Divorce and stay friends..

Bean has the bestest mommy she could ever wish for.

thank you


she has a very large circle of people around her right now, making sure she stays happy and safe..


she gets to 're-meet' my mom soon too. She finally made it back to albq. so we are hitting the road soon!

Did your mom move back to Albuquerque? Where does she live now. Does Diane know this too? It would be fun to see your mom again because we has such fun with her when we spent time with her during your visit.

BBB

Just catching up now, shewolf.

I would have thought that agreeing to you being the custodial parent was a big thing (though I'm no lawyer).
Not so?

What's on the agenda at the meeting with the mediator (that you want him to agree to)?
For him to agree to care properly for Bean (when she's visiting him) in the ways you mentioned earlier?
You think he will keep insisting that his care of her is fine?
I'd really hope that he agrees to make the effort to do the right thing by her.
If he still doesn't get it, well it doesn't leave you much choice, does it?
I can imagine how sad & frustrated this makes you feel.
But hang in there. (I know you will.)

It is a big thing, and it is not. It is just in the initial request for divorce. That can be changed at any time and is not set in stone as to how things will go. The fact that he DID it was the good thing, but I do not think he will stay with it no.

The mediator is going to help me draw up the decree ( rules) . He gets to be there yes, and weigh in .. but if the rules are not agreed to on his part then I will leave the mediator and have the lawyer I have met get to work on things.

The decree will outline the behaviors that will NOT happen if he is to see her. She will not be allowed to be dirty, her bed will stay clean , her room is to stay clean, and the organic material will stay clean ( meaning no rotting food or rotting trash allowed..etc)

No. He still does not see what he did as wrong. In fact he has said a couple of things to me that are alarming. 1- he says that I should ' consider the source'. Meaning I should not trust the teacher who brought all of this to my attention in the first place. He says that she has had a problem with him from the beginning..
When I heard that.... i just sat in silence.. I dont know what in the world to say to that. Really....
I did correct him however and let him know it was not just HER.. it was the principal, assistant principal, social worker, 2 counselors, the assistant teacher... blah blah blah..
Yeah. he still stuck with the teacher having a problem with him.

His other thing was that he thinks I was exaggerating . That I only 'think' it was bad.

yeah. i only think its bad to feed your child from plates and bowls that have had rotting food on them for weeks. To only wipe them off and let her use them. To watch her get sick over and over and not think twice aout it. to have your child go an entire year and not gain any weight... to sleep in a mattress soaked with piss..
the list could go on and on. Believe me, that is JUST the tip of the iceberg.

i will never get him to see that what he did was horribly wrong. People who know that sort of treatment is not OK would never do it in the first place. I have to cave in on getting him to understand..

but if he does not agree to keep that stuff clean, her clean and be present.. then no. He will get less than standardized custody. I will see to that..

Poem To Wounded Lovers

It is a new day today!
And my fire?
Where is it?
I used to be myself, bright,
Sparkling….full of zest.

Today I am wounded,
With arrows of sorrow piercing my heart.
Is there a way to heal my emotions?
Can I again indulge on my creations?

My love hurt me without mercy in the past,
Then, it went away and disappear….
It did not last!

I loved him!
He was my pillar,
The source of my dream,
With him I was a happy flower,
On the shore of a stream.

He left me! Saying “You are too cruel”,
I blamed him for creating the duel.


Now I hate him!
My heart is full of anger!
God! Be merciful and help me see,
It tears me apart,
This consuming hunger.

A poet once said,
“Love is a passing fancy”,
He forgot to add….,
“It leaves you hurt also… without mercy”.

Enough!
No more of this sorrow!
That was yesterday!
I want to live today,
And also tomorrow!

I will forget the bitter moments in the past,
And I will remember only,
The happy memories
Which did last.

Yes! These happy moments are there,
In the deep corners of my mind,
From which I can gain strength,
Against this solitude,
Which stops me to rime.

Anger be gone!
Stop tighten my wings
There is no room for you in my soul,
I will face you,
And you will dissipate….
And disappear in the winds.
I need to heal my wounds,
And be ready for a new date.

He is handsome and strong,
I know!
He also will sing me a new song.

A song which I never heard before,
Full of passion and melody…
With the trimmings of folklore.

I Thank the Heavens for the lessons of the past….
And, I know for certain,
My new love will meant to last.

The problem with being friends is that you have been lovers in the past. You need to keep away from him emotionaly because your emotions for him need time to heal. As far as you see him that wound will keep open. As humans we need to keep clean emotionaly, this is our more vulnerable weakness and all the reasoning in the world is not going to make it stronger. Only when you heal the wound and fill your emotional department with a new love, will you be able to become friend with him.
You want to play with fire?
Then, do not complain later.

Frienship does not work, especialy for women.
I was divorced also but I did learn from it and found the right woman for me second time around. If anybody is interested about the knowledge say so.

That was because your Sun signs did not match; try Astrology, although there is a lot of rubiss there, you can also find very powerful knowledge.

Eating several tamales helps too.

You are lucky Denmark is not around the corner. I have a question;
Why do so many people like to play with the fire of their emotions?
Do they think they are supper human?
(That was two questions, sorry,)

They want to earn their supper?

Oops, I've just learned elfluvio is posting on shewolf threads.

No combustible emotions at my house. I trust and love my husband and he offers me the same in return. I am not so petty and insecure as to feel threatened by a person from his past.

I have a question for you Mr. Self Proclaimed Looovvvve Expert: Did you even bother to read what SheWolf wrote concerning her relationship with her Ex and her child? It certainly doesn't seem like it from that insensitive advice you spouted and then returned to like a three year old who admires his own poop. I think the only real love going on in your world is that between your ego and your computer.

May be I should write you ten pages to make the point. Do you think ten pages may be enough? Are we talking about kids or about the relation between her ex and her.
By the way your name fits your language.

Thanks for such a detailed response to my questions, shewolf.

I see what you are dealing with now.


That's very sad, shewolf.
Because, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary , he's seeing the "problem" as people attacking him, rather than addressing Bean's neglect while in his care. Which is obviously the most important thing.
He can't seem to think beyond himself in all this ....

I wish it wasn't so, but I agree with you.
This is only the start of a protracted battle.
He believes it's about him, you believe it's about Bean's welfare ... & I strongly agree with you.

<sigh>

Vincent, as much as I liked the poem you posted (though whether shewolf can empathize with it or not, who knows?), I think most of your advice here is not exactly helpful to what shewolf is actually dealing with right now.

This is an issue about the proper care of her daughter. Which is very serious.

Absolutely nothing to do with "sun signs" & the rest ....

I think shewolf is dealing with enough right now without having to cope with such contributions on this thread as well ....

Please just leave her alone, OK?

-

yeah remember they were probably opposites

don't worry about vincent - he is a harmless fruitcake

No worries, Linkat. Maybe since he misunderstands my name I will cast a spell and make his little penis drop off, but then he would have nothing to think with. Plus I'm out of newt eyes and bat wings and it's easier to hit the Ignore button.