Fighting with your significant other about idiotic things.

Sounds like she's nesting... maybe she's preggers.

Ya know, I think some of these earliest arguments are really meta -- they're about how you argue whether than whatever the subject is.

Because that's very important information in a relationship -- there will be arguments, it won't always be sunshine and roses, and then what? How do you deal with it?

Our big loonies-in-aisle-five argument was about Tide. Probably about a year in to our relationship, maybe a bit less. We were grocery shopping, and I grabbed for the Tide. E.G. was dismissive of Tide -- the phrase "white trash" was employed. I quickly escalated into sputtering rage because of his tone and because WE ALWAYS USE TIDE. Both of us. We'd been doing laundry together for a while at that point. He insisted we didn't, and denial of reality is like my number-one rage trigger.

So there was yelling and screaming and gesticulating. But then he came to his senses and apologized for messing with me and noted for future reference that casual denial of reality doesn't go over well with me. And I agreed to not pitch such a scene-chewing fit next time. (I can pitch quite the fit if the circumstances are right.)

Anyway, point: fight was probably stupid, important part is what now. Can you communicate and move past it? Or will it be the sand in the maw of the relationship oyster that keeps gathering shimmering layers of resentment?

There are lots of examples here... but they all seem to end the same way.

Does anyone have an example where the man won the argument.... and the woman apologized?

squinney has apologized to me on more than one occasion when we disagreed and I was right. Doesn't happen often... but it has happened occasionally

Maybe another fight is in order.
The problem is, if kicky apologizes then it'll make him madder.

I apologized for wigging out -- the wigging was disproportionate to the messing.

So, we both did.

Having a "win" mentality is probably not conducive to healthy relationships, either.

it is very decent of her to let you think that way, bear...

That is one extraordinary woman Bear. Treat her well.

I always apologize when I get overly nutty about something, too.

I knew I was opening myself up to some hits with that response.

I agree with this unless you are living together? I think it quite untoward to dictate your shower curtain colour and material to you in your own home unless that home is also hers.

The grot aspect is reasonable, I think. I wouldn't shower with a yucky mouldy thing.

But...I don't think that's what you were asking?

As for the arguments.....dunno.

I think Soz made great points.

I have only had major arguments in one relationship, and towards the end of another....but that domestic stuff is a killer if you are living together. It bites really deep in my experience, and it's one of those issues that is really important to deal with.

I don't know that the DIFFERENCES can be dealt with, but figuring out how to live with them is.

I have to say that sounds like a lot of Sturm and Drang about a shower curtain.

I am wondering if you guys (or she) have been hanging back on a few issues, and this fight was about them?

That being said, if someone I wasn't living with pulled that over an item in my place (unless it was more than just aesthetic) I'd likely have told 'em where to go. Well, actually I HAVE told them where to go!

But that is likely dumb, as, if you are spending a lot of time at each other's places, I think some compromise is reasonable.

Tide is SO not white trash.

It's the best detergent out there.

I have found out it's not a good idea to do what I did, in very similar circumstances in the street:

Don't shout "Will you shut up, you stupid bloody bitch!"

It takes a while for the relationship to get over that. If it ever does.

Of course the differences in the way men and women communicate has been well documented. Men are solution-oriented, whereas for women, the dialogue itself, the emotions conveyed, the subtext are more important than a tangible conclusion. But we're all experts in abstraction; when it comes to applying our understanding of the opposite sex in real-time, we piss our pants like little kids at the local museum's T-Rex exhibit.

This is where I step in, fuckeroos.

When she says, "shower curtain," what is she really talking about? Her father. And when she says "fabric," she means the facbric of her relationship with him. I don't even need to explain why "mildew" is symbolically congruent with alcoholism, do I? The key is to adopt her language in these situations. By doing so you enable her to speak, on her own terms, about what is too painful to address plainly.

Kicky, for the purposes of the following example, your girlfriend's name will be Alex. (Girls sometimes have boys names!)

Alex: What's that smell? Is that your garbage disposal?

Kicky: Don't you mean our "garbage disposal"?

Alex: What the **** are you talking about?

Kicky: . . .

Alex: Seriously. You need to clean that out.

Kicky: I understand that you have needs. And I am willing to experiment with any position or fantasy you desire.

Alex: Are you high?

Kicky: (looking deep into her eyes) It's not your fault.

Alex: Hold me.

In short, Kicky, you're going to have to confront Alex about her father's drinking problem. And you're going to have to clean out your garbage disposal. But let's focus on one thing at a time. As soon as that curtain is up, lead Alex into the bathroom. There, hand her a baseball bat or a knife. Encourage her to let her revenge fantasy play out.

Then, take her to Ponderosa.

I get it.

You are saying that even though Tide really is White Trash... I have to buy it anyway so that Chai's feelings don't get hurt.

Tide rules! Not that liquid stuff either, the regular power.

If you mean, "buy white trash," then yes, exactly.

Such a poetic analogy was totally unexpected.

I didn't think mildew was father's alcoholism?

I don't remember what it was though.. Cancer?

I was going for purpley.