37
   

Divorce and stay friends..

 
 
Ticomaya
 
  2  
Reply Sun 20 May, 2012 08:06 am
@CalamityJane,
CalamityJane wrote:
Friends of mine are fighting the "War of Roses" for over 3 years now, they lost their business over it and the only ones that benefit from this are the lawyers on both sides and the ones who really suffer from it, are their 2 kids. So sad!

Yes, and so true. I see it everyday.
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 May, 2012 08:35 am
@Ticomaya,
Ticomaya wrote:

Yes, and so true. I see it everyday.


my own lawyer has said that as well. Though.. now that he has seen this one from a few angles, he is just as shocked at things as I am.

but i still.. even being dragged through it... am absolutely shocked at what people DO to each other.. over NOTHING at all. I dont understand people, their thought process or their ability to turn all rational thought off and attempt to fire a gun with no ammo at someone thinking they will get anywhere with it.

dumbfounded. just dumbfounded.
hawkeye10
 
  -3  
Reply Sun 20 May, 2012 10:23 am
@shewolfnm,
Quote:
dumbfounded. just dumbfounded.

No, now that you are properly medicated you have clarity. Your ex is not well, and you used to be right there with him. I see a lot of revisionist history being written into your posts lately.
Ticomaya
 
  4  
Reply Sun 20 May, 2012 07:46 pm
@hawkeye10,
Jackass.
hawkeye10
 
  -3  
Reply Sun 20 May, 2012 08:04 pm
@Ticomaya,
Ticomaya wrote:

Jackass.


On what grounds? All I did was remind SheWolf of what she herself said before this all got nasty.
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  4  
Reply Tue 22 May, 2012 11:56 am
@hawkeye10,
hawkeye10 wrote:

Quote:
dumbfounded. just dumbfounded.

No, now that you are properly medicated you have clarity. Your ex is not well, and you used to be right there with him. I see a lot of revisionist history being written into your posts lately.


I gotta say that you are quite right .
I have no behaved as he has, nor would I because that is just not my personality medicated or not. But the way I have come to see things, the way I realize I have to work around him to stay safe is just daunting. I was aware of it before, but not at all like this. Its only now that I can look at that relationship as the abusive one it was . When I was in it, it didnt "seem" that bad especially considering that I would approach him about his treatment of me many times and ...at least.. we were able to SAY something about it. Obviously nothing changed or the relationship would not have fallen apart. I was aware of how demeaning and controlling he was... but not enough to act on it and not from a place of thinking I needed to react. His excuse was that it was just ' how he was' . He is exactly like his father who was a horrible abuser both physically and emotionally. He never hit me, but I knew that possibility was there.
Not to mention the fact that I was obviously once 'comfortable' with people like that or I would not have found an abuser to begin with. That I have chewed on for a long time. The fact that I am no longer ok with that kind of person is reflected in my current life. Even my circle of friends has changed since I left him.
So, if i could say this... that relationship showed me quite a few things about myself that were only peeking out. It has been a very hard 2 years of reflection and fighting denial. At the very least..thats the 'gift' of it.
0 Replies
 
legalbillingsoftware
 
  0  
Reply Fri 1 Jun, 2012 01:48 am
why do u have to be friends with ur ex?
it could be a good thing .. but it should come naturally..
don't force urself.
0 Replies
 
Kimmaria
 
  1  
Reply Wed 18 May, 2016 03:49 pm
@roger,
Can I ask you something? Do you feel that you could love someone else after being divorced, or will your first wife always hold a special place in your heart. I'm dating a man whose wife left him, he didn't want the divorce. I can't help but feel that he will always love and want her. I know he loves me, but I can't get that fear out of my head. Any advice on this? I'd really appreciate it.
0 Replies
 
Kimmaria
 
  1  
Reply Wed 18 May, 2016 03:59 pm
@Ragman,
I'm curious, were your divorces mutual? Is it possible to love so many different women or do you always feel the love for them? I'm asking because I'm dating a man whose wife wanted the divorce. I know it devastated him, and I can't help but wonder if his heart will always want her and he's only with me because he couldn't be with her. It makes me insecure about pursuing the relationship. Any advice on this? Could really use some help. Thanks.
Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Wed 18 May, 2016 08:19 pm
@Kimmaria,
My love for my ex wives after parting has shifted. I will always care for them but in more of sisterly or removed sort of way. I stopped wanting to be with them when we made the divorces final.

In both divorces, we both wanted the divorce. My 2nd divorce she wanted it a bit more than I did. We went through couples therapy in both cases. Even after my marriages, when I lived with 2 diff woman for 4 and 5 yrs - therapy there too...short-term.

My circumstances are/were different than his. This is all very individual. one size does not fit all people.
0 Replies
 
 

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