What do women look for in men Personality or Looks?

Is it the the idea of being dependent on a PARTNER or the idea of a man being dependent on a WOMAN?

Does it go both ways?

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I guess I was raised by wildasses, married to accountancy.

Apparently, and I have no interest to verify this, someone off the boat from county mayo was my great grandfather or maybe great great (it was a raft, according to my father telling me, and there were rafts, far as I researched), and worked in nebraska on the railroads. A geneologist friend chased further, and had dates off, and said he was lawyer ( a lawyer!!) at the silver mine thing in Idaho, which I might believe, re my uncle Felix being born there. Where it comes together, is that he - grandfather - had a hop farm (big news when I was a kid, but now seems to have been for five minutes) near Santa Rosa, in CA.

What do women look for in men?
Someone to parallel park the car!

LOL...my group had to make a video...we chose parallel parking...with the man finally rescuing us poor wimminfolk in the end...I was filming....he couldn't park. They didn't edit out my sarcastic remarks and laughter. "Thank God a MAN is here ..."

I used to be attracted initially by looks...then, I stopped using it as a litmus...got to know men I didn't consider attractive...started thinking about (and watching for) dependability, sense of humor... Then, devotion to children (his and mine) found it's way to the top of the priority list. Still like all that other stuff though. Who wants a good looking man who can't make you scream in bed? (cocks head, looks wistfully at point on ceiling)

Ooh, you guys are in trouble!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lc6U7JTkMXw

Let's see now...do I want a man?...or a Lexus?...a man?...or a Lexus?......

I wouldn't want to support a man either. And I really don't want to be supported by one. When I was in Catholic School, the nuns always said they never wanted government money because with the money comes regulation. There have been men in my life who tried to stop me from buying a couple of things for myself because they didn't like them or thought they were too expensive. Why someone would try to dictate to me what gloves I should wear and what color fleece vest I need is not to my liking.

yes, it does go both ways. I dislike dependency and co-dependency altogether.

I have tried it both ways, going through life as an individual and as part of a team. I prefer to be part of a team. I have also found that in life one needs to believe in something, or a few somethings....believing in the one that my heart wants makes sense to me, it is a form of believing in myself.

Years ago my wife and I were in therapy and we got the boilerplate lecture on dependency and co-dependency....we talked after, quickly deciding that the therapist was full of ....

She (the therapist) might have replied that you were in denial.

One definition of codependency:

As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in relationships with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. And the codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued unfulfillment.

Even when a codependent person encounters someone with healthy boundaries, the codependent person still operates in their own system; they’re not likely to get too involved with people who have healthy boundaries. This of course creates problems that continue to recycle; if codependent people can’t get involved with people who have healthy behaviors and coping skills, then the problems continue into each new relationship.
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Here's another:

Codependency or codependence is a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one's relationships and quality of life. It also often involves putting ones needs at a lower priority than others while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. [1] Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including in families, at work, in friendships, and also in romantic, peer or community relationships.[1] Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, and/or control patterns.[1]

Codependency describes behavior, thoughts and feelings that go beyond normal kinds of self-sacrifice or care taking. For example parenting is a role that requires a certain amount of self-sacrifice and giving a child's needs a high priority, although a parent could nevertheless still be codependent towards their own children if the care taking or parental sacrifice reached unhealthy or destructive levels.[1] Generally a parent who takes care of their own needs (emotional and physical) in a healthy way will be a better caretaker, whereas a codependent parent may be less effective, or may even do harm to a child.[1]

Codependency does not refer to all caring behavior or feelings, but only those that are excessive to an unhealthy degree.
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Doesn't sound like anything I want a part of.

I like Thomas Moore's (care of the soul) take....we are all screwed up in some way to some degree. All of this railing against unhealthy relationships is sanctimonious BS. If the relationship works for both people then the relationship works. Full. Stop. The "rules" might work for the people who wrote them, and they are free to follow them to the hilt, just as I am free to ignore them if I find it is my best interest to do so.

I am likely to try the rules, but in all areas of my life I make the final call, and if something does not work then it gets tossed into the trash, no matter how good it is supposed to be for me.

For the relationship to work the two people must be compatible with each other. How fucked up they are, or the relationship is, is completely irrelevant.

Were I a pro I would never get the details of the relationship so that I could figure out how "healthy" it is. I would ask both people if they are happy with the relationship, if the answer is yes then there is no work to be done. What works does not need to be fixed, when we "fix" things that work because we don't like how they look we are insane.

"if it aint broke don't fix it" is a life lesson that far too many people have never learned. This failure to learn accounts for a lot of the problems we face in this world today.

I guess Bonnie and Clyde were two f***ed people who got along fine to the end!

I understand where you're coming from with your point about if you're happy, it ain't broke, so why fix it, but ... the problems arise when one of the two realize they are co-dependent (as is the other, almost a given), and they no longer want to be... trying to make someone happy (or appease them) is co-dependent behaviour, for example. That can be exhausting as their feelings are not up to you. Trying to fix someone's problems is co-dependent behaviour, and again, their decisions are not up to you, so it can be draining. When one realizes what one is doing and stops it, that's stopping co-dependency. Which is where I sit.

You're codependent for sure if, when you die,
someone else's life flashes in front of your eyes.

in that case the relationship no longer works for both people. the choices are

1)one person change what they do or what they expect

2) both people change

3) end the relationship

4) wallow around in a dysfunctional relationship (defined by me as does not work....as apposed the the pro's who define it as not in the prescribed way)

Obviously if the relationship is to hold up over the long haul the solution must be #2 most of the time, or else each takes a turn taking one for the team, or they have a D/s relationship where one person is willing to do what the other says most of the time. So far as I am concerned what ever works, it is nobody else's business but for the two people involved.

What has had me pissed for over a decade is that we have a whole class of elites who are trying to convince everyone else that there is a wrong way to do relationship, which is every way other than the approved script way. I have had it up to my eyeballs with know it all bullies who insist that they know the one right way to do things, and that we are all going to Hell if we don't knuckle under. I once thought that we were done with this dark age BS a century ago.

What if...just suppose....I dont have personality or looks ? Is there a third thing they look for ? A third leg, perhaps ?

I have always found any man who obligingly & cheerfully washes the dishes ( when I've cooked the meal), without any reminders or helpful hints from me, really, really attractive!

9 out of 10 women get pregnant as a result of dishwashing....

Well, now. They have to be fun, funny, make us laugh. They have to be intelligent, sorta nuts, be spontaneous. Like to talk about goings on of the world, the past, and what the hell the future might hold. Their face has to light up at the sight of their woman. They have to play with the kids, love animals.

But, this sort of man? All women will try to take him away. And, handsome men are not like this, at all.

How about a man who knows how to share?