Coming to a Lake Near You!
Renegade carp meet their Waterloo today... find out how they die
Goal: Asian carp among the dead
BY TINA LAM
FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER
The largest fish kill in Illinois history -- expected to net 100 tons of fish including, hopefully, some Asian carp -- is to start today south of Chicago in an attempt to make sure none of the feared carp make it past an electric barrier while it is shut down for maintenance.
Asian silver carp in the Illinois River can jump up to 10 feet out of the water when boat motors disturb them. They often injure boaters. (NERISSA MICHAELS/Illinois River Biological Station)
Dutchy and Big Red are frantically heading towards to the Great Lakes to catch some whoppers. TRYagain is here to warn DUtchy, the difference between a fish and a piano is you can't tuna fish.
What do you call a slippery news reporter? Of course, Koi-respondent Wandeljw reported that Asian Carp Finally Spook The Feds
Feb 11 2010
It's a modern-day eco-horror story: Asian carp are slowly creeping up the Mississippi, en route to Lake Michigan, slipping through various barriers that humans have put in place. Once they reach the Great Lakes, the effects could be horrendous"the carp have a tendency to gobble up everything in sight and could overrun the place, crowding out trout and other native species.
In order to maintain focus on other interesting matters in the Winter Olympics it has been noted that Curling
has become a Red Hot International Sport Down Under. I heard it thru the grapevine, whilst singing in the shower, that DadPad curled MumPad’s toes which truly upset to me to the point of throwing my soap on a rope, which promply flew back and wahshed out my mouth. This panthyhose revelation brings new meaning to protection during intercourse... caviar, sole and crabby if the first two weren't fulfilling.
For my sins, the most I could muster up whilst visiting DDxx Down Unders was to see the pink curlers in her hair. Tho the pinks were not complaining.
Finally, with all the going-on with on with Fishy Stories...
One day God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old china, I want you to make me a new Ark".
Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being, Anything you want.. After all, you're the guv" .
But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch." This time Noah, I want not just a couple of decks, I want 20 decks one on top of the
"20 DECKS!", screams Noah, "Well, OK Big Man whatever you say. Should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?"
"Yep, that's right, well, sort of right, this time I want you to fill it up with fish", God answers.
"Fish?", queries Noah?
"Yep, fish, well, to make it more specific Noah, I want carp - wall to wall, floor to ceiling - Carp!"
Noah looks to the skies. "OK God my old mucker, let me get this right, you want a New Ark?"
"With 20 decks, one on top of the other?".
"And you want it full of Carp?".
"Why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether.
"Dunno", says God, "I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark".
This will suit our Missy from Bama who has been having carp-ooling nightmares with extended number of chillern in the car. However, the Mobile transport system is wlling to lend a hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand hand with the newest form of school travel on the octobus. Hoping this will help with the problems.
Patiently waiting for the long requested return of the cicerone imposter to provide the A2Carp hats for all our fisherfolk.
And why, it is in beyond my sensibilities, do they keep calling me “RIVER” Could it be the biggest part of me is my MOUTH? Surely not.
Gutted, I tell ya, Gutted.
That, along with my carpal tunnel syndrome (who knew!) which is giving me cause for conern I must apologise for my brevity. Do excuse me, I can see Jes and CJ coming to investigate the fishy attributes I have alluded to and I must sCARPer... before they carp my writings.
I've tossed another one in the bucket... and you would not believe the one that got away