Jesus, Diane - I'm so sorry. I can't believe it. And what you're going through. My heart goes out to you, hon. I'm so, so sad. And you know if there's anything I can do, even just listen... let me know.
When my grandson died, I eventually found something to help me. Here it is
A Hopi Prayer
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet white doves in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.