31
   

I need help with a lie.

 
 
IRFRANK
 
  1  
Reply Sat 25 Dec, 2010 11:37 am
Lets see,

You want to be a good friend and be able to feel good about yourself so you think it's a good idea to extend some hospitality to your friend, but sheesh, it's just so inconvenient that it occurs when you want your alone time.

I mean, what's so great about sacrificing for others if it comes at the wrong time?

So the easy thing to do is to lie about it. I mean, a lies ok if you don't get caught.

Well, damn, turns out the friend really does need some of MY space at the wrong time. Gosh, I didn't want to be that hospitable.

Well, what I need is another lie to cover for the first one.

I think you need some lessons in what it means to actually help others, including your friend and that it's not always convenient.

Also, maybe the first lie wasn't such a good idea. Maybe they are never a good idea.

Sorry if this all seems kind of harsh. I just didn't know how else to say it.

kickycan
 
  4  
Reply Sat 25 Dec, 2010 12:41 pm
@IRFRANK,
Obviously you haven't read the whole thread, so I'll forgive your harshness. Except for the part about me needing lessons on what it means to actually help others, I agree with you, and have since righted this wrong.

Happy holidays to you.
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sat 25 Dec, 2010 04:01 pm
@IRFRANK,
Hey Frank, did you read that this friend stayed with kicky five or six
times already? Probably not, otherwise you would have held back with your
tirade. Didn't get the right Christmas present, or what's the rant all about?
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 25 Dec, 2010 06:12 pm
@CalamityJane,
I think IRFrank didn't know that.

I think of kick as a soft heart of molten gold mixed with asshole for balance, but that the asshole part doesn't add up, so he needs us as a bolster.


Really, CJane, kicky is hard to figure re one post, or, ok, thirty, but he is wily good. Just about no one I love more on a2k.

ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 25 Dec, 2010 06:17 pm
@ossobuco,
Ignore that, Kicky.
IRFRANK
 
  1  
Reply Sat 25 Dec, 2010 07:05 pm
@kickycan,
Yes, I thought that might happen. I'm glad it was a learning experience.

Hey, it just proves you're human, like the rest of us.

I apologize for being so harsh, I should have read all the posts.

Believe me, I've done worse.

aze1526
 
  1  
Reply Sun 26 Dec, 2010 01:28 am
I know you've heard this over and over again and probably won't even consider this, but telling the truth saves lots of trouble. I know you probably don't believe it, but letting people know the direct situation saves up lots of time and frustration. You could simply state the fact that you prefer to be away from people during your vacations so you can enjoy them independently, and he needs to respect your privacy. In addition, you can further explain that you consider it an impertinence to have his consistent company during your days off. If it's an intrusion on your personal schedule, then he needs to know where to draw the line or else he's going to remain with the idea that he's welcome at any given interval. Making excuses will only temporarily buy you time to yourself, since there are going to be other interviews in the future with him thinking he can walk into your living space when he feels it's most convenient. Let him know he can't visit when it's inconvenient for you, since it's YOUR property and you can do what you wish with it.
All in all, just stand up for yourself. This guy is walking all over you and taking advantage of you; and you're letting it in two different ways. One: You allow him to come at times you do not desire his presence. And Two: You allow the situation he creates to cause you unnecessary stress by trying to follow and fabricate lies. You are in control of your life and decisions: Do not give him the power to even slightly dictate over them.
kickycan
 
  2  
Reply Sun 26 Dec, 2010 09:53 am
@ossobuco,
ossobuco wrote:

Ignore that, Kicky.


Which part? I hope you don't mean the part about you loving me, because I LOVE YOU TOO, you beautiful little A2K angel of sweetness!!!
0 Replies
 
kickycan
 
  2  
Reply Sun 26 Dec, 2010 10:00 am
@IRFRANK,
No problem. I can tell that you have good intentions by some of the other posts I've seen from you.

Thanks for your thoughts. And don't hold back if you feel like calling me an a-hole in the future if you think I deserve it. I don't let those things bother me. Everyone has their a-hole moments and their sweetheart moments. We are all many different things.
0 Replies
 
kickycan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 26 Dec, 2010 10:05 am
@aze1526,
It's all settled already, but what you wrote was right on target. I've come clean, I've not lost a friend, nor even had any kind of fight over it. He understood completely. I am helping him out by letting him stay a couple nights instead of for his whole trip, so I will still get a few days to myself, and he's got a place to stay for the rest of the time. No worries. Thanks for your input.
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Sun 26 Dec, 2010 10:06 am
@kickycan,
awww

look at kicky..
being all nice and sweet

you should come and sit on my lap and tell me allllll the bad things you have done.
:0)
kickycan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 26 Dec, 2010 10:08 am
@shewolfnm,
I'll be right there! Ummm... I assume this is all going to be done in the nude, right?
Lambchop
 
  2  
Reply Sun 26 Dec, 2010 11:52 am
@kickycan,
Uh-oh. Did you know that NYC is expecting a big (really big) snowstorm today and into tomorrow? Supposed to get a foot-16" of snow. They're saying flights might be delayed, and they're also telling people to be prepared for power outages tonight and tomorrow. (I like to watch the Weather Channel!)

Hope you and friend are able to get there safely tonight. You might want to check with the airport before you leave for your flight.
Green Witch
 
  1  
Reply Sun 26 Dec, 2010 12:31 pm
@Lambchop,
What post did you read? This thread is becoming like that old game of Telephone.
Lambchop
 
  2  
Reply Sun 26 Dec, 2010 12:47 pm
@Green Witch,
I thought he said in his op that he would be flying back to NYC on the 27th (tomorrow), and that's when his friend would get there too.
But since they're going to have a big snowstorm in NYC today and into tomorrow, I wanted to let him know that his flight might be delayed. (They've already cancelled several flights into NYC for this afternoon and evening.)
When you stop to think about all the people who fly into NYC on a daily basis, it could be a big mess if they have to cancel and delay flights. Eech!
Why, did I misunderstand something?
Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Sun 26 Dec, 2010 12:55 pm
@Lambchop,
You're right for the warning about NYC weather and flights. Current forecasts are talking about 100s of flights cancelled now and through Monday.
Lambchop
 
  2  
Reply Sun 26 Dec, 2010 12:58 pm
@Ragman,
Yes, I'm watching the Weather Channel right now, and it looks like it's already snowing a lot in NYC.
We lucked out here in Maryland. I think we're only going to get 3-4 inches. Looks like New Jersey, New York City, and Boston are going to catch the brunt of this storm. Brrr!
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Sun 26 Dec, 2010 01:06 pm
@Lambchop,
Philly also after 6pm
0 Replies
 
Krumple
 
  1  
Reply Sun 26 Dec, 2010 01:12 pm
@IRFRANK,
hey Frank I disagree with you here because I think you are neglecting one major aspect to generosity. There is a cost associated with generosity despite what some might try to claim, there is. The part you are missing is that any time you exercise generosity you are actually giving up something, like time, labor, money, space, ect.

Now that might seem obvious, but what you are trying to insist when you say;

"I think you need some lessons in what it means to actually help others, including your friend and that it's not always convenient."

You are basically saying that he is obligated to make a sacrifice of time, labor, space to his friend. That one should always accommodate a friend when ever they need it. But that is not the healthy thing to do, sure it might be thoughtful or admirable but it is not always healthy to always make sacrifices for others. When you give too much, you can leave yourself short of what you need for yourself and that can cause problems that are unnecessary.

He clearly pointed out why he couldn't accommodate his friend and he was specifically saying the cost was too high. He needed this time for recouping and if he isn't able to have this time, it might cause problems for him later. It is a legitimate self concern and one I think some extremely generous people often neglect to consider until they find they have spent all their ability and they wind up in their own problems.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with weighing the costs for being generous and then making the decision of weather or not you are willing to. You should never feel obligated to help someone because you call them a friend.
Green Witch
 
  1  
Reply Sun 26 Dec, 2010 02:01 pm
@Lambchop,
I didn't mean to sound like I was picking on you, Lambchop. It just seemed like an odd turn from the topic of lying to a friend to giving a weather report and flight information. This thread has zig zagged on and off in a rather odd way. Carry on.
 

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