Fighting with your significant other about idiotic things.

@roger,

It's a keeper all right!!!

0 Replies

@kickycan,

Quote:

Is this how it works in a couple situation?

Hopefully, NO!

Quote:

Do you have to have stupid arguments like this?

NO, you don't! Here's what I've always done: on trivial **** like shower curtains, agree to a compromise. OK, you say, you can have this kind of shower curtain if _I_ can have [insert request here]...

Quote:

What stupid things have you argued about with your partner/spouse/significant other?

Nothing really stupid, just important stuff like, er, Money.

Quote:

How did the issue get resolved?

Through written agreements (honest!). Many years ago now, and neither of us can recall them now. Still, it seemed to matter A LOT at the time.

Quote:

Has anyone ever ended up splitting up because of something ridiculous like this?

Oh, YES! Happens all the time: usually over which way the toilet paper should go (over, or under?).

Quote:

Yes, I know, it's not the shower curtains that we were really fighting over, but still, it just seems like it shouldn't have become such an issue.

You're RIGHT, kicky, it should not have become such an issue.

And kudos to you for knowing this argument is NOT about shower curtains. Unless she lives with you, your shower curtains are your business.

One thing I've learned in marriage (sorry, bad word!) is to Pick Your Fights!

If you really don't care all that much about which way the toilet paper (or shower curtain) goes, let her do it the way she wants it. If you DO care, Make a Deal.

OK, you say, if you feel really committed to this type of shower curtain, you need to know that _I_ feel really committed to [trivial household thing]. If I let you determine the shower curtain, will you let me determine the [trivial household thing]?

How odd that husband and I just bought a new shower curtain this past weekend. We bought one that's neither masculine nor feminine (fish on a reef thingie), but was still fairly cheap.

We were (and are) both happy with our choice, and no fighting was necessary.

Don't waste your time/emotional energy on trivial ****! Make A Deal, and put it behind you!

1 Reply

Quote:

I got so frustrated that I just stopped in the street and let out an exasperated yell as loud as I could. Like a lunatic.

I think this is the perfect response. For the rest of your relationship you can use the words, "shower curtain" as a keyword for, "SHUT THE **** UP OR I'M GOING TO STAND IN THE STREET AND SHOUT LIKE A ******* LUNATIC!!!!"

See --- you never have to do that again. Just say, "I'm recalling the shower curtain incident." If she doesn't let it drop then, well...., you've got bigger problems than shower curtains.

1 Reply

@BorisKitten,

BorisKitten wrote:

NO, you don't! Here's what I've always done: on trivial **** like shower curtains, agree to a compromise. OK, you say, you can have this kind of shower curtain if _I_ can have [insert request here]...

Okay, you can have your stupid shower curtain - if I can have a pony.

2 Replies

@roger,

I seem to recall a rant from a few years ago about neighbors not using (or putting up, could've been both things) curtains.

So, what is this obsession with hanging fabric/vinyl?

1 Reply

@kickycan,

kickycan wrote:

Is this how it works in a couple situation? Do you have to have stupid arguments like this? What stupid things have you argued about with your partner/spouse/significant other? How did the issue get resolved? Has anyone ever ended up splitting up because of something ridiculous like this? Yes, I know, it's not the shower curtains that we were really fighting over, but still, it just seems like it shouldn't have become such an issue.

We haven't had an argument like that, over a trivial matter like that, in a long time. Years and years. Now, we just leave the issue alone until one or the other capitulates. Once he's come to his senses, we do it the right way and everything is fine, though it can take months to get anything done.

I'm only kidding. Well some of it is true. Sometimes it takes months to decide on big ticket items and the allocation of dollars. He wants a new queen size bed for the cottage. It is low on my priority list. He tells me he wants one, I reply it's low on my priority list. We've gone back and forth for months. He finally said he was just going to buy one. I replied, "I can't stop you." Shrugs shoulders. The end. Will we have a big fight if he really does it? Nope. But if he has a hairy fit when I buy the new sliding door for home (which we both agree we need) I'll give him the finger and move on.

Does that help? Laughing

1 Reply

@sozobe,

Very good point, Soz.

It can be hard living for 20+ years in a tiny-ish house that you remodel twice. Somehow we managed to come to agreement given likes and dislikes and our choices changed mostly together - the house always reflected both of us with neither icked out about any choices. Ex was pretty sharp and picked up design concepts readily - many times his ideas were better/we learned from each other. The angst came over other stuff and subsequent shutdown of communication. Big flag, both of us had parents who used silence as a weapon. Now that's deadly.

0 Replies

@roger,

Quote:

Okay, you can have your stupid shower curtain - if I can have a pony.

A BUNNY, you silly-head, a Bunny! Sheesh.

0 Replies

@Joeblow,

Quote:

He tells me he wants one, I reply it's low on my priority list.

Ya know, I have a friend (female) who's husband "surprised her" with:

A) A fishing trip to Costa Rica for 2 weeks, excluding her...
AND
B) A brand-new Harley, also excluding her...

They've been married for over 20 years. And YES, she does work and makes about 1/2 their household income.

They never had a cross word about either issue. Is she a Saint? I dunno, I worked with her, and she was pretty bossy.

Now if MY husband did these things without so much as a word to me before-hand, well...

0 Replies

I think this is much simpler than we all thought: This is kicky's way of telling
us that he's in a serious relationship.

0 Replies

@roger,

Yeh, sand in the maw can be a problemo, and I think all relationships gather those sand granulomas..

On apologizing, in my main relationship experience, both of us apologized when appropriate since most of our differences over the decades weren't bile matches. On the other hand, when we broke up, no apologies apparent on either side.

I agree with Dlowan back on her post, re whose place is it, and even if it is one person's lease, if living together is happening, some compromise makes sense... maybe... at least I'll listen to that argument, if not end up agreeing. Mostly though, I'm straight out if it is your place it is your decision what damned shower curtain you pick.

And design tastes vary. Just talk to two designers across a table.

To the extent ex and I made it all those years we did make it, it was because we didn't impose "you have to like/do this" on each other - just about never.

The black and white vinyl thing sounds dead in the water.

0 Replies

Don't try teaching her to drive kicky.

1 Reply

@spendius,

Here comes retroboy in his swirling cape..

0 Replies

@kickycan,

http://giovanniworld.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/hyena-laughing.jpg

0 Replies

@McTag,

McTag wrote:

I have found out it's not a good idea to do what I did, in very similar circumstances in the street:

Don't shout "Will you shut up, you stupid bloody bitch!"

It takes a while for the relationship to get over that. If it ever does.

You didn't really say that, did you, McT? No way, Jose. No way!

???

0 Replies

@JPB,

JPB wrote:

See --- you never have to do that again. Just say, "I'm recalling the shower curtain incident." If she doesn't let it drop then, well...., you've got bigger problems than shower curtains.

Actually, after 20 years some of our arguments go like that.

"I'm mad about the recycling."

"Well, we discussed that on the trip to Lubbock in '98, and I followed that rule."

"But we amended that rule after the Great Potato Peel Incident of '04."

"You're right! I'm sorry, hon. Peanut butter apologies."

1 Reply

@jespah,

jespah wrote:

I seem to recall a rant from a few years ago about neighbors not using (or putting up, could've been both things) curtains.

So, what is this obsession with hanging fabric/vinyl?

Fighting with your significant other about idiotic things.

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know