Visiting a dying friend

Maybe I'll adopt that for my next sig line. I like the way you use it, though I don't at all like the way things are going.

she is now confined to bed, is on oxygen, and has a terrible cough. I think the end is near.

Mags... thinking of you gal.

Strength coming your way - for you and yours and for your friend and her family. I hope peace will find her soon.

(((((((((((((((Mags))))))))))))))) big hug, big love. x

today I talked with her youngest daughter, one of the two who recently had babies. She asked how I was doing, and I told her not well. we talked about her mother's long history with me, and about she and dthe other kids who literally grew up in my house. What memories we made. After the phone call, I cried for awhile. My friend is sleeping most of the time, gets breathless when she talks, and is wheeing badly. But her daughter says when she wakes up she is smiling and in a good frame of mind. I think she is ready to go.

Hey Mags.... how are you? Thinking of you - hugs and love to you x

I'm doing ok. Just sad. I talked to my friend today. she called! She sounds weak, and she is wheezing when she talks, but says she isn't in any pain...just so tired. Then she made an old joke between us for when things aren't going well:
"The food in this restaurant is terrible." To which I replied, "and the portions are so small." We both laughed. I said, "well at least you met all your goals...you were there for the new babies." She agreed. She couldn't talk very long...I could tell she was exhausted. But we still connected. IT was nice.

ahhhhhhhh Mags - those jokes between friends... well, they just make you smile thinking about them A restaurant will make you smile and think of your friend when you pass one by - you'll wonder how small the portions are and feel yourself smiling inside.

My friend and I made memories this weekend - we have words.... phrases... we say them - then, laugh, sometimes - it's just a look we have to each other. True friendship is such a gift.

That connection is so special.

How lovely that she called you today. I'm so glad she isn't in pain - the painkillers that are making her so tired will take the edge off until she goes to sleep - I think that would be a blessing for her. Hoping she will remain pain free.

Thinking of you. Hoping you are well in yourself and hubby is OK.

Keep remembering those special times you had together. (((((Mags)))))

Oh, I forgot to tell you. We had good news on hubby's PSa....it's down to .3 from 9,0...a goodly drop. The therapy is working. We were very pleased.

HUgs to you, Izzie. Glad you and your friend made more memories over the weekend.

Mags - that is great news about hubby So pleased for both of you.


How are you today girl? Did you manage to get some sleep?

Thinking about you - 4th July on it's way and all the celebrations across the US will begin - hoping that there is a little time left for your friend to see this day thru. Hugs girl. x

She is on oxygen all the time now, and morphine. Her husband says she doesn't want to see anybody, even him. She sleeps most of the time. I suspect pneumonia will take her out. I hope it is soon for her sake. I am very very sad. I had a dream about her last night. She way still dying, but much more with it than she is in reality. I was angry about the mattress on her hospital bed, which sagged and had a tatty cover on it, and I was going to call Hospice for her and throw a fit about getting a new one. I am thinking of her, awake and asleep.

Yep Mags...

You will think of her, even subconciously.

Morphine - will help her sleep - she'll maybe drift away. She'll be peaceful then - no pain, no more tired.

Talk to her hubby when you feel able to - lean on each other if you feel the need to - even from a distance.



Sending you much love Mags. x

I'm really getting worried. We are suppose to leave to go to Massachussets to visit hubby's mother on the 21st of July. What if she dies while we're gone? We will be travelling by train. I am deathly afraid of flying. What if I can't make it to her funeral?

You'll have to get over the flying phobia. Attending your friend's service is more important than any phobia, right? Being forced to conquer that could be her last gift to you.

Yep Mags... getting on a plane if it comes to it - will be possible. You must believe that. EOE - spot on gal.

You know, your friend is giving you gifts still - to stand up in the church and say your piece - your poem to her - giving you your power in the church. If the timing is such that you will need to fly - who do you think will be holding your hand on the aeroplane? Hubby and your friend on her journey already.

You can and would do this, if it's meant to be then. I believe you can. Your friend will believe you can. Just as you will read your poem for all to hear, in a church long since visited with its fears of its own. You are strong lady. You can do this for your friend and for you.

I hope ... well, I hope it doesn't happen this way for you - but, if it does - I believe there will be a good reason.

When you're put in a situation that forces you to make a difficult choice - the heart usually wins over - phobias are in your mind - very real, very scary - however, you can do this. You can and will if needs be. Not just for your friend and her funeral - but for you. Your gift to her showing enormous courage that you will be with her to read your poem and send on her on her next journey, with love, from your words.

Hugging you big. Will be here. x

I've got a good idea....I'm going to call my doctor next week to get a prescription for xanax. That way when I fly I still think I'm going to die, but I don't care.

I talked to her husband today. He sounds so very tired. Her blood pressure is 71/40 and she is consuming about half a cup of liquid protein a day. She sleeps all the time, getting up only to go to the bathroom. Her husband had pains in his stomach last night. He said he thought it was nerves. He said he went outside for awhile and felt better. Poor guy...he's with it 24 hours a day.

I just talked to my friend. Her voice is wispy and soft. She said she wonders if she's doing this right. I said there is no right way; everyone has to make it up as they go along. She said she felt guilty about not calling people; I laughed and said : you're still a worry wart. She has always worried about everything. After I hung up the phone I started sobbing. It's so sad

Oh Mags - cry when you want to cry hun.

There is no "right" way to do it - her way is the only way. Your way to grieve is your way too. I hope that the meds will help take her mind away from feeling the guilt. Good for you for laughing with her. She'll need to hear that laughter - her hubby will be struggling - it must be getting harder for him each day - talk to her when you can - let her hear your voice and your laughter.

Cry whenever you need to, too.


How are you sleeping these nights? Have you got your consultants appointment date yet? Hubby OK?

Hugs Mags. xxxx

I called my friend's husband this morning. He answered, I asked how he was. He said, "not good," began sobbing and said he would call me back. I haven't heard from him since.

I sleep well about one night out of three. I still haven't heard from the neurologist, and have told by my personal physician to wait it out ,, that she is agood doc but a busy doc. I think she has a lousy staff, not returning calls and all.
I watched "Nurse Jackie: last night and wound up in tears. A good friend was dying of lung cancer, and nurse Jackie and the other nurses helped her to leave sooner rather than later. I was sobbing.
We are coming to the end.

I talked to her husband again this morning. She is in diapers now, sleeps almost all of the time. When she wakes up, she speaks very softly in one or two word sentences. Not much longer, I think.

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sometimes it really helps. I don't know why. I suppose I could read up on it and find out why, but I just know that sometimes it just helps.