WHAT IS THE HONORABLE RESPONSE?

Setanta, feel free to tell me when you don't agree with me. No hard feelings. I will start out by telling you, I disgaree with your post dissing M*A*S*H*. I love that series. Too bad there is no razzberry emoticon to add.

See if you can follow this without getting hot under the collar.

Honour is about "living with yourself".

It is not in your overt nature to offer a straight apology, but you are having problems reconciling yourself with your "public image" in the aftermath of some heated exchanges .You therefore seek to re-establish a dialogue in which an objectivised "self" is set up as a "receiver of advice" thereby reconstructing itself as a listener as well as a speaker.

As one of your recent protagonists (perhaps as a result of your rejection of my view of "self") , I would merely remark that we all indulge in such "image smoothing", but the key is not to take ourselves too seriously. I am not suggesting you are being consciously "ingenuous", rather I am reporting my own "self" observations. Such observations would be useless if they were judgemental.

I've never considered you one to hold back from defending your position, but you generally defend your position with a fair amount of attitude and I think that could definitely jar someone you considered a friend. The same post without so much aggression would probably be received in the way it was intended (while those sharp angles in your typical replies often seem like they are designed to draw blood.)

Must

Not

Take

Cheap

Shot . . .

There have been several instances in the last few weeks, and, no, i won't be discussing them or naming names.

Edgar, you ignorant slut . . .

I liked the early episodes, despite knowing that they bore little resemblance to the real life of a surgical hospital in the field. I began to despise it when Alan Alda took over "creative control." Go back to that thread and look at JoefromChicago's comment.

Where is your pinkie finger when you drink a cup of tea?
1. Pinkie finger extended? Graduate of charm or prep school;
2. Pinkie finger used to support tea cup? Never attended charm or prep school;
3. Pinkie finger simultaneously stuck up one's nose while holding the cup of tea? Charm or prep school dropout.

There are certainly times when it is my intent to draw blood. But there are also times when i'm kidding around, or simply responding in a normal manner, with no intent to offend, and people take offense anyway. That's the water off a duck's back thing. This is about people whom i like and respect making comments which offend my basic sense of decency.

I used to feel the same way...if I read you correctly...that when certain things are said, you feel it is ethically demanded of you to disagree publicly, or by your silence, you give tacit approval. I genuinely had this feeling, though now only through your thread query do I remember feeling that way. It's been a while.

I don't know exactly how it happened or why, but that ingrained 'responsibility' has been lifted from me. Certainly on the internet, but even with certain people in my physical life. I used to chafe mightily when I heard insensitive remarks based on religious views, or comments that gave evidence to weird racial beliefs... primarily from my mother. But, I guess because she's old... I keep my mouth shut now... as I find I do more often in other situations. We're here, for the most part, to share opinions...and I intend to, but I pass up many more opportunities to 'share' when it's a disagreement now than I did before. It's much less compelling now, though I couldn't tell you why.

If it's a close friend, and you are really concerned about what his/her opinion is... I think I'd PM. If you think you being a friend to them...and being perceived to agree tacitly with a damning opinion of his/hers... hurts you with others... I would say check your motivation to reply publicly. Sometimes, as I'm sure you know, we leave ourselves swinging in the wind for a close friend. Generally, we trust those who know us to give us the benefit of the doubt...and let others think as they will.

Anyway, I hope you can find a resolution that gives you peace.

The self-righting practice of seppuku. It's typically a one time deal.

Bingo

Somebody give that Goth lady a ceegar . . .

In all seriousness, there are two issues with this...

1) It is very easy to offend your sense of dignity... it seems to happen multiple times daily. Most of us are able to disagree with people without having our sense of dignity involved.

2) When your sense of dignity is "offended" it results in a stream of insults, name-calling and personal attacks that is beyond what any reasonable person would call "civil discourse".

The number of name-calling tirades from you, Setanta, is far higher than from anyone else on Able2know.

I didn't read the entire thread. In fact just skimmed and read your post. Will go back.

I would consider forgetting about having a basic sense of decency. It's a Christian concept isn't it?

I find it kind of funny that people are quick to think they they may have offend you Set. I would have actually thought you had a rather thick skin and don't get offended very easily. This would lead me to believe that what ever did offend you was a bit of a serious nature.

Though I dont wade into many of the political threads, and only dab my toe in a few of the religious threads, I would assume it was around one of these.

Sorry I upset you. I know I can be a bit of a rough talker, but you deserved it I'm sure.

Watch yer back, Boyo . . . i'm gonna make you pay and pay . . .

I can't imagine you saying something which i would find offensive, unless you started to badmouth The Girl. If ever you do, i'll be sure to let you know.

Thinking back, I remember an occasion: I'd been agreeing with the views publicly of someone who then took a departure from anything I could agree with...frankly, I can see how readers would associate me with that blisteringly bad comment, because of my previous agreement. I was horrified, because I HAD to disassociate myself (I felt), but even though I saw that "friend" in a new, disturbing light, I wasn't prepared to humiliate them in front of other people. I couched it carefully. I said something to the effect, "While I agree with a lot of what you've said many times, I should draw a distinction with your last comment..." I tried to say it in such a way as not to "call them out," and that uncharacteristic soft-pedalling made me feel like a hypocrite, because if anyone else had said it...I would have been all over them. I guess I should say it MADE me a hypocrite.

I have had many conversations in pubs with ladies who have expoused the most horrific points of view but I have let it pass in the service of a higher principle.

Dialogue is a social transaction is which both "selves" benefit or the dialogue ceases. You are evoking the word "hypocracy" after a particular transaction. The "selves" have moved on from the previous pay-off situation. Its all about contextual dynamics rather than static definitions.