Divorce and stay friends..

I agree with you here 100%

and I have already done all of the above. Him and I have been apart 2+ years, and during the last 2 years living together we were 'apart' then too.
And you are right. had I have tried to be friends earlier, it would not have worked , no matter how much contempt or anxiety I would have felt for the situation, I could not have been clear through it all.

then you are finding a very limited type of woman

When someone posts something that reflects that they have NOT read a single thing IN the thread, nor do they see it for what it has evolved to..... I dont give much of a care about what they write. The only thing he wrote that I agreed with, i quoted and addressed.

He is going by the opening title of the thread...which..one can not BLAME him for, I mean.. thats the issue that started this out. My concern was being able to move through this nasty stuff without developing true hatred to him because we have a child together and hating him would get either of us no where. Even if I have to rail him on no custody, no rights..etc.. I cant come from HATE because that makes it personal. I have to stay in what is right for Bean.. not right for my vengeance..

Vincent was right about ONE thing... you can no try to be good friends right out of the relationship. You have to take a break, get on with your own life..etc..etc. And I have already done that, even to the point of dating someone else now. It was not easy, but it is done.

beyond that? He can look up my stars all he likes...shove his nose in my sun and suck my moon for all i care...

I hoped to get a response to my post because Diane and I really liked your mom. BBB

Did your mom move back to Albuquerque? Where does she live now. Does Diane know this too? It would be fun to see your mom again because we has such fun with her when we spent time with her during your visit.

BBB

Im sorry.
I did not see your post?
( scrolling back I do now! )

She 'just' moved,, as in called me 2 days ago to tell me so. She has been planning the move for a month .
She lives some where on.. i think.. rose ? Rose avenue? Im not sure yet.
We will be there just after christmas so Im sure I will get an actual address sometime soon. She does not yet have a phone set up, computer etc. But im happy she is finally closer.

I hope Diane, Osso, Butrflynet and I can get together with you and your mom while you are here. Would you, the Bean and your mom like to come to my home for a feast and fun? Butrflynet makes a great lunch or dinner. It's easier for Diane and Osso to come to my home.

BBB

Im not sure yet.
I dont know exactly what day we are leaving, nor do I know what we will be able to do. Im taking the whole family 2 kids , me and Quade.. so we have to see what time we have where.
I have not seen my mom in 7 years

I wouldn't have normally jumped on a Mr. Sylvan type post, but he has made a habit of cluttering up threads with his pearls of relationship wisdom while obviously not either reading or understanding what the poster is asking advice on. It doesn't come across as if he is trying to help, but rather it seems he is just looking for attention. I gave him some.

Wishing you a happy outcome SW.

i gather that now that I read his posts in other threads.

maybe he will bugger out of this one

Gracious and fun idea, BBB. I understand Shewolf needs to follow her family tune re the time she has. Hope even a small amount of time can work out, but understand if not.

Shewolf, I'm so happy for you getting to see your mother again. And happy for your mother getting to be with you and all.

I will eek out what I can.

We are hobbling along right now on one car that just has some major transmission work. We are going to pack in that little thing hoping for the best.
It is time for us to find a new car, but my finances right now say other wise..
so our travel time is limited because I cant go without work for too long and not sink.
We will see how it works

Understand.

i cant breathe half the time.

a guardian ad litem....
hes trying to walk away
has scared her with " im leaving" ..
will quit his job to not pay child support


this is a ******* nightmare. what an asshole.

How awful for you & your daughter, shewolf!
I'm really sorry to hear it's come to this.
Are you OK?

Is this his response to you being in another relationship?
Why is he doing this?

why don't you send me a PM about your cars...

If you give me an idea what your budget might be, I may be able to help you get into some new wheels. or help you get yours fixed again...

hugs.

Cripes, wolfie.

my good friend robert let me 'buy' his car. His wife died almost 4 years ago and her pt cruiser has been pretty much unused by him. So in payments I can afford ...so long as it is SOMETHING, i am giving him 2k for the cruiser. Its in perfect shape, runs well.. and totes the whole family with some really really comfortable seating. Im scared to death of when something goes out on that thing though. Its engine is like a hamster in a blender. The entire thing seems like it would fit under my arm.

The corolla I have on a jack. Piecing together a bearing press for the driver side wheel. bearing went out,,, can NOT just repack it either. Easy job.. but getting the proper parts are a bit tough . 200 to have someone press the bearing FOR me.. or 130 + a hand full of little adjustments to BUY the press and DO IT myself and HAVE IT so I can do it for any other part is MORE important and more of an investment in my brain.
That corolla.. ripping it apart.. has taught me a lot more about cars then I ever knew. Not to mention Mr Jet mechanic ( Thor) pulls that thing over for any noise what so ever. Its about to breathe its final breath at 200k unless I rebuild the engine.
That will happen. It still gets about 40 mpg.

for cars.. im doing ok so far. I dont have money for a down payment or anything else right now.


Why is Bean's dad doing this?
I dont know.
He hates me and thinks that I am wrong for holding him responsible for the neglect he gave her while she was living with him. He thinks im doing it for his money. WHen it comes to child custody, it is mandatory unless it is a proven extenuating circumstance ...that the NON custodial parent pays support. Period. Thats how the law works. HE THINKS im doing it to him. HE THINKS im trying to screw him. HE THINKS he can get out of child support payment by quitting his job to " screw me".

Basically.. he will put his daughter in jeopardy to " get at me". How.. manly huh. I have always known he was less than when it comes to taking care of responsibilities and that he was a very selfish person. I never thought it would extend to his child though. He has proven me wrong and is not at all interested in her... just throws his hate at me.

Little woman is so stressed and so scared because he told her he is leaving her.. but did not discuss it, did not offer explanation.. just SAID IT , she doesnt know what to do with herself. Hardly talks sometimes.. He is using her emotions as a pawn and I could rip him a new one for that. How immature and abusive can you be. She just turned 8. She doesnt need this. But he is doing it. Constantly.

Thor has run out of work opportunities in this area because we have been waiting on beans dad to stop bucking and SIGN something. He wont. He is screwing us and big time. I need more legal assistance then I can even explain.

Bean is becoming a silent ball of stress. Its only after a few days that she is home that she will start to become HER again. She dosnt talk. hardly eats sometimes.... i almost do not want her to see him AT ALL. but i have no legal stance yet. It is painful for everyone. Every day.

i cant believe this is happening.

Aw poor little Bean, shewolf.
How is she, especially, to understand why her dad is treating her like this?
She loves her dad.
Something is very wrong with him if he can't (or won't) see the hurt & the harm he is causing her.
I can understand why you're so distressed.
This is just awful.

Time to come home for some of grandma's nurturing for the both of you!

I call my mom almost daily. I'm sure she's exhausted from just hearing things. I would love to be closer