I am pondering carefully to what Montana has written. I agree with her, to a point. A single woman certainly has no particular loyalty to a woman whom she does not even know. It is the husband's responsibility to be faithful to the marriage. (Sleeping with a friend's husband, is quite another matter, which to me, is reprehensible.)
Saying that, I also need to say that I think that sleeping with married men may be ill advised, foolish, or even self destructive, but I don't think that the woman bears any responsibility to either the wife or the marriage.
Montana alluded to the fact, that many women who either fear, or do not wish to become emotionally entangled with a man, will go for the married ones. For some women, it is a lot safer proposition.
I would never have slept with a friends husband or even the husband of someone I knew. Even though I wasn't looking for a relationship at the time, I also wasn't looking for married men either. These few men were simply acquaintances that I had run into in bars or clubs occationally, so I had no emotional attachment to them or their wives.
Safer for who?
My father was unfaithful to my mother (hense my very strong feelings about this subject). It ended the marriage. My father married the other woman (who he has cheated on the entire marriage). But my mother sued the other woman for disillusion of marriage and won 250,000 and that was 25 years ago.
I also think that when you have sex with someone there is an emotional attachment - even if you dont want there to be. It is a biological response that the body has.
beebo
With all due respect, I find it hard to believe that your mother won a lawsuit against this woman on those grounds.
beebo wrote:I also think that when you have sex with someone there is an emotional attachment - even if you dont want there to be. It is a biological response that the body has.
The only thing I felt for those men was lust.
Lola, I wouldn't say, "My marriage will never end" for just those reasons. I don't want it to, I hope it won't, but it is ultimately out of my control.
What I can control are my own actions. Perhaps there will come a time when I am undeniably, overpoweringly attracted to someone who is not my husband. If that happens, my first step will be to talk to my husband about it, and come to some sort of resolution.
Again, I am not saying that I will never be attracted -- I am saying that I will do something about it BEFORE it becomes an affair.
I say this with the same certainty that I would say "I will never steal a car" or "I would never mug an old lady."
Lola, I agree that the smart thing for most is to never say never. Ask Sean Connery or Mick Jagger, two people who come to mind immediately. But there are some things that we must draw the line at or we're susceptible, in my opinion, to disaster and complete loss of control of our personal life. I'm talking about morals and living by them. I would never say that I'll never take another 9-to-5 job (I'm self-employed and adore it), I would never say that I'll never eat liver ( I hate liver), I would never say that I'll never be singing 'Satisfaction' at 40 years old (ha-ha) but I can say that I will NEVER cheat on my husband just like I can say that I will NEVER shoot up heroin or have sex with my mother's son.
Soz, stay true to your convictions.
There seems to be an assumption that I have never been faced with this situation. I have.
Some things do change as you get older. Your opinions and ideas and feelings about certain things are always open to change after experiencing life and all it's twists and turns. But when you chose your rules to live by, it's up to you and no one else whether you hold onto them or not. And you can, in spite of time, age and everything else.
I find that as I age, my beliefs and values become more clear, not less so. Life has fine-tuned things. Some things became less important, some much more important.
I have acknowledged to myself that I am unable to learn to trust people who I know to have been dishonest in the past. I think it's a good thing to know that about myself. I would be fooling myself if I thought I could become seriously involved with someone I know to have been cheated in a previous relationship. At the centre of my soul, that is not someone I can respect.
Pretending that I can see past that would be foolish on my part.
Lola wrote: If it's easier or desirable to live by rules in some given area, that are never questioned, it's fine with me.
I think you'll find that people have questioned these things, and do not necessarily find it easier to live with the results of those questionings.
