dumbfounded. just dumbfounded.
No, now that you are properly medicated you have clarity. Your ex is not well, and you used to be right there with him. I see a lot of revisionist history being written into your posts lately.
I gotta say that you are quite right .
I have no behaved as he has, nor would
I because that is just not my personality medicated or not. But the way I have come to see things, the way I realize I have to work around him to stay safe is just daunting. I was aware of it before, but not at all like this. Its only now that I can look at that relationship as the abusive one it was . When I was in it, it didnt "seem" that bad especially considering that I would approach him about his treatment of me many times and ...at least.. we were able to SAY something about it. Obviously nothing changed or the relationship would not have fallen apart. I was aware of how demeaning and controlling he was... but not enough to act on it and not from a place of thinking I needed to react. His excuse was that it was just ' how he was' . He is exactly like his father who was a horrible abuser both physically and emotionally. He never hit me, but I knew that possibility was there.
Not to mention the fact that I was obviously once 'comfortable' with people like that or I would not have found an abuser to begin with. That I have chewed on for a long time. The fact that I am no longer ok with that kind of person is reflected in my current life. Even my circle of friends has changed since I left him.
So, if i could say this... that relationship showed me quite a few things about myself that were only peeking out. It has been a very hard 2 years of reflection and fighting denial. At the very least..thats the 'gift' of it.