Need an exit strategy from a verbally abusive marriage

And WTF do you know? You are the most misogynic person I have ever
seen resp. read about. You are the one who promotes marital rape because
if a woman says no, she means yes. You're the one who has no regard for
any feeling a woman might have, and you're the one who should stay out of
these kind of threads as you do more harm than good. I truly feel sorry for
your wife if you indeed have one.

He is very passive aggressive. You are correct on that. However, I got the protective order because I was able to prove to a judge that he is dangerous to me. I did not have to lie to get it.

LOL - yes very much agreed.

You are right. I no longer have respect for him. In the 12 years we were together, he did not accomplish anything toward our future. He was a big hinderance to what we could have been.

It was not healthy for me to remain in the environment that he was a part of. Surely suicide would have been an overaction to his passive agressiveness. I was too close to that. Thankfully, I found people that showed me his behaviors were harmful to me. I am doing what I need for me. I just want him to let me go.

Multiple be the chuckles.

Gee wiz, I sure am lucky to get thrown off this thread
by someone with as much authority and jurisdiction as U have, Hawkeye !



Its a good thing that I take u as seriously as I do !





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Then I guess he deserves to be hosed. I didn't see the post where you described that (but I haven't been reading every line, so my bad.)

I don't wish him more trouble in finding a job and it is unfortunate that I had to take measures to protect myself. I am not heartless. I wish him the best, but I must look out for me first and foremost.

David, as the original poster of this thread I hearby request that you continue to post as you see fit. You are a thoughtful individual and I respect your opinions, no matter what others may say about you.

Thank u, MBC; u r very kind.

Hawkeye 's comments have had no effect upon me.





David

The court denied the request for the counseling.

Not sure where to go from here. I already know that legally I don't have to provide alimony and we agreed on the assest splits. The only reason not soon enough to be ex contested was to delay things.

I wonder if there are any DIY forms I can send to the court to get this matter finished...?

To be on the safe side,
u r better off getting a new matrimonial lawyer.

Whatever 's worth doing, is worth doing well.
'Cause it might be important; u never can tell.

So no matter how little it seems at the start,
if u do it, then do it with all of your heart !





David

Good point David.

I have no idea re the legal moves, but wish you finished re the court stuff.

I imagine that's a good thing? At least you don't have to wait forever for an appt. you don't even want.

Yep, a new, darned-good lawyer would be the thing right now.

Good thing. Yes.

It's wishful thinking I know but I had hoped the counseling would show him that he is 'not great' like he thinks he is. I accept that I am not perfect, but no one deserves to be controlled that way.

Ah well, it's not my job to save him from himself.

Hallelujah! He (finally) got a job with health benefits.

I would have to agree that finding a new lawyer is the best idea. If you are not sure what to do next, then that is the most obvious choice. I am glad you are not letting things get you down.

He is just being petty about the birthday card, I would not have sent one either. It is true that it is something that could have been used against you later. Any claims that he makes about wanting to remain friends should be firmly shot down (be polite if you choose). If you receive a card from him in the mail I would reccomend never opening it and just return to sender. That should make your stance perfectly clear if he has not caught on yet. I'm sure it will just fuel more rumors about how 'horrible' you are being, but you don't have to care what he says anymore.

I am very interested in your situation. I was involved in a very similar situation with my first husband, but his abusive nature became physical when he realized it was over.
Most importantly, seek the advice of a "great" divorce lawyer, you will know what situations apply in the State where you live. Laws on property can be very different. A former employee of mine finally left her abusive husband after 19 years of marriage. She almost made a clean get-a-way, but when she tried to get car insurance in her name exclusively, the insurance company sent a notice to her husband to make sure he was aware of what she was doing. Made things very sticky.
I haven't had time to read all 9 pages, so others may have already given you the same advice, but I will check back later to read everything.
David has given you very good advice, frankly if nobody but you knows you are leaving, then the likelyhood of him finding out is slim.

The fact that you have thought this out so well indicates to me that this man is more of a threat than you want to admit. Please take every precaution, and ignore your mother regarding the idea that "he loves you", he doesn't love you enough to treat you like a partner, and why should you waste the rest of your life in a terrible situation. My first husband isolated me from friends and family and it took me 3 years to finally figure out what was happening. He wanted my parents to love him more than me, and if you think that's a crazy notion, I promise it isn't. My Dad told me that my former husband used to complain that he did all the housework, did the grocery shopping while I spent my time in front of the TV....When I asked him why he said something that was not true, his answer was "Well, they believed it". I'll bet anyone here who has ever been in an abusive relationship will recognize the arrogance of that statement, and probably had similar conversations with their crazy spouses.

Good luck, I'll check back later, time to fire up the grill.

P.S. There is life after a bad marriage..I thought I would never get married again then met a wonderful man and changed my mind. We celebrated 31 years of marriage last Feb....I didn't know life could be this good.

Congratulations, Cat !
Now he can afford to take good care of your dog.





David

Exactly David.

Here's to hoping he can find a place to live where they will allow her. She is a big dog but has a very sweet temperment.