@Robert Gentel,
Here, i missed this (it's hard to step around all the turds which have been liberally littered in this thread, and i have tended to scroll rapidly). Yes, my experience of the failure of my brother's loyalty, after he expected it of me had a profound influence on my attitudes. Very often, in the situation you describe, if you object to the bullying, you will become the target yourself--and them you might be treated to the prospect of seeing the person defended slink away once you have become the target. By and large, though, i express personal loyalty by simply not criticizing my acquaintance in public, and supporting them if they are criticized, unless i consider that they have been outrageous. Hence, the problem i face which has lead me to start this tread.
Thank you for your comments about what you have said about me. I do not in fact hold grudges, but so long as someone has attacked and never makes a friendly overture thereafter, and especially when i attempt to be conciliatory and it is brushed aside, then i consider that they have no claim on me for civility or consideration. Some people here seemed to have decided that i was their enemy quite early on, and have never retreated from that position. I don't consider that they have any claim on me for decent treatment.