Asian Carp: Impersonate A2Kers

Seed

You know who you all are!

Wandel

Dude, not Goatse again, I beg of thee

Got a full face of that yesterday about a nanosecond before my boss walked in, talk about heart palpitations

Cycloptichorn

That's why I posted Ascii and not a goatse. Didn't want to send your heart into overdrive or anything! ;-)

You captured the tediousness of my writing perfectly, but I am even more tedious in person!

High Seas


That approach may work for you, and for anyone else who's never repeated ad nauseam that "there's no such thing as Asian carp", but you'll see how it utterly destroys any accusations of "carpism" by Setanta against anybody at all. Squaring the circle has got to be easier than observing the rules of logic while engaged in a "political correctness" syllogism - even the Asian Carp would recoil from such a monstrosity in horror..

OK, now we're just doing MadLibs with the words "Asian Carp".

Do you always walk with that stick up your arse?

Francis

Do you always walk with that Asian Carp up your arse?

I do hope it's clear that this one is done out of affection --

Timberlandko

... Apart from internal reference derived wholly and exclusively from the Abrahamic Mythopaeia itself, what evidence have you for the existence of Asian carp? To my knowledge, no independent, direct historical reference to anything you've mentioned there exists. I submit there is no forensically, academically, scientifically valid evidence for the existence either of the carp nor of Asia. 'Scure me, mebbe there is an Asia, as we get yuckware from there. Make sure to post a HijackThis log in a separate topic while I go out and feed the ponies.

Thanks, Jespah. I wish we still had Timber with us.

Same here.

THAT is hilarious! Bravo!

Thanks, Mame! Has someone tried to do you yet?

Setanta:

None of you clowns knows what you're talking about. If you had read "Treatise on the History of the Asian Carp", I might find it of some worth to enter this discussion. Everyone who is anyone knows that Asian Carp are not, in fact, Asian at all, but derive from the Sahara where there was once a mammoth lake called the Ah Hai'. It is well-documented that they thrived there for some time until the lake eventually began to diminish due to native overuse of the water and a gradual warming of the planet. The natives who were partially responsible for the drying up of Lake Ah Hai' were the Ahmed and El Al tribes, who are now virtually extinct themselves, rendering them therefore unpunishable.

Before the lake became the vast desert it is today, several leading biologists from the British Biological Association travelled there with the intention of saving the species. Their mission was funded, in part, through several universities and a government branch, then known as Habitat Regeneration. They were indeed successful in retrieving the remaining carp, which they then deposited in many lakes around the world.

Further study on these reintroduced carp indicate that each group has evolved slightly differently. For example, carp introduced into American waters are much more aggressive than the carp introduced to Canadian lakes. It is a fascinating study, and I'm sure none of you clowns are familiar with what is, in educated fields, a well-known fact.

If anyone out there wants to attack me, feel free, because it's obvious you know nothing of the Asian Carp's history and near-demise, and I have studied this extensively. Clowns.

I don't think I can be done. But I did try to do Set.

That and your other one on her made me laugh out loud.

Chumly:

I'm an electrical instructor not a fish-lover but I'll tell you what I know about Asian Carp. They stink up the kitchen when you cook them. My wife knows I don't like the smell of fish in the house and I've told her to keep the windows open but she just refuses to do it. In frustration, I called my counsellor and he told me about something called Febreeze. So, I ran right out and bought it because I wanted to sleep with my wife that night, and I sprayed it all around and you know what, it worked. No fish smell. One less thing to talk to the counsellor about.

Carpe diem, people.

(no offense intended, Chum)

Mame


So last night, I got another call from the president of the company I cooked for up in the Kootenays. I’m being shipped out again. This outfit is not one of my better ideas but will roll over and keep me busy before the wedding. We are going to have outhouses (thank you Jabba, I will explain about him at a later time) but this job should be a piece of cake despite the accommodation.)

I need some more ideas on how to cook the Asian Carp that are swimming about in the waters up there. I’m thinking this will be a good meal for the men and cheap at half the price as we can catch our own and not have to rely on the grocery drops.

So... two of the men this time! Others will follow.

First of all, there's Alfie (Michael to his buds) who rambles on and on about movies ad infinitum... (hence Michael Caine " oh, please, do stop with the movie quotes! ) He’s actually a great guy and I think we will have some quite good quiz nights.

Then, my boss, Jabba " he’s been nicknamed for the ridiculous huts we are supposed to be living in. He's also a bit of card shark. I've already warned him that I don't do bears and I won't tolerate it if they don’t clear up the kitchen after they’ve been in. There will be no further cooking from this girl if my kitchen is a mess. Pffft. Men. Give me a woman any day.

The rest of the crew arrives Tuesday and I have to prepare a delicious and nutritious meal to keep these men going. I’m hoping this is going to be the most fun trip ever. Ayii yii yii

So, whoo hoo! Looks like we'll have another thread about cooking and I need your help. For Tuesday night I found some good recipes. What do you think?

Fried Asian Carp.
2 pounds of scored fillets
Salt
Fresh ground pepper
Deep fryer with oil heated to 375° F to 400° F
Commercial frying coating (dry)
Smaller 1- to 5-pound fish have fine bones that readily dissolve when exposed to hot oil. Do not use large fish as they have much thicker bones that do not break down as easily. Most fish markets will sell the fish prescored for your convenience. Use light coatings, and avoid heavy batters that smother the scoring and which may leave the bones intact.
Salt and pepper the fillets, and let them rest in the refrigerator for an hour. Dredge the fillets in the commercial frying coating, and place in hot oil. Remove when golden brown, and serve with lemon wedges as a finger food or as a fish sandwich


Smoked Asian Carp (Savory)
5 pounds bighead or silver carp steaks or fillets (skin on)
1cup coarse kosher salt
1 cup sugar
1 tbsp. fresh ground pepper
1 bunch fresh baby dill
Smoked Asian Carp (Sweet)
5 pounds bighead or silver carp steaks or fillets (skin on)
1cup coarse kosher salt 1 tbsp. fresh ground pepper
1 cup brown sugar
4 cups apple juice
2 sticks cinnamon

Smoker: charcoal and smoking chips (hickory, cherry or apple wood chips)
Smoking is a good way to prepare larger 5- to 30-pound fish. The light, oily texture of the meat readily absorbs the smoke flavor. The smoking process also loosens the bones and allows for easy extraction after cooking. Taste testers found both versions of the carp to be comparable to smoked whitefish or salmon.

Savory: Line up fillets/steaks on non-reactive pan or tray. Coat both sides with salt, pepper and dill. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate overnight.

Sweet: Place fillets/steaks in non-reactive bowl. Add remaining ingredients: salt, pepper, brown sugar, apple juice and cinnamon. Mix lightly until sugar and salt dissolve. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate overnight.

Soak wood chips in water one hour before smoking. Fire up charcoal until covered with a light ash. Fill water pan to create steam in smoker and keep fish from drying out.

Remove fish from marinade. Place on wire racks in the refrigerator for one hour. Be sure to put a pan under the rack to catch drippings. The fish will develop a slight glaze. Lightly oil grill and position marinated fish on the rack. Add a handful of smoking chips to charcoal and close cooker. Replenish chips every 20-30 minutes. Most fish will be cooked in two to four hours, but this will vary with weather conditions and desired depth of smokiness. Finished fillets will have golden honey to mahogany color, depending on preference and type of wood chips used. Cooked fish will flake easily and will become opaque.

Allow fish to cool, and serve "as is" or use in recipes that traditionally call for smoked salmon.

Poached Silver Salad Sandwich
2 pounds bighead or silver carp fillets (skin off)
1 lemon
Fresh ground pepper
Salt
Fresh baby dill
Sandwich Stuff
Mayonnaise
Fresh ground pepper
Celery, chopped
Red and yellow pepper slices
Cucumber slices
Lettuce
Tomato slices
Dill pickle
Cheese slices (optional)
Fresh bagel or favorite sandwich bread

Squeeze the juice of 1 lemon on the fillets. Salt and pepper fillets to taste. Coarsely chop a small bunch of dill, and sprinkle it on the fillets. Steam in an open foil packet until fillets become opaque and flake easily with a fork. Allow fish to cool and remove meat with a fork, separating from the bones.

Mix flaked fish with mayonnaise, ground pepper, celery and red and yellow pepper slices to taste. Chill salad in refrigerator. Serve salad on bread with side ingredients: cucumber slices, lettuce, tomato, pickle and cheese.



Any other ideas for marinades would be great. Something for everyone, there had better be no complaints.

I am thinking of taking a fiddle this time. The harmonica last time just didn’t do it for the drillers.

I am so excited

I plan to do my wall hanging something along the lines of this.



but as always, I will include something about each driller on it.

Tequila shots for later.

I must go now as I have wedding invitations to write and I only get to use this computer for a one hour each day.


Ciao for tonight.


(and I didn't say that with an accent)

Excellent, Izzie. Thanks for doing Mame.