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A friend of ours hit our child - what should we do?

 
 
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 03:03 pm
@cicerone imposter,
I use the ignore button to calm myself down. Mostly a few come and go on it. Sometimes the number adds up and I bring some folks back into the fold. It's mostly a lounge chair and lemonade to keep my crabby self mellow. Or mellower.
0 Replies
 
wayne
 
  2  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 03:06 pm
@hawkeye10,
Quote:
Intellectual dishonesty is dishonesty in performing intellectual activities like thought or communication. Examples are:
the advocacy of a position which the advocate knows or believes to be false or misleading
the advocacy of a position which the advocate does not know to be true, and has not performed rigorous due diligence to ensure the truthfulness of the position
the conscious omission of aspects of the truth known or believed to be relevant in the particular context.
Rhetoric is used to advance an agenda or to reinforce one's deeply held beliefs in the face of overwhelming contrary evidence.[1][dead link] If a person is aware of the evidence and agrees with the conclusion it portends, yet advocates a contradictory view, they commit intellectual dishonesty. If the person is unaware of the evidence, their position is ignorance, even if in agreement with the scientific conclusion. If the person is knowingly aware that there may be additional evidence but purposefully fails to check, and then acts as though the position is confirmed, this is also intellectual dishonesty.
The terms intellectually dishonest and intellectual dishonesty are often used as rhetorical devices in a debate; the label invariably frames an opponent in a negative light.[vague]
The phrase is also frequently used by orators when a debate foe or audience reaches a conclusion varying from the speaker's on a given subject.[dubious – discuss] This appears mostly in debates or discussions of speculative, non-scientific issues, such as morality or policy.[vague]


0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 03:07 pm
@Linkat,
I don't remember if I knew about that, the death of your fiance. Maybe I did and had forgotten. Boy, what a bad time for you, and of course him. ((hug))
On the friend, missing a synapse.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 03:17 pm
@cicerone imposter,
What? You obeyed? <chuckles>

I use ignore so I don't have an annoying burr in my mind; it is often just a rest phase, though once in a while a lasting one. Nothing to do with disagreement, although that can happen concurrently with annoyance otherwise.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 03:24 pm
@ossobuco,
Sorry did I write that wrong - his dad was in an accident - oh my gosh sorry about that! His dad was bad enough. I meant to say my fiance's dad.

ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 03:27 pm
@Linkat,
Aha. Thanks for the clarification.
I may have read it wrong.
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 03:29 pm
@ossobuco,
No I missed putting in dad. Gosh that is so bad.

We did end up having a wonderful wedding with a special tribute and candle lighting for dad. Also, this was prior to A2K so why you wouldn't have known any way.

The whole former bridesmaid thing though makes for a wonderful story now - and trying to re-plan a whole wedding a couple months before was also interesting.
odessitka
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 10:33 pm
@Linkat,
Regarding your story - oh my God, I'm so sorry. You must have felt devastated...
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 10:42 pm
@Linkat,
Thanks, kiddo.
0 Replies
 
odessitka
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 10:47 pm
@Linkat,
I see I missed your explanation that it wasn't your fiance after all. I've just read a horrible story about a 8-year-old boy killed and dismembered in Brooklyn, NY, and then yours about your fiance killed in an accident, and was already getting ready for a sleepless night...
manored
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 10:56 pm
@odessitka,
odessitka wrote:

I see I missed your explanation that it wasn't your fiance after all. I've just read a horrible story about a 8-year-old boy killed and dismembered in Brooklyn, NY, and then yours about your fiance killed in an accident, and was already getting ready for a sleepless night...
You mean murder and fatal accident stories make you lose sleep?

I will assume you either dont sleep or dont watch news =)
ossobuco
 
  3  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 11:08 pm
@manored,
This is posturing.

Most of us learn to put away tv news stuff (certainly me, as I don't watch because I don't have a tv now), but we still connect to real people, and odess is gathering that some of us are real..

You, in the meantime, are being somehow instructive in a fairly shockjocking way re internet brutality.

odessitka
 
  3  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 11:22 pm
@ Everyone,

Hey guys,
It's totally impossible for me to keep up with you - it's a very fast-paced environment. I have three kids, and it's summer, so it's been totally crazy over here. But I've been diligent and been reading all your posts (well, except those on Ignore - sorry, I just really don't have time for arguing with those who are not making any sense/contradict themselves/trying to spin the story in this thread, but I completely agree that this function should not be abused).
Thinking about those of you who asked whether I'm certain I don't remember anything else that could shed light upon the guy's strange sudden outbreak, I remembered a rather tragic detail from his family history: his older brother had minor mental issues, and committed suicide by hanging himself. It was years ago, and the guy never talked about it. His wife told us one day when he was absent, and asked to never mention that to him. So we only expressed sympathy and never pressed him to talk about it. I'm a complete dummy when it comes to mental issues, and I'm just wondering now whether there can be a mental illness that runs in the family and starts to develop only in late 30s - early 40s. His parents seem to be completely normal though. Other than that, and I stand by what I said before, there were no cases that could have made us call him violent or abusive. Yes, he sometimes spanks his kids - well, as many of you argued here, spanking is rather disciplining than hitting (and I guess I'll have to admit I don't disagree - I just don't administer it because I think it's useless); yes, he sometimes lifts his kids off the ground and shakes them when they disobey - but since the kids never looked scared, his wife wasn't concerned, and it was just a thing-that-daddy-does-when-he's-angry, we didn't really pay attention to it; yes, he yelled at my son at a restaurant once, but my son really WAS annoying at that age, he talked non-stop and always needed someone to listen to him and answer his questions (I'm not justifying the guy's yelling at him, I'm just saying I can somewhat understand it). Also, some of you have expressed an opinion that maybe I didn't know the guy as well as I thought - well, the more I'm thinking about it, the more I'm inclined to say you're right.
odessitka
 
  2  
Reply Wed 13 Jul, 2011 11:36 pm
@manored,
Quote:
You mean murder and fatal accident stories make you lose sleep?

There are different kinds of murder. When members of street gangs are shooting each other, I won't even bother to read. When an 8-year-old boy goes home from a day camp in one of the safest neighborhoods, takes a wrong turn, asks a stranger for directions, and ends up dissected in that stranger's freezer, yes I lose sleep. I'm either having nightmares about my own kids all night long, or lying there thinking about human brutality.
roger
 
  2  
Reply Thu 14 Jul, 2011 12:17 am
@odessitka,
It happens I am pretty much okay with spanking - as part of the educational process done by parents. I'm not okay with spanking done out of anger. Shaking a kid is a whole 'nuther deal. It's just too dangerous to contemplate.

Somewhere in between lies the business of grabbing and pushing the kid to the ground. In this instance, it's way out of line. If anyone is going to track him down for revenge, which this was, it has to be a parent.
OmSigDAVID
 
  0  
Reply Thu 14 Jul, 2011 02:22 am
@manored,
manored wrote:

OmSigDAVID wrote:

THAT is what the police are for.
That is what we all pay our taxes for.

Call the police as soon as possible.
That would cause massive amounts of grief for both parties with little to no benefits.
The victim woud be avenged
and the "massive . . . grief" woud be limited to the perpetrator.





David
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Thu 14 Jul, 2011 02:25 am
@OmSigDAVID,
Quote:
The victim woud be avenged
and the "massive . . . grief" woud be limited to the perpetrator.
We all know that there is not a single lawyer who would turn down billable hours, nor who would suggest that the law (and thus the lawyer) are not appropriate for a situation.
OmSigDAVID
 
  0  
Reply Thu 14 Jul, 2011 02:38 am
@hawkeye10,
David wrote:
The victim woud be avenged
and the "massive . . . grief" woud be limited to the perpetrator.
hawkeye10 wrote:
We all know that their is not a single lawyer who would turn down billable hours,
nor who would suggest that the law (and thus the lawyer) are not appropriate for a situation.
I 've long been an eager supporter of greed (not stinginess).
However, my interests r only empathic n vicarious.
A man need not be a lawyer to approve of vengeance.




Lawyers 'd find slim pickings in this little case.




David
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Jul, 2011 02:44 am
@roger,
Whoever strikes the first blow
tacitly invites retaliation; such is the nature of existence.





David
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Thu 14 Jul, 2011 08:13 am
@odessitka,
What I was trying to point in my long winded story that probably got lost in my huge error (who would have thought missing one word could result in such a different story).

Anyone - sometimes what seems like minor stuff on a friend is minor until something doesn't go their way. In my case, my one time not being available really showed her true colors - not that it wasn't there before just much smaller. Perhaps in this case, the one time your son really pissed him off, showed his true violent streak. The other stuff were more minor things that just got him a little upset thus the yelling.
 

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