Thu 20 Jan, 2011 01:26 pm
So, my boyfriend is the man-of-honor at his best friend's upcoming wedding in April. Being from Miami, he is traveling to Miami to host the bachelor party. He is in charge of planning the party and has planned for the guys to go to a strip club. Of course, I'm not thrilled at the idea of my boyfriend going to a strip club with a bunch of guys, getting drunk, and seeing naked women (or worse, getting lap dances). He and I have talked about it and I know that I can trust him and we love each other, but I still hate the idea of it. I'm not going to tell him not to do it, because that's unrealistic and I don't want to be controlling.
How should I deal with it without being an overbearing girlfriend? I'm not going to stop him from doing what he wants, but it still makes me upset.
@rmg1203,
rmg1203 wrote:
So, my boyfriend is the man-of-honor at his best friend's upcoming wedding in April. Being from Miami, he is traveling to Miami to host the bachelor party. He is in charge of planning the party and has planned for the guys to go to a strip club. Of course, I'm not thrilled at the idea of my boyfriend going to a strip club with a bunch of guys, getting drunk, and seeing naked women (or worse, getting lap dances). He and I have talked about it and I know that I can trust him and we love each other, but I still hate the idea of it. I'm not going to tell him not to do it, because that's unrealistic and I don't want to be controlling.
How should I deal with it without being an overbearing girlfriend? I'm not going to stop him from doing what he wants, but it still makes me upset.
You're not wrong to be upset. You're correct that it's tough to give him a hard time about it, as it would put him between a rock and a hard place.
Accepting the fact that you're not wrong to be upset is a good first step to getting over being upset.
I also like to ask myself: is this something that will matter in a few weeks? A few months? A few years? If the answer to those questions is no, then you can forget about beating yourself up over it with worry now.
Cycloptichorn
@rmg1203,
I think the best way to deal with it is accepting that it is a male bonding ritual that men do for certain situations (like bachelor parties) or that they feel it's expected of them at certain points in their lives.
I know a few girls that enjoy going to strip clubs with their husbands/boyfriends. Maybe an outing like that would ease your mind as to what actually goes on in a club.
@rmg1203,
That is how Jennifer Lopez lost Ben Affleck. Her interfering sister made a mountain of a mole hill.
@rmg1203,
So what exactly is there to 'deal' with here?
Going to a strip club is better than having strippers come to a private party.
But I'm not one to honor this kind of "last rites" celebration.
Can't they think up a different way to celebrate?
He's an idiot. Going to a strip club is like going to a restaurant and paying to look at the food. He needs to grow up.
@rmg1203,
rmg1203 wrote:How should I deal with it without being an overbearing girlfriend? I'm not going to stop him from doing what he wants, but it still makes me upset.
Dump this POS dickweed. You can do better.
@Setanta,
People spend money on lots of stupid stuff, though. It's his money to spend, presumably.
As long as he's not having a relationship or sex with the strippers, I don't see what the problem is.
@DrewDad,
Yeah. Maybe he's supposed to work up a bachelor party at the art museum?
@rmg1203,
Firstly, relax.
Strippers are not hookers. Strippers have lives and are not interested in your boyfriend. They like his money. That's it.
Most men know this.
It's a night out with the boys. I've bartended so many of these parties. Most men don't turn in to raving horn dogs. Sure they see a little t&a and drink a little too much but the vast majority go home with their honour intact. Maybe not the stomach or wallet contents.
Your boyfriend loves you.
He's told you about this, he isn't hiding if from you. He's probably seen naked women, watched strippers before but he chose to live his life with you.
So trust him.
and let it go...
@roger,
roger wrote:
Yeah. Maybe he's supposed to work up a bachelor party at the art museum?
Hey, mine was at an art museum!
The exhibit was entitled
Reproductions of Famous Historical sets of Titties. I wasn't all that impressed until we, uh, got, to the Helen of Troy exhibit. The unveiling was breathtaking.
Cycloptichorn
@Setanta,
Quote:He's an idiot. Going to a strip club is like going to a restaurant and paying to look at the food. He needs to grow up.
You would prefer a brothel?
Such prudes on this thread!
First, men like to look at naked women. This has been true since before we started making fertility dolls and painting on cave walls. This fact has driven art commerce and literature for centuries and in modern times naked women were the cutting edge of internet business.
Let this man be a man.
Second, if you are at all worried about your man taking another lover, a strip club is the safest place for him to be. Believe me, he is 100 times more likely to meet a romantic interest at an art museum than in a strip club.
Seriously, if your boyfriend wants to go to a strip club to support his friend, or for any other reason, it should be no big deal.
@Setanta,
Does anyone here watch the Food Network?
@maxdancona,
Definitely not Setanta (he leaves the room).
@rmg1203,
Listen to Ceili; she's a smart cookie.
@rmg1203,
Quote:How should I deal with it without being an overbearing girlfriend? I'm not going to stop him from doing what he wants
i'd ask him if the groom has stated that he wants his bucks night in some tawdry hole
i'd be tempted to ask him if he'd mind if you go to a male stripper evening then spend the nite at a friends place
@rmg1203,
I can see how this could bother you.
That is probably unavoidable.
The way you see your boyfriend's intentions could make a great difference in how you deal with those feelings.
Your boyfriend is standing up for his friend, taking part in the ritual of his upcoming marriage. That is a really good intention, and says something admirable about his character. Keeping that in mind might help you to deal with this better. If he's willing to stand up for his friend, he's investing effort in this, I think you can rest assured he'll do the same for you.
@wayne,
I don't think she wants him to take her to a strip bar...
but I'm confused.
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