44
   

Divorce and stay friends..

 
 
CalamityJane
 
  3  
Wed 10 Mar, 2010 10:21 am
I am sorry to hear that, shewolf - divorce is never easy, no matter how amicable
it is. The person you married is never the same person you divorce.

Initially it can be very amicable and friendly, yet, the minute another partner
steps in, the problems start. Don't think you know that this won't ever happen
to you - things change rather quickly.

We had a super easy divorce, mainly because my ex thought I'd come back six
months later when I'd realize how hard it is on my own. We remained cordial and friendly for a couple of years thereafter but when a new man stepped into my life, things went south and luckily we did not have any children together
so there was no need to see each other. We have very different lives now,
I wish him well, he's a good person, but I wouldn't want to be friends with him
today.
wandeljw
 
  2  
Wed 10 Mar, 2010 11:01 am
When I got divorced in the early 1990's, I already had 3 children. The best piece of advice that I got was to NEVER say anything negative to the children about the other parent. I have spent a lot of time and have had a lot of fun with all 3 of my children because of that. My first wife and I are still friendly. I have thanked her for the good job she has done as a parent and she has thanked me for being supportive.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Wed 10 Mar, 2010 11:38 am
Wally and his ex-wife get along just fine, always have.

They had a daughter together, and as Wandell said, they never said anything negative about the other because of her.

I can't remember him ever saying anything bad about her when it's just the 2 of us talking either.

Daughter was just Beans age when they divorced, and her relationship with both have always been good.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Wed 10 Mar, 2010 11:58 am
My brother's wife and her ex seem to get along fine. They have a daughter together and they live in the same town. The ex-husband likes my brother which I imagine is a good thing as his daughter is with them more often than she is with her dad (although she does spend a good amount of time with her dad's family as well). Also, the ex, went to their wedding and brought his girlfriend.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Wed 10 Mar, 2010 03:16 pm
I get along with my ex. We were together 22 years, no children, amicable divorce. We stayed in touch - that's a lot of history and there are family attachments - and outlasted whatever ill feelings had built up before the denouement. A decade after the final papers, I can say at this point we really are friends. I met him again when I went to California recently and we talked at a cafe we both used to enjoy for three hours. A lot of water flowed under the bridge; now we have a kind of continuity to our lives, being able to talk without a lot of baggage to the memories with someone who was there at the same time.
0 Replies
 
Sglass
 
  1  
Wed 10 Mar, 2010 03:20 pm
Aw Shewolf I hope you seek counseling before making such a decision.
0 Replies
 
eoe
 
  2  
Wed 10 Mar, 2010 03:24 pm
@CalamityJane,
CalamityJane wrote:

I am sorry to hear that, shewolf - divorce is never easy, no matter how amicable it is. The person you married is never the same person you divorce.

Initially it can be very amicable and friendly, yet, the minute another partner steps in, the problems start. Don't think you know that this won't ever happen to you - things change rather quickly.

We had a super easy divorce, mainly because my ex thought I'd come back six months later when I'd realize how hard it is on my own. We remained cordial and friendly for a couple of years thereafter but when a new man stepped into my life, things went south and luckily we did not have any children together so there was no need to see each other. We have very different lives now, I wish him well, he's a good person, but I wouldn't want to be friends with him today.


This is exactly what I mean by hidden agendas and ulterior motives. Once everyone realizes their positions, I believe it's very possible to be friends but it takes awhile for everyone to realize and even moreso, to accept having a new place in their ex's lives. Like Soz, I haven't experienced this myself, but I was an adult when my parents split up for the last time and had a ringside seat, even when I didn't want it. Wink
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  2  
Wed 10 Mar, 2010 08:27 pm
we dont now, and we never would insult each other in front of her.
We are just not like that.
I acknowledge there will be tense times, and peace will not always happen. But i would never resort to insulting him where she could hear, or SO she could hear.
No way.
0 Replies
 
Aldistar
 
  2  
Thu 11 Mar, 2010 01:45 pm
I must have been out of the loop longer than I thought I did not know y'all were seeking a divorce. I'm sorry things didn't work out, but it looks like both of you have your heads on straight about it.

My husband had a not so great ending to a relationship with a woman years ago and now they are best friends. They both agreed to not contact each other for 6 weeks after things ended. They both got their heads straight picked up their separate lives and when they met for lunch 6 weeks later they realized that they both cared for the other but could not live together. To this day they are close friends, and she is a dear friend to me as well. Whenever we go to visit her (She is in New Jersey we live in Texas) we have a great time, after 2 days though, they start butting heads about all kinds of things and then they begin to quarrel like siblings. Great friends as long as they don't have to suffer each other under the same roof. Odd but true.
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Fri 12 Mar, 2010 08:19 am
@Aldistar,
Laughing

that is funny.
That is exactly how I see things happening here.

We do care or each other, we get along great, I think we just mistook a good friendship to mean a good marriage and that isnt always the case.

I can totally see us doing JUST that.. fine with each other for a while, enjoying each others company, then arguing over stupid **** like kids. hahah

the image.. hahahah.. its wonderful.
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Fri 12 Mar, 2010 08:20 am
apartment shopping, and roommate shopping feel odd at my age.

Shouldnt this be something you do when you are 20 and in college?

the fear of being lonely creates some obnoxious barriers
Ragman
 
  1  
Sat 13 Mar, 2010 10:42 am
@shewolfnm,
not really...I'm doing that right now and I'm 59. You can rest assured that it can and does happen at any age. You have my sympathy and empathy.

back to packing for my move.
0 Replies
 
BorisKitten
 
  1  
Sat 13 Mar, 2010 04:24 pm
@shewolfnm,
shewolfnm wrote:

apartment shopping, and roommate shopping feel odd at my age.

Shouldnt this be something you do when you are 20 and in college?

the fear of being lonely creates some obnoxious barriers

I dunno, hon, I think you've already gotten over that "fear of loneliness" bit, since you've been living without Ex for a while now, right?

And certainly you can tell, just with a quick Internet check, that lots of folk have done the apartment/roommate thing when they're way, way older than you are, right?

You're young (in my view), and ready for your next adventure. More power to you, my dear!

I'm looking forward to hearing about what happens next for you. I'm pretty sure it will be Good News!
ossobuco
 
  1  
Sat 13 Mar, 2010 05:00 pm
@BorisKitten,
Well, yeah.
Our divorce went through when I was 59.

Life is long, art is longer.
0 Replies
 
Lash
 
  1  
Sun 14 Mar, 2010 07:20 pm
Well, damn, baby. I'm sorry for the end of something you had to hope would last at some point...but you sound really good--so, that's awesome. Also sounds like you're taking care of something that will free you to be available for a wonderful, earthshattering, passionate relationship sometime in your future, which ain't a half-bad thing.

Just wanting you to know I'm thinking of you...and seeing really wonderful things in your future!
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Mon 15 Mar, 2010 05:00 am
I still feel odd going the room mate route but... thats where it is Smile

and it is ok. In fact the more I chew on it , the more I do realize it is the best route. There is no guarantee I want to stay here. There is no guarantee I want an apartment .
I may want to live on the other side of town.
I may choose to leave the state. Manhattan is waiting for me anyway dang it.

And I have seen a common trend of people around my age still doing the roommate situation so I guess it isnt a big issue. It was my own preconceived notion that I shouldnt be doing this. But quite frankly it makes sense.

I have a prospect, middle of town, large house and seemingly sane people. Smile I will meet today and see . In my price range too !!


oh.
And I photographed my first wedding Very Happy
Awesome
Mame
 
  2  
Mon 15 Mar, 2010 12:45 pm
@shewolfnm,
Best of luck to you on the roommate thing, she... and yay to the wedding gig Smile If you lived closer, you could do mine.

Your instincts are good and you know what you're doing. You're an awesome lady.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Mon 15 Mar, 2010 02:09 pm
@shewolfnm,
Where will your daughter be living?
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Mon 15 Mar, 2010 07:44 pm
she is going to have to stay with her dad during the week to go to school.
I will pick her up from her after care like usual , it just doesnt make sense for me to take her when i wont be living so close to her school. Here, she is right across the street.
But she will be with me on weekends and SOME evenings.. no real plan yet. None really needed. not quite . as things move on plans will solidify according to what works best
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Mon 26 Apr, 2010 06:22 am
After a long time, we finally separated every single thing. I have 2 boxes of stuff to 'collect'.
Its actually going to goodwill.

I never realized how little I owned until we started dividing things months ago.

I went over and had dinner last night and things are still.. wow.. nice Smile

He said , quite honestly " I am loving living alone. When we were together I never felt like I had MY space. that it was always OUR space. And we always just combined everything for every one. No clear cut design or acknowledgment of anyone."

I was SO happy to hear him finally coming into his OWN stuff and his OWN space and really beginning to FEEL what he wants. I was just in awe and proud of him for that. He as never really thought about his own living space to the point of real discomfort for me and Jillian.
I was almost wanting to jump on and get him some paint and paint the place with him if he wanted that. Hearing that was soooo cool Smile

As for my side of the fence, still happy and just loving the entire decision. No hesitation anywhere. This couldnt BE a more comfortable thing. And I know that sounds odd... but it really is enjoyable. Im watching him grow and change and get excited about life again. Im able to do the same thing. And we are doing it separately, yet together.

Jillian loves my place, and is happy to be getting her own space beyond her room at his place.
The division of time with her is still rocky. Mostly on my side.
My photography business is skyrocketing. Im shooting large music festivals here in Austin. I have large banks as clients. Im drawing up a proposal for photography to ACL ( austin city limits music fest and tv show) as we speak. Numbers above 2,000 . Smile The entire planet is reacting it feels like and though it is wonderful, I have not had a lot of free time.

The beginning of getting this off the ground is taking a lot of just basic footwork and hand shaking. I have met entire news crews, IBC C.E.O. , large marketing firms, movie actors, famous bands and individual members of bands. Im almost overwhelmed. But i asked for it damnit. and I got it Smile
But it is removing my time at home.

Im learning how to carve out my schedule and abilities with out hitting the breaks on things. If my work can go forward fast enough, missing time wont last long. Or, I could be setting a precedence for always being OUT there and ultimately shoot myself in the foot. Its a learning curve Im hoping. And that , so far, is the only snag.

*deep breath*
*big smile*

Goodmorning yall !!!!!!!
 

Related Topics

A good cry on the train - Discussion by Joe Nation
Family Relationship - Question by Krisqiyajie
What fault can I base on if any - Question by confusedtina
I want a divorce - Question by conflictedthoughts
Why is Divorce preferable to adultery? - Question by maxdancona
What to do with the house - Question by jenfargo83
Divorce - Question by Misties
divorce with a prenup - Question by KoratMommy
Will Ex-wife Get Revenge? - Discussion by nycfunction
 
Copyright © 2024 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.03 seconds on 04/16/2024 at 01:51:41