31
   

I need help with a lie.

 
 
IRFRANK
 
  1  
Reply Sun 26 Dec, 2010 03:04 pm
@Krumple,
Quote:
hey Frank I disagree with you here because I think you are neglecting one major aspect to generosity. There is a cost associated with generosity despite what some might try to claim, there is. The part you are missing is that any time you exercise generosity you are actually giving up something, like time, labor, money, space, ect.

Now that might seem obvious, but what you are trying to insist when you say;

"I think you need some lessons in what it means to actually help others, including your friend and that it's not always convenient."

You are basically saying that he is obligated to make a sacrifice of time, labor, space to his friend. That one should always accommodate a friend when ever they need it. But that is not the healthy thing to do, sure it might be thoughtful or admirable but it is not always healthy to always make sacrifices for others. When you give too much, you can leave yourself short of what you need for yourself and that can cause problems that are unnecessary.

He clearly pointed out why he couldn't accommodate his friend and he was specifically saying the cost was too high. He needed this time for recouping and if he isn't able to have this time, it might cause problems for him later. It is a legitimate self concern and one I think some extremely generous people often neglect to consider until they find they have spent all their ability and they wind up in their own problems.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with weighing the costs for being generous and then making the decision of weather or not you are willing to. You should never feel obligated to help someone because you call them a friend.



An interesting point and I think a valid discussion. There are a few factors that need to be considered. My point was that being generous or giving is not always just what is convenient. If you only give that which you can afford to give, then I don't think you are giving much. Now, if you have a lot, like the Gates Foundation, or Ted Turner or others and give a great deal, then I would say that is wonderful. And they actually spend a lot of their own time and money making sure their gifts are efficient and given in a way that benefits the most. But in a personal sense, you give when it's needed, not just when it's convenient. My daughter often asks me to babysit my grandchildren. She has two boys, which are a handful. I try to be available whenever I can, not just when it is convenient to me. Sometimes it is very rewarding to be with those boys, other times very frustrating. You have to appreciate the pleasure and accept the pain without complaint. I also see it as a cost issue, as you mention. It may cost me some time and effort, I would rather take a nap, but some time away from 'the boys' for my daughter is worth a great deal more to her. It's something I can give to her that means a lot more to her than it costs me.

Now, another concern is the 'enabling' issue. This is another matter. If the recipient of the giving takes advantage of the situation, or uses the benefit for poor reasons, then it may be better to not give. One certainly has to be careful to not enable others bad behavior, thinking you are helping.

I see your point. Helping vs. being taken advantage of are two different things that sometimes look the same. But, I think the person that errors on the side of helping makes the better mistake.

I made my comment in response to my perceived opinion that the giver liked the idea of giving, but when it got more 'expensive' turned away. I think that the term 'give until it hurts' has some merit. Otherwise it's just superficial.

Sure there is a cost to generosity. But look at it as an investment in karma.
If there is not much investment, don't expect much of a return.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 26 Dec, 2010 03:09 pm
Meantime, what I know about Kicky and some of you don't because of relative length of time here on a2k, is that Kicky is a very generous person with a soft heart (belied by some playfully obnoxioso posts).

But in the abstract, it's an interesting discussion between Krumple and IRFrank, both posters I appreciate.

Ok, that's enough niceness from me for the day.
0 Replies
 
Lambchop
 
  1  
Reply Sun 26 Dec, 2010 03:58 pm
@Green Witch,
No problem, Green Witch. I just wondered if I had missed something somewhere. (Wouldn't be the first time!)
0 Replies
 
kickycan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 26 Dec, 2010 11:39 pm
@Lambchop,
Lambchop wrote:

Uh-oh. Did you know that NYC is expecting a big (really big) snowstorm today and into tomorrow? Supposed to get a foot-16" of snow. They're saying flights might be delayed, and they're also telling people to be prepared for power outages tonight and tomorrow. (I like to watch the Weather Channel!)

Hope you and friend are able to get there safely tonight. You might want to check with the airport before you leave for your flight.


Yeah, I did see that, and for me I don't think it will be a problem. I hate flying and all the bullshit that goes with it, so I'm taking the train.

My friend, however, may have a problem. But I don't think so, because I looked at the forecast earlier this evening and it looked like the weather will be clearing up by noon or so, and his flight isn't arriving until about eight o'clock.

I guess we'll see what happens.


ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Dec, 2010 08:46 am
@kickycan,
Looks like he'll be lucky if he can get in - and back out again.
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Dec, 2010 09:03 am
@kickycan,
and i would think, especially in a state where this is common...

if flights ARE delayed, he could rearrange the interview too.
There is no need to stress over it ( speaking of HIM.. ) when something is state wide like that ya know?

0 Replies
 
kickycan
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Dec, 2010 09:05 am
@ehBeth,
Yeah, his flight was canceled today, and I just read that JFK (where he will be arriving) is supposedly closed until 4PM today, at the earliest. Amtrak looks like it's still running on schedule though. At least I'll be able to get home today, though one more day with my family wouldn't have been such a bad thing anyway. My friend should be fine too, since his interview isn't until Wednesday morning. Things are working out just fine from my point of view.
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Dec, 2010 09:22 am
@kickycan,
Man, Kicky...you got some major power behind you. How did you DO that arranging for the storm to hit just then?
All hail, Kicky!
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Dec, 2010 09:24 am
@kickycan,
almost did not even NEED to say anything.. Shocked
kickycan
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Dec, 2010 09:28 am
@Ragman,
Ragman wrote:
How did you DO that arranging for the storm to hit just then?


Haha! Easy!

http://nanookofthesouth.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/snow_miser_211.jpg

Friends call me Snow Miser
What ever I touch
Turns to snow in my clutch
I'm too much!

0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Dec, 2010 09:38 am
@shewolfnm,
shewolfnm wrote:

almost did not even NEED to say anything.. Shocked


yeah, you wasted some perfectly good lies, and told the truth when it wasn't even necessary.

I hate when that happens.

Mr. Snow! I remember him!
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Dec, 2010 09:39 am
kicky's a new yawker .

he can do anything

though I dont know that i WANT to see what he did to mr frost to get THAT kind of a favor.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Dec, 2010 09:43 am
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Dec, 2010 10:06 am
@chai2,
that could be joe nation.....................

jusss sayin
0 Replies
 
 

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