12
   

I can't tell if he's having an orgasm without ejaculation, or if maybe I just really suck at oral.

 
 
Reply Sun 1 Aug, 2010 10:54 pm
No pun intended.

I've attempted to give my boyfriend oral sex several times. I'm entirely new to everything, because I've never been physical with anyone else. He hasn't been physical with anyone else either, so he can't really give me any experienced advice. I've never been able to get any reactions out of him, up until a couple of days ago. I used to just lick and use my hand (badly, meaning i don't even know how to use my hand, because I haven't given him a h.j.) But the other day I tried literally sucking, like, creating a vacuum with my mouth. I managed to get some incredible reactions from him. He was squirming and moaning and all that good stuff, but he also kept laughing. I know it was because he was embarrassed. He even told me he was embarrassed and it was causing him to laugh. Then, because he was laughing, I would begin to laugh, and I'd playfully tell him to shut up or I would threaten to bite him (or threaten to just stop in general) so I could concentrate on what I was doing.

After about an ENTIRE HOUR he still hadn't come. The reaction lasted the entire time, and it was very...much like a seizure, except there was no release. Of anything. Not semen..not even tension. He described one part of it as a tickling sensation. He says that he hasn't ever experienced that kind of sensation (meaning the entire sensation of the whole hour, not just the tickling.) He has masturbated before, but not much, and he doesn't "jack off." He rubs the base of the penis. Apparently that causes him to "come" as far as he can tell, but it's always just enough to run down his leg a little, and he's not actually ever sure if he's ever really come.

What the heck. Please help. Am I terrible at everything in that I've never been able to get him to come, or do you think that my playful yelling may have caused him so much stress that he couldn't come? Could he have been having orgasms all those times he masturbated, but... just hadn't ever had an orgasm quite as strong as the one I gave him? Is the tickling sensation normal? Could I maybe just have stopped too soon? I mean, I kept on for like an hour, but with the giggling and the embarrassment/fear, maybe I needed to wait until he got comfortable? Also, do you think that maybe he has been having what is called "retrograde ejaculation" ?


PLEASE help. I'm very confused, and so is he.
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Type: Question • Score: 12 • Views: 6,939 • Replies: 109

 
View best answer, chosen by questionableasker
questionableasker
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 Aug, 2010 12:32 am
@questionableasker,
seriously?

won't anyone try to help me?
aidan
 
  -3  
Reply Mon 2 Aug, 2010 12:49 am
@questionableasker,
How can you be 'playfully yelling' at the same time you're giving oral sex?

Not saying I have all the answers, but my first thought is that if you're constantly or consistently able to engage in 'laughing' or 'playful yelling' you may be interrupting the applied stimulation too often for the momentum to build to the point that the young man orgasms.

But more importantly, why would you tell all your boyfriend's private business on a public forum? Don't you have a friend you can ask? If I knew my boyfriend or husband was making all my reactions to sex - which is and should be private between two people- public and open for discussion with strangers - I'd be really upset.

Have you asked him if you can make him the subject of such a delicate question on a public internet forum?

Your name is a good fit - I'd say for sure you're a questionable asker in that your sense of discretion is most definitely questionable.
OmSigDAVID
 
  2  
Reply Mon 2 Aug, 2010 12:57 am
@aidan,
aidan wrote:
How can you be 'playfully yelling' at the same time you're giving oral sex?

Not saying I have all the answers, but my first thought is that if you're constantly or consistently able to engage in 'laughing' or 'playful yelling' you may be interrupting the applied stimulation too often for the momentum to build to the point that the young man orgasms.

But more importantly, why would you tell all your boyfriend's private business on a public forum? Don't you have a friend you can ask? If I knew my boyfriend or husband was making all my reactions to sex - which is and should be private between two people- public and open for discussion with strangers - I'd be really upset.

Have you asked him if you can make him the subject of such a delicate question on a public internet forum?

Your name is a good fit - I'd say for sure you're a questionable asker in that your sense of discretion is most definitely questionable.
How do your objections apply
to an anonymous forum ?
aidan
 
  0  
Reply Mon 2 Aug, 2010 01:20 am
@OmSigDAVID,
I wouldn't have any problem at all with it if I knew that she'd asked or even told the young man that she was going to go into graphic detail as to his every small physical and emotional reaction to sexual stimulation with a bunch of strangers and made sure that he was okay with that.

But if she hasn't, I think that's an abuse of his trust in her. When you have sex with someone - or rather I'll just speak for myself here-when I have sex with someone, I don't expect and wouldn't appreciate that person getting up from the bed and going to the computer and giving a play-by-play to a bunch of strangers.
It's along the same lines of using discretion and maturity in real life. You don't expect the person to get up from the bed and go over to the pub and tell all his friends about it. Even if his friends don't know ME - it's still an abuse of my trust in his sense of maturity and discretion if he does that.

Maybe some people are okay with 'kiss and tell' and using the 'need' to ask questions or for advice as an excuse to make their sexual problems public. But what she needs to keep in mind is that when she makes her problems public - she's also graphically making her boyfriend's problems public.

But I know I'm probably in the minority here. People take and post pictures of their private business now - and make it public for everyone to see. That doesn't mean I don't still believe in appropriate sexual discretion. And I feel good about advocating that for young people.
Everything shouldn't be public. Some things retain more of their intrinsic value if/when they're kept private.

And it's not just sex - for instance- I wouldn't talk about my childrens' personal issues or problems on this forum with any amount of depth or detail without first asking them if they minded. I think that's just a matter of respect. And I can tell you that my children WOULD feel their privacy was invaded if I ever did- that's why I don't.
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Mon 2 Aug, 2010 02:17 am
Go get the book, read it, try out the suggestions. If you still have a problem then we should talk

Quote:
How to Give a Mind-Blowing BJ [Hardcover]

Product Description
All you ever wanted and needed to know about how to give a blowjob, from basic moves to multitasking. Men are suckers for blowjobs. According to The Hite Report, almost all the 7,000+ men polled listed fellatio as their favorite pastime. Unfortunately, many women don't have the first idea how to handle a penis. They grab, fumble, and then give up. This book offers no-skip steps to a knock-em dead blowjob that he'll love to get and you'll love to give.

http://www.amazon.com/How-Give-Mind-Blowing-Lisa-Sussman/dp/1847320147
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  2  
Reply Mon 2 Aug, 2010 02:24 am
@aidan,
U anticipate that the boyfriend or the poster will be identified ?
aidan
 
  -3  
Reply Mon 2 Aug, 2010 02:46 am
@OmSigDAVID,
No - but does she have his permission to use his specific reaction - even anonymously- as a basis for public conversation?

If she has his permission - fine. If she doesn't, I think it's disrespectful of her to talk about him as if he were some sort of anonymous participant in her research.
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 Aug, 2010 02:54 am
@aidan,
aidan wrote:
No - but does she have his permission to use
his specific reaction - even anonymously- as a basis for public conversation?

If she has his permission - fine.
If she doesn't, I think it's disrespectful of her
to talk about him as if he were some sort of anonymous participant in her research.
He IS an anonymous participant.
aidan
 
  0  
Reply Mon 2 Aug, 2010 03:03 am
@OmSigDAVID,
To us, yes- but not by his own choice or volition. Do you think that's right? Because I don't think he should be objectified and made into one (an anonymous 'subject') by or to her - without his permission- which is what she is doing when she tells HIS private business on a public forum without HIS permission.

You don't have to agree with me, but I feel strongly that it is disrespectful to people to make their private business public without their express permission.

I would advise all young people to have more respect for themselves and others than is shown by taking another person's problem and making it the basis of a discussion that they may feel uncomfortable with.

I wouldn't even do it with my OWN problems-but that at least is this girl's right. If she'd just said, 'I can't give a blow-job without laughing' - big deal. But she made her boyfriend and his reaction the center of HER post. If she asked him and he said, 'Yeah, that's fine,' there's no issue. But if she didn't - I think she should next time.

That's all I'm saying. Do you think young people should not be encouraged to use manners David?

OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 Aug, 2010 03:39 am
@aidan,
aidan wrote:
To us, yes- but not by his own choice or volition. Do you think that's right? Because I don't think he should be objectified and made into one (an anonymous 'subject') by or to her - without his permission- which is what she is doing when she tells HIS private business on a public forum without HIS permission.

You don't have to agree with me, but I feel strongly that it is disrespectful to people to make their private business public without their express permission.

I would advise all young people to have more respect for themselves and others than is shown by taking another person's problem and making it the basis of a discussion that they may feel uncomfortable with.

I wouldn't even do it with my OWN problems-but that at least is this girl's right. If she'd just said, 'I can't give a blow-job without laughing' - big deal. But she made her boyfriend and his reaction the center of HER post. If she asked him and he said, 'Yeah, that's fine,' there's no issue. But if she didn't - I think she should next time.

That's all I'm saying. Do you think young people should not be encouraged to use manners David?
I don 't understand what objection he can possibly raise,
how he can claim to have been damaged since he has not been identified.

By your reasoning, I can 't properly mention that:
" I know someone who did thus and so "
unless I have the permission of the perpetrator; right ??
jespah
 
  7  
Reply Mon 2 Aug, 2010 06:40 am
I think asking on an anonymous forum would be far preferable to asking a friend.

Anyway -- let's stay on topic, shall we?

I suspect there were too many interruptions to get the deed really accomplished. Also, with all the embarrassment and whatnot, I get the feeling there was a fear of being caught aspect to the whole thing. While that can be stimulating to some people, to others the fear is downright offputting.

There may also be a need for additional stimulus (e. g. your hands -- which you've tried, but try doing what he does when he masturbates).

You may need to try this a few times and a few different ways. I cannot say what should be an orgasm for him as, well, I'm not him (I'm not even male). What is standard for one is not going to be standard for another.

Bottom line: practice, and with fewer distractions and without a time constraint. But I would also say -- an hour is probably excessive.
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Mon 2 Aug, 2010 07:06 am
Laughter is a wonderful thing during sex (if it's not laughing AT someone, but with them)

Being able to relax enough to be silly with the other person means you're comfortable and trust each other.

Remember, when the 2 of you are alone together, there's no one else around to be concerned if you're "doing it right"

Maybe I have a good imagination, but I have no problem in seeing how someone could be "yelling" or laughing with someone when their partners penis is in there mouth.
May not be particularly intelligible, but what does that matter, if you're both enjoying being with each other?

Yes a man can have an orgasm without ejaculating.

Laugh and be silly with each other. It builds a bond. You'll know when to stop laughing when you bodies get more aroused. You won't even have to think about it.
parados
 
  3  
Reply Mon 2 Aug, 2010 07:14 am
@jespah,
Quote:
But I would also say -- an hour is probably excessive.

It all depends on how it is done. An hour of sucking like a vacuum cleaner would be excessive.

The goal is enjoyment, not necessarily ejaculation. An hour of fondling, licking, kissing etc isn't always excessive. Sometimes it's called foreplay.

I assume you are both young. That this teenage boy doesn't ejaculate just thinking about you touching him let alone shooting off the minute you touch him makes him a rare specimen. That raises the issue of whether he might have a medical condition of some kind based on your description of how he ejaculates even on his own.

Based on the title - It is possible for a man to have an orgasm without ejaculation. Look up male multiple orgasm to get a better idea. They are rare but do occur.
0 Replies
 
Khethil
 
  3  
Reply Mon 2 Aug, 2010 07:36 am
Well, it is a very personal subject, but that notwithstanding. The question looks genuine, so here's what I'd say:

There are two possibilities, 1) Either he has a condition, issue or situation that precludes what you'd call 'normal' ejaculation -or- 2) There is something you're doing that's not "doing it" for him.

First thing I'd do is simply ask, though not while in the throws of a physical encounter; honestly and straightforwardly, if there's something you're doing wrong or could do better. If nothing's forthcoming, then ask about him and his history - who knows, maybe he has a condition that is slightly different than most men.

One more note; while it sounds like he was laughing first, this generally goes over very badly with men while engaged with that particularly activity. As for the whole situation; your solution lies in you two talking and learning.

Good luck
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 Aug, 2010 07:59 am
@chai2,
chai2 wrote:
Laughter is a wonderful thing during sex (if it's not laughing AT someone, but with them)

Being able to relax enough to be silly with the other person means you're comfortable and trust each other.

Remember, when the 2 of you are alone together, there's no one else around to be concerned if you're "doing it right"

Maybe I have a good imagination, but I have no problem in seeing how someone could be "yelling" or laughing
with someone when their partners penis is in there mouth.
May not be particularly intelligible, but what does that matter, if you're both enjoying being with each other?
Demosthenes was reputed to have practiced his oratory with stones in his mouth.
sozobe
 
  4  
Reply Mon 2 Aug, 2010 08:10 am
@questionableasker,
Dan Savage at Savage Love talks a lot about how people can get into ruts (no pun intended) when they masturbate -- they need things to go that particular way or its difficult for them to come.

Oral sex is definitely a skill, from your description I can see how it could have been pleasurable but too disjointed to result in an ejaculation. (A little of this, a little of that, a lot of pauses...)

It definitely sounds like you both are figuring things out, I can't speak for Hawkeye's book, but getting "The Joy of Sex" or something like that and then going ahead and practicing with a lot of communication with each other sounds like it would help.

I don't think that this one incident says much except that you're both inexperienced. Don't worry. Have fun! (I don't know your age and readiness, hope you're not super-young, my advice may change if so. Also use birth control, etc.) (He wasn't wearing a condom at the time, was he?)

P.S. You're using a pseudonym and not giving any identifiable information, I don't think you need to worry about your boyfriend's privacy. That's exactly the situation that this sort of forum is created for (asking something that you wouldn't want to ask your friends/ family).
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 Aug, 2010 09:22 am
@OmSigDAVID,
OmSigDAVID wrote:

Demosthenes was reputed to have practiced his oratory with stones in his mouth.


I would not hazard a guess where he got that idea from.
dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 Aug, 2010 09:41 am
@chai2,
Sarah Palin is reputed to practice her oratory with tea-bags in her mouth.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 Aug, 2010 09:57 am
@dyslexia,
Laughing Laughing
0 Replies
 
 

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