A friend of ours hit our child - what should we do?

@sozobe,

Quote:

Like, maybe in the moment he was just too mad/ hot state to get around to the apology. Then, separately, later he realized that he could actually get in trouble for this and wants to cover his butt.

Odessitka, have you had any communication with the wife/mom?

I have been e-mailing with his wife every day since the incident. She remains in shock, but from what I could gather, they haven't really discussed this. They don't talk to each other much normally. If they have an argument, they use silence treatment for a couple days, and then everything's back to normal. Works for them. Anyway, as I realized, he has no intentions to apologize.
Also, if you've been wondering, my husband and I will remain friends with her, and since our 8-year-old daughters are best friends, we'll make sure they don't suffer from the consequences and see each other on a regular basis, like they used to.

1 Reply

@odessitka,

I was wondering... good to know that those connections will be maintained.

It makes it harder to get away from him completely though, right? Sure hope things will stay peaceful and that there won't be any further issues. Do you have plans yet to deal with, for example, your 8-yr-old going to their house when he might be home?

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@sozobe,

I kinda doubt the girl will have any problem.

It's not at all uncommon for males to clash like this, especially when one is in that age group.
My nephew and I clashed a lot when he was that age. I can't count the times I wanted to knock his block off.
The good news is, we grew out of it.

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@wayne,

Good point...women are going to be women, the big problem here seems to be that the OP's hubby is such a woman that he cant/won't deal with the issue, that all he knows to do is run away and let the women deal with it.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

I can't say whether or not that's the case.
As we both are aware, male relationships can be quite complicated.
I have no idea what the relationship is between the 2 adult males.

I don't think there is an abuser here, more likely, we are dealing with a loss of control.

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@wayne,

wayne wrote:

I kinda doubt the girl will have any problem.

It's not at all uncommon for males to clash like this, especially when one is in that age group.
My nephew and I clashed a lot when he was that age. I can't count the times I wanted to knock his block off.
The good news is, we grew out of it.

It boggles the mind
that anyone woud do such a thing as this; reprehensible and rude.
My friend, Donald, has a child of c.1O; I cannot begin
to conceive of laying hands on her; unimaginable.

That offender has a twisted mind.

David

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

Oddly, I don't remember what happened to the dad.

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@Lash,

Lash wrote:

Oddly, I don't remember what happened to the dad.

In America, we have the 8th Amendment
to the US Constitution which prohibits "cruel and unusual punishment."
I almost wish that it allowed the killer to be disposed
of in the same manner as he executed his offense.
That 'd serve him right.

David

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@OmSigDAVID,

You could be right, who's to say.
But then, you never met my nephew Smile

1 Reply

@wayne,

wayne wrote:

I kinda doubt the girl will have any problem.

It's not at all uncommon for males to clash like this, especially when one is in that age group.
My nephew and I clashed a lot when he was that age. I can't count the times I wanted to knock his block off.
The good news is, we grew out of it.

Thats a good point. There are many men out there who think hitting boys is fine, but girls isnt. I think its just in the nature of men to be far gentler with women than they are with other men.

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@wayne,

wayne wrote:

You could be right, who's to say.
But then, you never met my nephew

I never met your nephew,
but I know him well enuf to be certain
that I 'd NEVER lay violent hands on him,
except in immediate self-defense, if necessary.

The attack in question was NOT defensive.
It was retributively vindictive.

David

1 Reply

@manored,

wayne wrote:

I kinda doubt the girl will have any problem.

It's not at all uncommon for males to clash like this, especially when one is in that age group.
My nephew and I clashed a lot when he was that age. I can't count the times I wanted to knock his block off.
The good news is, we grew out of it.

manored wrote:

Thats a good point. There are many men out there who think hitting boys is fine, but girls isnt.
I think its just in the nature of men to be far gentler with women than they are with other men.

If u hit anyone,
then u probably have committed both a crime and a tort
and u shoud be held to account for both.

The moral of the story is: CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS.

David

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@OmSigDAVID,

We worked it out so that each of us was well aware of the dangers of standing near the other's backswing, where you might get bloodied accidentally.

My brother was wise enough to leave us to our own devices.
Of course, he wasn't above trading the driver's seat with Chris when I was on the skis, to be fair, he also traded with me too.

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@manored,

That may be true, but make no mistake, I am not condoning hitting anyone.

Males of our species learn the subtle art of posturing at a young age, there are other ways of dealing with that than brutality.

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@wayne,

Quote:

Males of our species learn the subtle art of posturing at a young age, there are other ways of dealing with that than brutality.

And women have their aggressive arts to, but because we are biased it is normally only masculine aggression that anyone has a problem with . I dont condone the calling for humanity to give up aggression, it is futile, it is oppressive and some of the best of who humans are is wrapped up around our aggressive natures.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

I can't disagree with you here, although it you've given a simplistic description.

We've developed complicated systems, and outlets for our aggressions.
It is plain that this guy stepped over the line and should be corrected.
I don't believe in punishing people, rather correct them.
I will agree the boy's father bears the responsibility for this, if he wants to save the friendship.
It all rests on the capabilities of both parties.

1 Reply

@wayne,

Quote:

It is plain that this guy stepped over the line and should be corrected.

He needs to be confronted, and he needs to understand that he handled this poorly and needs to do better next time, but going all hysterical helps no one. Only if he came back with " I did nothing wrong and I'd do it again" would all this scorn that had been heaped on him be justified. But what so we have here....the one couple talking trash about him between them and considering turning him over to the cops, the two women talking about him behind his back apparently in secret and hatching plans , a wife that apparently refuses to even mention the subject to him. This is a very slimy way to conduct relationship, I think the whole lot of them would benefit from some counseling. This is not complicated. Step 1: sit the guy down and start a conversation about what happened and how everyone feels about it, a conversation being both talking and listening.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

I agree with you, theoretically.
In practice, human emotions complicate things considerably.
I won't rush to condemn any of these people on their failures, I've only become reasonably competent at the age of 50.

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@wayne,

Quote:

I won't rush to condemn any of these people on their failures, I've only become reasonably competent at the age of 50.

Fair enough, but it rubs me the wrong way when people come to strangers talking **** about someone, apparently looking for support, while admitting no errors or weaknesses of their own......when they clearly are not so hot themselves. I would much prefer some humility, some understanding that we are all fallible and that we are all sinners, and to see some compassion for the sinner. The Christians say "hate the sin but love the sinner", which is not bad advise.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

I'll agree with that as long as you realize you are presently in the position to do just that Smile

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A friend of ours hit our child - what should we do?

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