most importantly, I make her happy and I make her laugh all the time. So, you really think she would leave me or ever want a divorce?

1 Reply

@FenderJackson,

My wife does know about some of the affairs. Not with my Aunt though. There is a few she doesn't know about and never will. No, it doesn't always come out.

Quote:

My lies don't always find me out. My wife isn't big on material things she claims. But she drives a car that costs over $100,000 new. I picked it up for $35,000 from a bank that repoed it. It only had 14,000 miles on it and it books for $80,000 now. I'll sell it for for $65,000 in a couple of months. And she'll be driving something else cool. She lives in a 6000 square foot home full of very expensive furniture that constantly changes because I buy and sell it. I have a 6 car garage. The house is free and clear and her name is the only one on it. It had to be that way because I filed bankruptcy 2 years ago. She works because she loves what she does. I pay all the bills. I buy all the groceries. She has 5 closets full of clothes and shoes and she owns some famous dresses by top designers. But I buy and sell those too. And, most importantly, I make her happy and I make her laugh all the time. So, you really think she would leave me or ever want a divorce?

Lol's so you bought her? And, you hid from the law, buy somehow being able to place the house in her name with enough time, before filing for bankrupcy and let's face it YOU get to live your life, in luxury as a result.. .6 Car garage suggests YOU Smile

have a car of two , no wait, a motorbike, harley? in there as well that belong to you, a nice watch and nice clothes Smile

Is this honestly all for real? The only thing I can think of, is, you see yourself as a rich dude, therefore, you can have mistresses, why not? You can buy them a rose, a dress, .... And, your wife has it all, so you know, .. But now the real picture, "would she leave me? " she has it all, hell yeah the house is under her name:)

So if this is real, was and is this your motivation to leave the girlfriend? Stay with wifey? I think so.

Do you have any, any, morals at all? Then again, she's accepted all of your affairs ( I wonder what she would think about Aunty), I guess Fender Jackson will never relate to her...So maybe she is using you?

You make everyone laugh, we established that and you have charisma, we established that... So, it is OK to buy her, to keep her?

You need a reality check and you are still here writing away, but I wonder if it's only to gain the opinions of whether you will lose your house.

PS: Your girlfriend is jealous... She believed and has to now that you will keep going back.... If you don't she WILL find a way to tell your wife, your lies always catch up with you:)

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@OmSigDAVID,

This is a rare occasion where I agree with David. I don't condone Fender's cheating but if he chose to give up his girlfriend I can't see what would be achieved by then telling his wife about it. I think honesty for honesty's sake is overrated.

1 Reply

If my wife wanted to end it, I would just give her the house and everything that is in it, Minus the antique furniture and I would have to dump a shitload of cash on her. I don't own a Harley at the moment, but I have owned them before and drove them around for a while. I'm not stingy with my money. If she took me to court, I would probably have to pay her $500,000 and she would get the house. But I would give her $750.000 in cash and the house to keep her from suing me. I have already thought about it. But I know for a fact that she won't divorce me. She adores me. Even with my faults.

1 Reply

@MonaLeeza,

MonaLeeza wrote:

This is a rare occasion where I agree with David. I don't condone Fender's cheating but if he chose to give up his girlfriend I can't see what would be achieved by then telling his wife about it. I think honesty for honesty's sake is overrated.

Which is the exact kind of beliefs that lead people to get into these kinds of situations. It's also why the divorce rate is so high in America right now. However, I know that most people don't share my belief in this. Most people I talk to hold the belief that if you can get away with doing something dishonest and rotten, that you should do everything in your power to do so.

Myself, I found/find it hard to live with that sort of baggage on my mind all the time. I found that it would intrude on my thoughts and temper my responses to friends/loved ones. For me it was a matter of, if I'm going to live my life professing to be in love with my wife, then I'm going to have to do it from scratch. She's going to have to know she can trust me and I'm going to have to be able to look at her without feeling horribly guilty for the rest of our lives.

But yes, as I say, the overwhelming response to my suggestion is generally 'if you can hide it hide it.'

1 Reply

@FenderJackson,

FenderJackson wrote:

If my wife wanted to end it, I would just give her the house and everything that is in it, Minus the antique furniture and I would have to dump a shitload of cash on her. I don't own a Harley at the moment, but I have owned them before and drove them around for a while. I'm not stingy with my money. If she took me to court, I would probably have to pay her $500,000 and she would get the house. But I would give her $750.000 in cash and the house to keep her from suing me. I have already thought about it. But I know for a fact that she won't divorce me. She adores me. Even with my faults.

Then you're just taking advantage of her. IE: You don't 'love' her the way you profess to. Just something to think on.

1 Reply

Once a Cheater I guess is always a Cheater in my case

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