What do women look for in men Personality or Looks?

@failures art,

Well said arty...someone marked it down though...obviously by a self opinionated over-dressed stuck-up.

@Ionus,

In the case of ANus, Ill bet the reasons are more clinical. Maybe women want to asee what he looks like when hes cleaned up and doesnt stink so much.

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@ossobuco,

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Anyway, one scene really got to me (not the famous one).

Which two scenes are those osso?

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@aidan,

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He was/is a science/math whiz and born again Christian (what a combination, huh?).

Why do you say that Rebecca? There are plenty of scientists who are Christians. It's a myth, a delusion, that the anti-IDers on the evolution threads put out with blithe assertions that scientists are anti-Christian who denigrate the Bible without having studied it. There are more drug dealers who are anti-Christion and Bible haters than there are scientists.

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But I knew he'd be successful even back then - that wasn't the point.

That's anti-evolutionist you know. The triumph of your ego over your hormones the former having been conditioned by businessmen and the latter conditioned by millions of years of bilology. Or, to put it another way--flavour of the month over the real you.

Search out Anthony M. Ludovici's famous book "Woman: A Vindication. It's quite rare so ordering it from a library is probably the best bet. It will help you find out who are the real misogynists. But if you want a quick guide to that it is always the ones who use the term as an insult.

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@plainoldme,

plainoldme wrote:

But grooming is an expression of personality. A couple of years ago, I took a workshop on resume writing. The instructor asked us to talk about our ideal work situation. Everyone else . . . mainly over-40 women . . .said they wanted to wear jeans to work. Ugh! When it was my turn, I said, I prefer skirts but with tights and "European comfort shoes" and not Manolos. I like a nice blouse or sweater. A blazer is great, too.

Jeans are great for going to a rock concert or cleaning the toilet or hiking but not for work. If I were to be happy wearing jeans to work . . . and I am not a gardener or an artist, someone with a huge talent that requires casual clothes to express that talent . . . I would say to the world that I don't think much of myself. I am a number one of the great masses.

Even at a retail job, were I to go to work with my hair uncombed and in wrinkled clothes, I would send everyone I saw a message that I didn't care two pins for them . . . or for myself.

What we wear and how sends a message about who we are. My alumni association formerly hosted an annual single events at a posh hotel. A Rhode Island lawyer was a regular attendeR, [an attendee is the HOST, receiving the attendance] always wearing a gawd awful tie. WOmen were turned off by his choice of ties. Should anyone think the guy needed a woman to take him in hand, I say no. LEt him express who he is. We women had the choice of smiling and saying a word or two, then walking on. The idea is not to change someone.

That was very well said, Prof. Plain. KUDOS!

When I was a trial attorney, I always wore a vested suit.
All of my suits were (and r ) of identical sartorial architecture.
Accordingly, each day, I know where everything is situate.
About 40 or 50 years ago, I drew up desiderata for my tailor,
specifications for his application in constructing each suit,
including considerations of personal safety.
I need only choose the material. The desiderata r good
for trying new tailors, when in other cities too.

David

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@aidan,

Hey, if his characters sound that good on an internet screen, they have to be dynamite delivered live with inflection and gesture.

At the liquor store, men come in, both immediately after work and during their lunch breaks, covered in motor oil, plaster, paint and soil. HEy, that doesn't bother me. What I focus on is a picture a man posted on the web of himself with his comb over standing on end!

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@plainoldme,

plainoldme wrote:

Quote:
You're talking about work. I'm under the impression that this thread is about dating and attraction.

So, should someone look like a slob at work and primp for a date? BTW, whenI was in grad school the first time, I wore tailored blouses with my jeans. A man told me one day what an improvement they were over the "sweatshirts you used to wear." While I never owned a sweatshirt, this comment illustrates that men care about women's grooming.

No matter how you dress, there is someone that can find a way to wish you were more "well groomed." This is my point.

I'm reminded about the strange obsession by some over Hillary Clinton and pant suits. She has always been well groomed, but some thought (think?) that it would be better grooming for a woman to wear a skirt.

It's one thing to identify how you wish for your mate to dress and groom, it's another thing to accept that others may have this expectation on you. Someone may find your blouse and skirt to be too casual, and think you must not care enough to wear a dress with a high and tight hair bun. Just an example. You'd be "well groomed" in your mind, but not in theirs.

plainoldme wrote:

In fact, the Irish writer Ulick O'Connor once wrote that men expect women to be perfectly dressed and coifed without spending a dime but that men forgive their own pimples, beer bellies and bad breath.

I don't.

plainoldme wrote:

Quote:
My hesitance with the "well groomed" bit is that it suggests that the other person should be a reflection of you, and not a projection of their own personality. I don't like the idea of people as accessories

Huh?

I'm saying it's a bit objectifying. I'm not fond of commanding others to dress and groom to my taste. I'd not enjoy being commanded.

plainoldme wrote:

Quote:
If someone grooms themselves to their personality, they are well groomed. Well groomed shouldn't be my expectation or projection of expectation.

Sure, that's why I wear skirts to work and a pretty dress to the theatre or to the symphony. That's who I am and that is why I am not attracted to men in Hawaiian shirts and baggy pants who don't comb their hair.

I don't think that I'd feel hawaiian shirts and baggy pants would fit my personality, and so I don't wear them. Not wearing them however has nothing to do with any sort of objective measure grooming.

We should not impose such things on each other.

A
R
T

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@failures art,

An example I can think of is that not all beards are created equal.

Some are very well groomed, and some are simply the product of not managing facial hair.

A woman may not like beards, but for her to declare that beards (without any sort of distinction) are signs of poor grooming is hardly objective. How does one determine if a beard is good grooming?

What is better groomed? The man in a nicely pressed hawaiian shirt and large fit pants, or the man in trimly fit clothes that are wrinkled?

A
R
T

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@failures art,

failures art wrote:

I'd not enjoy being commanded.
A
R
T

Then u shoud reject n repudiate your liberalism and become a freedom-loving libertarian.

David

1 Reply

@plainoldme,

plainoldme wrote:

Hey, if his characters sound that good on an internet screen, they have to be dynamite delivered live with inflection
and gesture.

At the liquor store, men come in, both immediately after work and during their lunch breaks,
covered in motor oil, plaster, paint and soil. HEy, that doesn't bother me.

That 's the Golden Rule: he who has the GOLD Rules.

David

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@OmSigDAVID,

Quote:

I'd not enjoy being commanded.

Actually it is very good fun so long as you stick to ladies who are not very bright and have a keen sense of impatience coupled with a well developed pride in their domestic science skills. How else would a man find out what to do for the best? I have often mopped up the last dregs of gravy on a plate with the expression "that was wonderful darling" only to be mock-modestly asked whether there was enough salt in it followed by a little "aw shucksing" dancing slow on the spot walking movements with bent knees and eyelashes fluttering. Ironic like.

Oh to have seen Marilyn do that one. With Bogart in Sierra Madre form.

You definitely don't want an intellectual who has a major in Gothic Folklore.

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@spendius,

spendius wrote:

Quote:
I'd not enjoy being commanded.

You definitely don't want an intellectual who has a major in Gothic Folklore.

I don 't get the point about the folklore,
but I really LIKE smart, intellectual chicks, who r good-looking.
It is a source of delight to be able to respect their minds.

In contrast, I am reminded of a nice, cute, super-polite, petite blue-eyed,
red-headed chick of Spanish descent who made significant social advances toward me.

I liked her, as a person, but her shallowness of intellect I coud not accept.
The analogy that lurked in the privacy of my mind was of an image
of leading a cow around on a rope. I can 't do that.
Its not far enuf above buying an inflatable plastic chick doll.

I need to be able to respect her mind.

David

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

You poor deluded sap.

There was a scene in a comedy series, I forget which, where two women were sitting chatting whilst waiting while their escorts were getting their coats. One was a right coarse slapper as shallow as it gets and the other was posh with a mind of great intellectual depth. It was a miltary function. When the men returned one was a senior officer and the other was a squaddie. Guess who was carrying whose coat. Yes Dave--that's right. The senior officer was with the slapper.

But keep up the good work. We are all very grateful.

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@spendius,

You're not an early Woody Allen fan are you Dave? Before he got arty and all.

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@spendius,

spendius wrote:

You poor deluded sap.

There was a scene in a comedy series, I forget which, where two women were sitting chatting whilst waiting while their escorts were getting their coats. One was a right coarse slapper as shallow as it gets and the other was posh with a mind of great intellectual depth. It was a miltary function. When the men returned one was a senior officer and the other was a squaddie. Guess who was carrying whose coat. Yes Dave--that's right. The senior officer was with the slapper.

But keep up the good work. We are all very grateful.

OK; we will be guided in our preferences
by your comedy series.

David

1 Reply

@spendius,

Quote:

Why do you say that Rebecca? There are plenty of scientists who are Christians.

I know- I was just riffing on the stereotype some people have and constantly express that Christians are too stupid to understand and become scientists. That's why I included that extra detail about his musical ability. You don't picture scientists playing instruments or singing very often either.
Some people are really surprising in their versatility. I happen to like that- when people aren't one-dimensional cookie-cutter copies of a 'type' and they surprise you with a eclectic combination of skills/talents/beliefs.

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That's anti-evolutionist you know. The triumph of your ego over your hormones the former having been conditioned by businessmen and the latter conditioned by millions of years of bilology. Or, to put it another way--flavour of the month over the real you.

It wasn't a triumph. It made me sad that neither of us could compromise our beliefs to end up with each other. He wanted this fundamental Christian wife, and I knew I couldn't pretend to be that. So I don't know how evolution theory plays into that at all.
I don't understand the 'flavo(u)r of the month' reference. Do you think I was his flavour of the month? I didn't feel that way at all. I think he did see the real me, and while he liked/loved parts of it, he knew what he needed for the rest of his life, remained insistent upon it and let me make the decision that I couldn't be that. That was all there was to that. I think he probably did both of us a favor and saved us both a lot of grief.

I'll look at that book. I'm going to have more reading time and that sounds interesting. Thanks for telling me about it.

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@plainoldme,

Quote:

Hey, if his characters sound that good on an internet screen, they have to be dynamite delivered live with inflection and gesture.

He's one of the funniest people I've ever met.

Quote:

At the liquor store, men come in, both immediately after work and during their lunch breaks, covered in motor oil, plaster, paint and soil. HEy, that doesn't bother me. What I focus on is a picture a man posted on the web of himself with his comb over standing on end!

I like the Fed-x guys in their shorts. And I like it when they wear boots with them. I have to say, I could probably even overlook a comb-over if they had good legs in shorts. Although if I became his partner, I'd just encourage him to shave his head (if his hair was that thin). Laughing

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@OmSigDAVID,

Quote:

OK; we will be guided in our preferences
by your comedy series.

Not me David. We don't know that the officer enjoyed his time with the slapper. All we know is that he carried her coat.

1 Reply

@failures art,

Quote:

We should not impose such things on each other.

No, I am not imposing anything. There have to be things about some women that turn you off. Some are physical features they were born with while others are things the women assumed/put on/ affected during the course of their lifetimes, like a style of dress or a hair color or a way of pronouncing certain words. If those things are significant, you would not date that woman. THat is not imposing anything on the woman.

However, if 95% of the woman's total package appeals to you, you might discuss that final 5% with her. Let's say if she has been dying her hair green and you dislike the color but adore her and put it to her about the color, if she adores you, she might stop using green hair dye. in that situation, I would say the two of you worked it out.

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@failures art,

But, don't you get it? There are women . . . I know because I have talked to them . . . who hate beards and so would never date a bearded man. Generally, having a beard per se is not a sign of bad grooming. Some men are meticulous about their beards. Only a badly groomed beard is badly groomed.

1 Reply

What do women look for in men Personality or Looks?

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