Divorce and stay friends..

Yes, and so true. I see it everyday.

my own lawyer has said that as well. Though.. now that he has seen this one from a few angles, he is just as shocked at things as I am.

but i still.. even being dragged through it... am absolutely shocked at what people DO to each other.. over NOTHING at all. I dont understand people, their thought process or their ability to turn all rational thought off and attempt to fire a gun with no ammo at someone thinking they will get anywhere with it.

dumbfounded. just dumbfounded.

Jackass.

I gotta say that you are quite right .
I have no behaved as he has, nor would I because that is just not my personality medicated or not. But the way I have come to see things, the way I realize I have to work around him to stay safe is just daunting. I was aware of it before, but not at all like this. Its only now that I can look at that relationship as the abusive one it was . When I was in it, it didnt "seem" that bad especially considering that I would approach him about his treatment of me many times and ...at least.. we were able to SAY something about it. Obviously nothing changed or the relationship would not have fallen apart. I was aware of how demeaning and controlling he was... but not enough to act on it and not from a place of thinking I needed to react. His excuse was that it was just ' how he was' . He is exactly like his father who was a horrible abuser both physically and emotionally. He never hit me, but I knew that possibility was there.
Not to mention the fact that I was obviously once 'comfortable' with people like that or I would not have found an abuser to begin with. That I have chewed on for a long time. The fact that I am no longer ok with that kind of person is reflected in my current life. Even my circle of friends has changed since I left him.
So, if i could say this... that relationship showed me quite a few things about myself that were only peeking out. It has been a very hard 2 years of reflection and fighting denial. At the very least..thats the 'gift' of it.

why do u have to be friends with ur ex?
it could be a good thing .. but it should come naturally..
don't force urself.

Can I ask you something? Do you feel that you could love someone else after being divorced, or will your first wife always hold a special place in your heart. I'm dating a man whose wife left him, he didn't want the divorce. I can't help but feel that he will always love and want her. I know he loves me, but I can't get that fear out of my head. Any advice on this? I'd really appreciate it.

I'm curious, were your divorces mutual? Is it possible to love so many different women or do you always feel the love for them? I'm asking because I'm dating a man whose wife wanted the divorce. I know it devastated him, and I can't help but wonder if his heart will always want her and he's only with me because he couldn't be with her. It makes me insecure about pursuing the relationship. Any advice on this? Could really use some help. Thanks.

My love for my ex wives after parting has shifted. I will always care for them but in more of sisterly or removed sort of way. I stopped wanting to be with them when we made the divorces final.

In both divorces, we both wanted the divorce. My 2nd divorce she wanted it a bit more than I did. We went through couples therapy in both cases. Even after my marriages, when I lived with 2 diff woman for 4 and 5 yrs - therapy there too...short-term.

My circumstances are/were different than his. This is all very individual. one size does not fit all people.

I suppose it is possible, but why would you want to? People don't end relationships or get divorced because things are peachy keen. it would not be possible for me to be in contact with any of mine. They proved they are not worth my time. Are you wanting to stay friends to keep him in your life for some reason? Are you hoping to get back together?

You must be both the exception to the rule and to the rules that develop in the future.

Hard to say you have any chance at all.

She hasn't posted on this forum for 10 years, but if she ever returns I'm sure she'll be happy to have heard from you.

Oh, I don’t know about him. But ex #2 and I are still friends.

The others, not so much.

it is Godly to forgive.

"And more gawdly still not to have fucked up in the first place." St Thomas Aquinas.

Being both friendly and divorced, especially after the kids are in high school, is vastly overrated.

If all things are possible with God then who is with God to be unimpossible? Just a riddle as you suggest done with will.

Nothing serves my memory ... like a sin that never happened.

83.56% of nothing said they agree.

Dikkos makes a difference as the plickening thought for hate is straight only forwarded...might not be true, no dikkos and you do not have the chain of slavery causing you to pull all that is holey through it. I remembered it now...rochea, you do not have to worry about the clean up...yes, I see him in the clouds coming all over it and calling my name then "I have more than falling water this time!"

Your grandpa's funeral? That is way out there for motive and intentional grounding of an ex's ability to grow up and move forward. Strange as it is almost like I remember. I would hate your sis if you wanted a good investment bc that is massive undermining from your father directed by your sis and like your ex? Is your sis wanting to ride on you?