She is not the first "semi-pro" that I have come in contact with. (I always called them users of people) She is the first that I have to have a relationship with because she is my sister in law. I used to be friends with her but every time we are together I feel used- I end up paying for dinner, agreeing to water her plants (when she is away on a free trip the the alps- another guy she is sleeping with). The last time she slept with a married man- and told me about it- I told her that I thought it was immoral. Well, we dont really talk anymore, except at family functions.
beebo- Doesn't sound like much of a loss for you. Apparently she is quite a leech. You need a relationship with her, like you need a second head.
I agree- but why do I feel like such a ****.
beebo- My attitude is that I do not have a relationship with a relative, unless I would have wanted to befriend that person were he/she not a relative.
Years ago, I spent many miserable afternoons with people whom I would have not looked at twice, were they not related to me. I don't do that anymore, and my life is a lot happier.
People have been sold a bill of goods about "family", and the supposed loyalty that one owes a family member. That's fine if the family member is a decent person. IMO, you have nothing to feel guilty about. She is the one who is behaving like a jackass!
Phoenix: you make such good sense. Way to go!
Years ago, many, many years ago, I became friends (I thought) with a semi-pro, except that she was more pro than semi. The odd thing was I had known her for a while and hadn't noticed this propensity for payment due that she had. That is until the morning after the night at __________"s Mexican Restaurant and many several margaritas whereafter we retired to her giant fluffy bed and later woke. Well, you know waking can bring on many things and that morning and for many several morning thereafter it brought demands for stuff. Not sex. that would have been easy, (well not easy but.... well, okay that would have been easy.) Stuff, like payments on her car (? just till her income tax check comes.) fixing the broken washer, bags of groceries, a couple of dresses and a pants suit blah, blah blah. I ran.
Run when you find them. Let them hunt someone else.
Joe
I knew she was a semi but kept getting caught in her web. Honestly, I am sure she will try it again. We never have a conversation when she doesn't ask for something. She truely thinks she deserves all of this stuff.
Here is the best way I can describe her
The difference between K and Jesus is= Jesus never thinks he is K.
I am an older woman, but I was younger then than now. I did have a promiscuous period, which I don't look back on with the regret I supposedly should. It was after a series of losses of people, parents and serious lovers. I came back from it. But I don't apologize for my time of being promiscuous. In fact, I have stories...
I won't say it is all in the game, as that is too easy.
Enjoy your life, but don't throw it or yourself away.
Sitting around talking with 'Mary' and 'Jane' several years ago, Jane commented that another friend of ours was a 'ho. Mary looked at her and laughed. "We're all over 30," she said. "At this point, we can all be considered 'hos."
ho is moi, now there is a motto.
Sleeping around is one thing, but expecting some sort of payment is a ho different ballgame. If there's one thing I can't stand is a user. I think on the same lines as Phoenix when it comes to family. I am obligated to no one other than my son until he's an adult.
I agree. But still- what do you consider promiscuous. Everyone I talk to has a different idea. One friend said more than six in a year is too much. One said if you have lost count - you have a problem. One said two in one day is too much.
I consider it sleeping around with different people, but others may think differently.
Osso- You and I could swap stories.
beebo- I think that if a person has sex for sex's sake, he/she is promiscuous. I really don't think that you can agree on a number.
My husband had a friend, who was an artist...........Greenwich Village loft, and the whole deal. This man would fall madly in love with a woman. He would wax rhapsodic about her, and each liason was equally intense..............The affair would usually last a about six weeks, and then it was on to another woman with whom he was madly in love. Was he promiscuous? Maybe. Pathological? Probably.
I think that one of the things that one has to consider is the motivation. In the case of your sister-in-law she is bartering sex for goods and services. Whether it is 10 or 100 men, I would consider her promiscuous.
I agree with Phoenix. There is no number attached.
Quote:pro·mis·cu·ous (prə-mis'kyu-əs)
adj.
Having casual sexual relations frequently with different partners; indiscriminate in the choice of sexual partners.
Lacking standards of selection; indiscriminate
Got this out of the dictionary. I think that the operative words here are, casual, different partners, indiscriminate choice, and lacking standards.
That's the was I've always seen it.
How do you feel about someone who is promiscuous. Say, a friend- I am not refering to my sister in law- just generally. Would that change your friendship?
beebo- There are so many variables, that I could never make a blanket statement about it. One thing that I could say though. I could never be friends with someone who was a promiscuous user. That person's problem goes way beyond promiscuity.
beebo - I would say my friend could be called promiscuous. She has had many partners and was never very particular, although I will say that when she gets into a relationship she stops sleeping around and she is not a user - in fact she attracts lots of needy guys and ends up taking care of them. I am friends with her because I love her for who she is with me. She never brings grief to our relationship, in fact she's an absolute inspiration in her career, her life, her family and friends, and I respect her perhaps more than I do many others I've had the pleasure to be aquainted with. While she acts in this promiscuous way and I may not identify with the behavior it is rather charming and undeliberate because her personality is such that she is not out there searching for men - they are attracted to her (in fact I cannot go out with her without men chatting her up) and seem to swarm. While she is beautiful - it is her fabulously bubbly personality that gets them.
I wouldn't change her for the world. I love her flaws and all, just as she loves me with my many flaws.
