27
   

A friend of ours hit our child - what should we do?

 
 
Linkat
 
  3  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 11:05 am
@odessitka,
Odessitka – I once had an occasion where I “broke up” with a friend. Often times it takes one incident that is the straw that breaks the camel’s back or a situation that hasn’t occurred before so you have not seen this particular person’s reaction to a particular situation. If you have time for a long story (and are interested)….

I had this close friend who was going to be in my wedding. I knew her about 10 years, but it was more a gradual friendship. As we developed a closer friendship, we would travel together, etc. We got along great. But and the big but was I was always available for her even when she wasn’t for me.

When she had started law school at night while working full time – she was always busy and would frequently cancel our get togethers. I understood. We ended up both entering into (around the same time) long distance relationships. Mine worked – he moved to be close to me and we got engaged. She was going to be in the wedding. We had a few hiccops – our reception place closed out of no where – we scrambled to get a new venue; and just the pain in the neck stuff of planning.

The first time ever I canceled going out with her. I called and said, I am so tired, I haven’t been home at night forever. She blew up at me over phone and said I don’t think I can be in your wedding. I told her I understood when she canceled because she was going to law school – she said “but that was important!” My response – well getting married is a bit important as well.

Then next morning, we get a call. My future husband was killed in a car accident. That weekend I was supposed to have the bachelorette party. Making all the plans to immediately fly across country, I didn’t have time to call everyone. My mom helped out. On my return, this friend called – I figured she would say sorry or something – no, immediately she was angry I had not called her. I told her (knowing my mom had spoken with her), you know what happened. Yes, she said, but…I stopped her right there and said “I know longer want to be friends with you.”

Now I’ve never had her act so selfishly before. Yes, I could she a selfish streak in her, but nothing so bad where she takes her personal fun over someone’s death. It can happen and realizing she had values that I could never embrace, I felt it best that I break up with her.
odessitka
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 11:21 am
@dlowan,
Quote:
...you can stop seeing their posts by clicking on their names at the top of each post, then clicking ignore under their avatar.


Fancy! Laughing Already done!
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 11:34 am
@Linkat,
Wow. I never knew all of that stuff about you....

What a horrible tragedy.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 11:57 am
@DrewDad,
Yeah and I didn't tell you about this "friend" afterwards showing up at my condo waiting in the parking lot to assault me.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 11:57 am
@Linkat,
Sometimes you really don't know some one and what they are capable of.
0 Replies
 
engineer
 
  3  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 12:18 pm
@odessitka,
odessitka wrote:

Quote:
...you can stop seeing their posts by clicking on their names at the top of each post, then clicking ignore under their avatar.

Fancy! Laughing Already done!

I suggest you use that ignore button with the greatest of care. Someone who vehemently disagrees with you on one thread may be just the voice you need on another and everyone gets flamed now and then. That said, there are some serious trolls out there that need ignoring but I favor erring by reading an occasional troll than striking an opinion just because it doesn't match mine.
cicerone imposter
 
  2  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 12:32 pm
@engineer,
I guess we learn that over time. I have several people on Ignore, because I know that their "contributions" amount to nonsense without any support by reliable-credible sources, and some are just garbage without any value. Some are trolls with the same message repeated ad nauseum.
hawkeye10
 
  -1  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 12:50 pm
@cicerone imposter,
cicerone imposter wrote:

I guess we learn that over time. I have several people on Ignore, because I know that their "contributions" amount to nonsense without any support by reliable-credible sources, and some are just garbage without any value. Some are trolls with the same message repeated ad nauseum.
the problem with the ignore function is that it facilitates the avoidance function of people who don't want to see their sacrid cows gored, it disrupts the communication of truth. Luckly we have always been an in your face bunch, so this avoidance breaks down as those who are ignored get quoted by those who are not. The OP here has shown strong tendencies towards avoidance, both at a2k and in her real life, I expect in time she will decide that a2k is not the place for her.
manored
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 01:14 pm
I would advise against ever using the ignore function, every person is interesting. let your mind do it automatically if they are trully to be ignored.
0 Replies
 
wayne
 
  5  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 01:14 pm
@hawkeye10,
Man, you are really something.
The reason you get ignored isn't because of your opinions, it is because you can't be trusted to be intellectually honest.
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 01:22 pm
@wayne,
wayne wrote:

Man, you are really something.
The reason you get ignored isn't because of your opinions, it is because you can't be trusted to be intellectually honest.

for example?
Fido
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 01:25 pm
@wayne,
wayne wrote:

Man, you are really something.
The reason you get ignored isn't because of your opinions, it is because you can't be trusted to be intellectually honest.

Who is intellectually honest??? I mean, in this world with the complex issues we face it is possible to straddle a lot of issues, to be for and against and be totally honest... I get a lot of crap for trying to draw a fine distinction, or come at a subject from a different angle by people who can only see things from one side at a time... I consider that there are more than the two common sides to every issue, but it is a good start to be able to see things at least from the most common perpectives before moving on... It is just like with this question...

How do you hate violence and reject it as a mode of discipline in parenting and still recognize violence as an essential option... Violence should be so rare that it is not taught, and so rare that when used with a lesson the lessoned is taught so it will not be forgotten... I have never been one for hitting my own kids, but I will tell them, I don't want to hit you, and it is too much hassle to hit you, but if you talk to some people like you are talking to me, they will rip your face off and flush it down the toilet... How is that for honest...
DrewDad
 
  5  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 01:36 pm
@hawkeye10,
hawkeye10 wrote:
the problem with the ignore function is that it facilitates the avoidance function of people who don't want to see their sacrid cows gored, it disrupts the communication of truth.

Kinda depends on how one uses it. It can be (ab)used that way, but I think the intended (and, I think, more common) use is as a noise filter. I don't care to be assaulted by the likes of H2O_Man on a daily basis.
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 01:37 pm
@Fido,
If you want to get to the root of the problem of where we go wrong with talking honestly about violence you need to back up a few steps....our brain circuits melt when ever we are forced to deal with power of any kind, we don't have the intellectual framework to deal with it, our moral proclivities refuse to allow us to be honest about how the use of power shapes and flavors every aspect of the human experience. We behave like poorly educated children when ever we are forced to deal with power, which tends to result in our getting taken advantage of by those who understand and are willing to use power to their full advantage.
0 Replies
 
wayne
 
  2  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 01:44 pm
@hawkeye10,
Quote:
Quote:
There was a conditional in there, if you didnt notice.
Ya, if this guy has a lot of faults...which is saying "if this guy is human" because we all have a lot of faults.... I ignored that part as I assume it was intended to be ignored, because since we know the guy is human there really was no "if", it clearly was a rhetorical device.


This is one of many examples.

Now let's hear your spin so you can avoid being honest about this too.
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 01:55 pm
@hawkeye10,
hawkeye10 wrote:
the problem with the ignore function is that it facilitates the avoidance function of people who don't want to see their sacrid cows gored


the people I've put on ignore over the years have only very occasionally been people whose opinions I disagreed with.

what my "ignore"s have had in common is that I find something about their posting style annoying

bombast/one-notedness tends to get at least a temporary ignore from me. there's one poster I have to put on ignore every couple of months as I find even seeing his blather annoying

I prefer to read/consider/respond to interesting arguments than to read blather that's covering something I might agree with.
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 01:58 pm
@wayne,
Quote:
Now let's hear your spin so you can avoid being honest about this too
You have quoted a concise obviously true statement from me, without pointing out any alleged errors in it, so what should I comment on?
wayne
 
  3  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 02:12 pm
@hawkeye10,
Maybe you've misunderstood my reasons for making the point.
I couldn't care less about what you tell yourself.

This example is all there in black and white ( pgs. 10/11) everyone saw it.
I didn't point it out for your sake, as you've assumed.
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 02:31 pm
@wayne,
Quote:
This example is all there in black and white ( pgs. 10/11) everyone saw it.
I didn't point it out for your sake, as you've assumed.
I see on pages 10/11 places where people disagree with me (nothing new there) but I dont see anyplaces where I have been intellectually dishonest. Interesting that you refuse to point them out, which means that I should not bother to waste any more time on your objection. However, you might want to make sure that you know the definition of words and phrases before you use them in your attempt to discredit members of A2K.

Quote:
Intellectual dishonesty is dishonesty in performing intellectual activities like thought or communication. Examples are:
the advocacy of a position which the advocate knows or believes to be false or misleading
the advocacy of a position which the advocate does not know to be true, and has not performed rigorous due diligence to ensure the truthfulness of the position
the conscious omission of aspects of the truth known or believed to be relevant in the particular context.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intellectual_dishonesty

If you find a place where you think this has happened then let me know, and we will investigate.
cicerone imposter
 
  2  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 02:34 pm
@DrewDad,
Precisely! He's on my Ignore list.

Has he posted anything worthwhile reading after I put him on Ignore? I doubt it.

Besides, osso told me to stop feeding the trolls.
 

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