Mon 23 Nov, 2009 01:42 pm
Okay, so I've been going out with somebody for about five months now. This may not sound like a long time, but for me, it's a pretty big achievement. Things are going well for the most part, but I'm learning a lot about how this couple stuff is supposed to work, and sometimes those lessons have been quite painful.
One thing I've learned is that no matter how good your intentions, you never know what tiny little thing is going to blow up in your face and become a huge argument. For instance, yesterday, we went to the store to buy a shower curtain for my bathtub. She has been bugging me to clean up my disgusting mildewy shower for a while, so I figured this would be a happy occasion for her. Now I think that maybe I should have just done the damn shower curtain shopping on my own and saved myself a lot of aggravation.
I had a good idea of the shower curtain I wanted. I like the dark maroon fabric shower curtain that I had up until that point, and I wanted to get another one like that. She had a different idea. She doesn't like the fabric shower curtains, because she says they are more susceptible to mildew, and she hated the dark shower curtain. She liked the plastic (or maybe they were vinyl--either way, they were not the ones I had already kind of decided on in my mind) shower curtains with the simple black and white pattern design.
This launched an epic battle that I'm sure hasn't often been seen in the aisles of any retail location. We proceeded to argue about this for about twenty minutes in the store, until finally we agreed that I would just get these stupid clear plastic shower curtains that neither of us liked. And the argument was over. Or so I thought.
As we were walking home from the store, we continued to argue, because neither of us was actually happy about how it turned out. At one point, while she was still trying to explain for the third or fourth time why I was wrong, and I was begging her to stop talking about it because I didn't want to be all pissed off like this about stupid shower curtains, I got so frustrated that I just stopped in the street and let out an exasperated yell as loud as I could. Like a lunatic. Over shower curtains. I couldn't help it. It was just so goddammed frustrating.
Is this how it works in a couple situation? Do you have to have stupid arguments like this? What stupid things have you argued about with your partner/spouse/significant other? How did the issue get resolved? Has anyone ever ended up splitting up because of something ridiculous like this? Yes, I know, it's not the shower curtains that we were really fighting over, but still, it just seems like it shouldn't have become such an issue.
What do you think, A2K? I will probably check in later. Right now I have to go put up some crappy plastic shower curtains that I hate.
Wait until you start squeezing the toothpaste in the wrong place, kicky.
Yes -- most arguments start over something minor and then escalate into broader (you never listen to me) arguments.
In this case, I'd say you can have whatever shower curtain you want unless she's planning on moving in. If she is then I'd suggest his and her tubes of toothpaste.
I find big arguments about little things usually indicate the real problems are not being addressed. However, sometimes a shower curtain fight is just a shower curtain fight. You probably both need to apologize.
This is what happens with me. My wife will complain about a "little thing". If I try to defend myself or point out the insignificance of her complaint, she tells me that I am not being a gentleman.
By the way, kicky, are you sure it's been 5 months? Going by your previous posts it seems like only 2-3 months (only joking).
I feel for you.
It seems a little bit controlling on her part to be telling you what kind of shower curtain to get-- It's not like you're starting a new home.
She had a good point about replacing it, especially if it was grungy, but she went a bit too far. I give you a lot of credit for trying to go along with her, but she went overboard.
If you were my boyfriend, kicky, I'd have been thrilled you wanted to replace the curtain and I would not have dictated what kind to replace it. Hell, I wouldn't have even wanted to go to the store with you, unless we were in l-u-v Love, because that's when it's impossible to be apart.
How do you feel about this woman? Honestly.
two words Kick...makeup sex. the glass is always half full.
There are heavy vinyl shower curtains that are treated to resist mildew.
You put them on the inside of the bathtub, and have a nice cloth liner on the outside.
Now, let's start talking about curtain rings. Don't tell me you bought those shitty plastic round ones.
Classic idiotic fight at the Chai house....
Do you need anything from the store?
A half gallon of milk.
Why do you ALWAYS ask for a half gallon of milk, and then NEVER even drink any of it? Every week I'm pouring sour milk down the drain.
Well YOU never drink any of it either!
That's because I drink SOY milk.
Well this week I'm gonna drink a milk shake EVERY night.
Oh, you are NOT!
it happens, don't sweat it.
I agree with you wholeheartedly in terms of the shower curtain - the fabric ones are SO much easier to wash, they fit in the washing machine better - and dry hanging up much more quickly and easily and with less wrinkling than the vinyl ones - and if she insists you can always get a vinyl shower curtain liner - and I've kept house for twenty-five years and done all the laundry for that long and I would NEVER, ever buy a plastic/vinyl shower curtain again.
I've never been in a relationship with anyone who gave a **** about the shower curtain though. The home decorating details were always left to me - thank god - as were the naming of the children and the offers on which house in which neighborhood - so I have no idea what it's like to be in a relationship with someone who cares about things like shower curtains. Sorry....
he doesn't want a quart.
he wants a half gallon.
wait, I don't want to hijack this shower curtain thread.
elephants come in gallons
my husband comes out of the kitchen and asks me why we don't have any milk.
Im just happy that the boy is finally hooking up.
No, it comes in litres
Actually, I don't think it's her place to tell you, never mind argue over, what kind of shower curtain to get in YOUR house. Very presumptuous. Let this be a lesson to you - don't involve her again.
And no, not everybody argues about this kind of stuff. I certainly don't. I ask how important it is, really, in my life, then let it go. That said, it IS your house and you could have just said, "Thanks for your opinion, but I prefer these" and just bought the ones you wanted. What else is she going to want to weigh in on?
1THE FEMALE MAKES UP THE RULES
2THERE IS NO RULE 2... IN ALL OTHER SITUATIONS , REFER BACK TO RULE 1
whoa whoa whoa there.
who are we to say kicky's chick is being presumptuous?
every relationship moves at their own pace, and maybe she is at the place where she tells him to **** can the shower curtain.
If she taking baths or showers at his place, she's got a say so in the shower curtain issue.
I don't think idiotic arguments automatically add up to unresolved problems.
sometimes it's just an idiotic argument.
It is safe to assume that a chick is being presumptuous (until proven otherwise). They are always being presumptuous.
I bet that Kicky hasn't commented on (or particularly complained about) any feature in his girlfriends apartment. If he has, she certainly would never change it for him.
It is Kicky's apartment. Of course she is being presumptuous.
I have a cheap vinyl shower curtain liner. If it gets scungy, I throw it out. It doesn't though, since I always put the overhead fan on.. And, to the outside, I have a good fabric shower curtain.
No, I don't, I'm fibbing - I used to. I took those fabric curtains from Restoration Hardware and used them in the living room here.. they work well because of the rather unusual top of the window height in this house. So, since I did that, I moved up to a slightly less cheap white vinyl shower curtain.
My ex and I rarely argued - and let that be a lesson. Sometimes arguments are good things. Not about shower curtains though. Anyway, on household decor choices we tended to agree, which was useful. i could say he liked my taste, but it was somewhat reciprocal. Time passed. Now his new wife is studying interior design...
So, is girlfriend living with you? Possession is nine tenths of the law, or something like that - whose apartment exactly is it?
I learned something very valuable in a management class once. If someone is telling you the same argument over and over again, they are doing it because they don't think you understand their point. The way to get over that is to stop trying to tell them your point, listen to what they are saying and paraphrase it back to them in the form of a statement.
Loving girlfriend: "Kicky, I just think that a clear black and white pattern would look great in your bathroom and that vinyl stuff keeps up better!"
Kicky: "You think the black and white will match my decor and keep the mold down."
Kicky: "I can see that, but I just don't think it's me..."
When I heard this, I went home to practice with my wife. I was astounded at how effective it is. First, it forces you to really listen since you have to paraphrase it back (as a statement, not a question) and second, it reassures the other person that you absolutely heard and understood the message sent. Just a thought.