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Boyfriend going to strip club

 
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Sat 22 Jan, 2011 10:51 am
@Lash,
Lash wrote:
About "her not being happy about it": If a drop dead gorgeous, young, available woman were to be hired - and seated next to him at work, and he was asked to take her under his wing, watch her closely during the training period and be on hand for any lil ole question she might have, I bet girlfriend wouldn't be happy about that, either.

These things happen. Sometimes your feeling of discomfort over an issue should be dealt with by YOU. Assess and make the call - is this something to discuss, or is this something I need to deal with?

I promise. This is something you need to deal with.
I remember in the 1970s, my girlfriend, Alice,
did not want me to go to a Star Trek Convention.





David
Lash
 
  1  
Reply Sat 22 Jan, 2011 10:59 am
@OmSigDAVID,
Did you go?
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Sat 22 Jan, 2011 11:03 am
@Lash,
Lash wrote:
Did you go?
I woud not miss THAT! Thay were spectacular; something special in life.
MINDblowing is an understatement.


Someone said that life is a sequence of special events, strung together by boredom.





David
Lash
 
  1  
Reply Sat 22 Jan, 2011 11:04 am
@Lash,
I guess dealing with it alone is to ask yourself why you don't trust him. Has he established a pattern of shady, cheaty behavior? Are you uncomfortable with him seeing beautiful bodies because you're unhappy with your body in comparison? Do you have some serious control or trust issues that he hasn't done anything to deserve?

Cyclo is right. Figure out WHY you feel this way. Then, do something about it.
Lash
 
  1  
Reply Sat 22 Jan, 2011 11:04 am
@OmSigDAVID,
How did you and Alice work it out? Or did you?
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Sat 22 Jan, 2011 11:09 am
@Lash,
Lash wrote:
How did you and Alice work it out? Or did you?
She refused my repeated invitations. I can 't help that.

The Convention only took Friday - Sunday,
after which space resumed its normal shape.





David
Lash
 
  2  
Reply Sat 22 Jan, 2011 11:11 am
@OmSigDAVID,
haha...loved Star Trek. Kirk was such a chubby love machine.
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Sat 22 Jan, 2011 11:15 am
@Lash,
Lash wrote:
haha...loved Star Trek. Kirk was such a chubby love machine.
He was CONTROVERSIAL. At one of the conventions,
he told us in the audience to "get a life."
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  4  
Reply Sat 22 Jan, 2011 03:22 pm
@Lash,
Lash wrote:

I guess dealing with it alone is to ask yourself why you don't trust him. Has he established a pattern of shady, cheaty behavior? Are you uncomfortable with him seeing beautiful bodies because you're unhappy with your body in comparison? Do you have some serious control or trust issues that he hasn't done anything to deserve?

Cyclo is right. Figure out WHY you feel this way. Then, do something about it.


Thinking about it, it's an insecurity issue on her part. If she were completely confident about his love for her, his desire for her, her woman-ness, her place in his life, she wouldn't mind him looking at 100 strippers. This is all fear-based. Maybe he'll see a really attractive woman and will start thinking about her inadequacies, sort of thing.

Really, the way he behaves the other 99.99% of the time is the key indicator.
George
 
  2  
Reply Sat 22 Jan, 2011 04:40 pm
@Mame,
But she said, "He and I have talked about it and I know that I can trust him."
Don't you believe her?
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Sat 22 Jan, 2011 05:04 pm
@George,
talks cheap.
George
 
  3  
Reply Sat 22 Jan, 2011 05:10 pm
@chai2,
You've obviously never retained a lawyer.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 22 Jan, 2011 05:25 pm
@Finn dAbuzz,
I haven't read past this post, so I'm late.

I went to Chippendales (on Overland) with girlfriends, on one of the girlfriends' birthdays. None of those guys interested me. That was the same friend who dragged us (aka, me) to a David Copperfield magic show. (I live with a magic yawn).

Some years later, I caught on that one of my teachers and (now) a longtime good friend had been a chippendale dancer. He's as gay as the fourth of July. I met him again recently with his partner. He's still a f/handsome devil. I have no idea if he was in that show I saw.
So, to rmg1203 -
Let it go.

It's theater.
0 Replies
 
LAURIEM
 
  1  
Reply Thu 24 Mar, 2011 04:48 pm
First of all, this whole theory of men/bachelors going to a strip club as being "normal" before they get married was all generated from guess who? MEN! They have brainwashed women into thinking this is their "entitlement" to do so as their "last hurrah"...bullshit! Its like they expect their fiancee' to accept it because its part of the wedding process or something. Let me tell you....IT'S NOT! They have told this 'story" for years so we all have it beat into our heads that its part of the process before geting married. But, in return, WE the ladies are supposed to be all prim & proper...and have a well behaved wedding shower and tea? Again - BULLSHIT! What's good for the goose, is good for the gander....unfortunately, MOST women have a conscience and won't go lust over another man (or men) before their wedding day..they won't do that to their man..they have respect. Plain & simple - if your man really cares for you, respects you and loves you - he won't do this to you. If it hurts your feelings and you are dreading the bachelor party - then TELL HIM you don't want him going, having strippers, etc....if he respects you, he will go out with the guys, have "guy" time - OTHER than at a strip club. It's NOT necessary to go to a strip club before they get married. If THEY have asked YOU to marry them, then the commitment has started, and they should respect you and not go. If YOU are the woman they want in their life, then that should be all. I told my husband - YOU asked ME to marry YOU....then you need to respect my wishes as I do to you. Now - I have been married for 24 years...my husband doesn't go to strip clubs and hasn't since hes been single....and even then he only went when it was a buddy getting married...and btw - I disliked it then, but he was single & we weren't engaged, so it wasn't my place to tell him what to do. Ladies - don't put up with the BS that guys feed you that they are entitled to go to a strip club & get lap dances or whatever....before they marry....what a line and a bunch of crap...put your foot down, and if he doesn't respect you to not go...then dump him & call it off. You will have lifelong problems with this if you allow it now. Take it from a woman who has been married 24 years and has a husband who respects her every single day. Hence, the reason we have been married so long. Men who go to strip clubs go there because they lust after ALL women...not just you....get a clue. If they can't respect you over this, you don't want them in your life...you will have this same problem all throughout your marriage...they are plenty of respectful fish in the sea. Trust me!
maxdancona
 
  5  
Reply Thu 24 Mar, 2011 06:13 pm
@LAURIEM,
Quote:
They have brainwashed women into thinking this is their "entitlement" to do so


Of course men are entitled. Why shouldn't men be entitled to do whatever they want to do? Marriage is not slavery. This is an very interesting use of the word "brainwash" to describe someone resisting your attempt to control them.

Quote:
WE the ladies are supposed to be all prim & proper...and have a well behaved wedding shower and tea?


What ever gave you that idea? I don't expect that.

Quote:
I told my husband - YOU asked ME to marry YOU....then you need to respect my wishes as I do to you.


That doesn't sound like a good start to a respectful marriage.

Quote:
Men who go to strip clubs go there because they lust after ALL women.


All men, including your husband, lust after women (unless they are lusting after men). Your husband might be obedient (or he might just be a good liar). An obedient man might not go to a strip club, but there is no question that he is lusting after other woman. That's how men are built. Ask him.

Good marriages are made of love, and commitment and devotion. Being neutered is not part of the bargain.

Quote:
they are plenty of respectful fish in the sea.


But who wants to be married to a fish.

It might be the case that you have a workable marriage even with the tight controls you put on your husband. But not all marriages have to be like yours.

There are plenty of great marriages where there is freedom and respect. If my wife wants to go to a strip club, it doesn't bother me. I don't want a "prim and proper" wife, I want a real woman who knows how to enjoy life.

Don't confuse control with love and devotion.












boomerang
 
  3  
Reply Thu 24 Mar, 2011 07:27 pm
@maxdancona,
Quote:
But who wants to be married to a fish.


Thank you, max, for what might only not be the best laugh I've had all day but maybe even all week.

This person's post hit me in a bad way and I was having a hard time even think of how to respond to it politely.

My friend S. was over yesterday.... I've known her for 10 years and nobody could imagine a better friend... or wife... or mother. She manages a strip club. She would give you a big round of applause (and maybe tuck a few dollars in your boxers) for that reply.
0 Replies
 
 

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